10 Ways You’re Making Your Life Harder Than It Has To Be

BY: Tim Hoch

Original Post

1.You ascribe intent.

Another driver cut you off. Your friend never texted you back. Your co-worker went to lunch without you. Everyone can find a reason to be offended on a steady basis. So what caused you to be offended? You assigned bad intent to these otherwise innocuous actions. You took it as a personal affront, a slap in the face.

Happy people do not do this. They don’t take things personally. They don’t ascribe intent to the unintentional actions of others.

2. You’re the star of your own movie.

It is little wonder that you believe the world revolves around you. After all, you have been at the very center of every experience you have ever had.

You are the star of your own movie. You wrote the script. You know how you want it to unfold. You even know how you want it to end.

Unfortunately you forgot to give your script to anyone else. As a result, people are unaware of the role they are supposed to play. Then, when they screw up their lines, or fail to fall in love with you or don’t give you a promotion, your movie is ruined.

Lose your script. Let someone else star once in awhile. Welcome new characters. Embrace plot twists.

3. You fast forward to apocalypse.

I have a bad habit of fast forwarding everything to its worst possible outcome and being pleasantly surprised when the result is marginally better than utter disaster or jail time. My mind unnecessarily wrestles with events that aren’t even remotely likely. My sore throat is cancer. My lost driver’s license fell into the hands of an al-Qaeda operative who will wipe out my savings account.

Negativity only breeds more negativity. It is a happiness riptide. It will carry you away from shore and if you don’t swim away from it, will pull you under.

4. You have unrealistic and/or uncommunicated expectations.

Among their many shortcomings of your family and friends is the harsh reality that they cannot read your mind or anticipate your whims.

Did your boyfriend forget the six and a half month anniversary of your first movie date? Did your girlfriend refuse to call at an appointed hour? Did your friend fail to fawn over your tribal tattoo?

Unmet expectations will be at the root of most of your unhappiness in life. Minimize your expectations, maximize your joy.

5. You are waiting for a sign.

I have a friend who won’t make a decision without receiving a “sign.” I suppose she is waiting on a trumpeted announcement from God. She is constantly paralyzed by a divinity that is either heavily obscured or frustratingly tardy. I’m not disavowing that fate or a higher power plays a role in our lives. I’m just saying that it is better to help shape fate than be governed by it.

6. You don’t take risks.

Two words: Live boldly. Every single time you are offered a choice that involves greater risk, take it. You will lose on many of them but when you add them up at the end of your life you’ll be glad you did.

7. You constantly compare your life to others.

A few years ago I was invited to a nice party at a big warehouse downtown. I was enjoying the smooth jazz, box wine and crustless sandwiches. What more could a guy want? Later in the evening I noticed a steady parade of well-heeled people slide past and disappear into another room. I peeked and saw a large party with beautiful revelers dancing and carrying on like Bacchus. Suddenly my gig wasn’t as fun as it had been all because it didn’t appear to measure up to the party next door- a party I didn’t even know existed until just moments before.

I do this frequently. Those people are having more fun. Mary has a bigger boat. Craig gets all the lucky breaks. Ted has more money. John is better looking.

Stop it.

Always remember what Teddy Roosevelt said: “Comparison is the thief of joy.”

8. You let other people steal from you.

If you had a million dollars in cash under your mattress, you would check it regularly and take precautions to insure it is safe. The one possession you have that is more important than money is time. But you don’t do anything to protect it. In fact you willingly give it to thieves. Selfish people, egotistical people, negative people, people who won’t shut up. Treat your time like Fort Knox. Guard it closely and give it only to those who deserve and respect it.

9. You can’t/won’t let go.

These are getting a little harder aren’t they? That’s because sometimes you have to work at happiness. Some hurdles are too difficult to clear by simply adjusting your point of view or adopting a positive mindset.

Do you need to forgive someone? Do you need to turn your back on a failed relationship? Do you need to come to terms with the death of a loved one?

Life is full of loss. But, in a sense, real happiness would not be possible without it.  It helps us appreciate and savor the things that really matter. It helps us grow. It can help us help others grow.

Closure is a word for people who have never really suffered. There’s no such thing. Just try to “manage” your loss. Put it in perspective. You will always have some regret and doubt about your loss. You may always second guess yourself. If only you had said this, or tried that.

You’re not alone. Find someone who understands and talk to that person. Reach out for support. If all else fails, try #10 below.

10. You don’t give back.

One way to deal with loss is to immerse yourself in doing good. Volunteer. Get involved in life.

It doesn’t even have to be a big, structured thing. Say a kind word. Encourage someone. Pay a visit to someone who is alone. Get away from your self-absorption.

When it comes down to it, there are two types of people in this world. There are givers and there are takers. Givers are happy. Takers are miserable. What are you?

10 Ways to Better Utilise Your Time After Work

Workdesk-with-phone-and-notebook-1024x615During our lives we constantly strive for accomplishments in our career, and we educate ourselves to reach certain goals according to our ambitions. Being successful in the field we love brings us a lot of happiness, as well as a substantial paycheck at the end of the month, which allows us to provide for our family and go on vacations, have a nice life, and buy some unnecessary material things that simply make us happy.

However, in these busy lives we lead, we mustn’t forget that at the end, success will mean nothing if we forget about our loved ones, and let them forget us. You are never too busy to do everything you want after work, but all you need is a little guide to help you better utilize your limited free time.

via 10 Ways to Better Utilise Your Time After Work.

Kaizen: Get a Little Better Each Day | The Art of Manliness


It’s happened to all of us.

You have a “come to Jesus” moment and decide you need to make changes in your life. Maybe you need to drop a few pounds (or more), want to pay off some debt, or desperately long to quit wasting time on the internet.

So you start planning and scheming.

You take to your journal and write out a bold strategy on how you’re going to tackle your quest for self-improvement. You set big, hairy SMART goals with firm deadlines. You download the apps and buy the gear that will help you reach your objectives.

You feel that telltale rush that comes with believing you’re turning over a new leaf, and indeed, the first few days go great. “This time,” you tell yourself, “this time is different.”

But then…

via Kaizen: Get a Little Better Each Day | The Art of Manliness.

How to Cut Toxic People Out Of Your Life | The Art of Manliness

Self improvement is something I am passionate about, I truly believe we can make our lives whatever we want it to be, no matter who or what we are. Born in the inner city or with a silver spoon in your mouth, its all the same, you have the ability to control your destiny.


There’s an old myth that frogs will pull down other frogs trying to escape a pot of boiling water. That’s likely the stuff of folklore, but the dynamic is real: in everyone’s life, there will always be people who will resist, threaten, and sabotage the possibility of self-improvement.

This general group of people — whom we can safely call “toxic” — might resent your progress for any number of reasons. Perhaps they think you’ll no longer be in their life if you improve too much. Maybe they feel like your improvement exposes their own shortcomings. Or perhaps they’re just threatened by the idea of change.

The causes are less important than the effects, which can take the form of anger, resentment, frustration, manipulation, or cruelty (or a debilitating combination thereof). At any given moment, you might be finding yourself dealing with toxic friends, family members, or colleagues who — consciously or unconsciously — are sabotaging your happiness and growth. Identifying these individuals and understanding how to manage them is absolutely crucial to your well-being, success, and happiness.

So in this piece, we’re going to discuss how to recognize toxic people and navigate the often difficult and emotional process of removing these toxic people from your life.

Because in a very real way, your future depends on it.

via How to Cut Toxic People Out Of Your Life | The Art of Manliness.

The most Awesome post you will ever read, it’s Epic!

Have you noticed that everything is awesome and epic? Every time someone post a new video of a dog doing something or a cat being a cat they claim it to be epic, the best, most funniest video ever… a must see….



Can every video of very baby and every dog, or better yet, every baby with a dog be epic? Do we not cheapen the word, dilute its meaning? If, for example, a video of an older dog trying to catch a treat, failing each and every time, and finally after like 10 try’s they catch it, and it is called epic, what would we call a video of a dog doing the tango?

Not everything can be epic or awesome, something’s are just cute of funny and believe it or not, something’s are just plain and simple stupid and not epic, awesome or funny. Yet we seem to feel that we must label our video or posting as such, for fear that if we don’t someone may think we are not an epic as they are or an awesome and their other friends.

We seem to live in a world that needs constant pat-on-the-backs to feel relevant. Seems kind of silly to me that a posting can make someone feel relevant or not, but trust me, it does. Just look at most, if not all of your postings from friends, especially if you have friends in their 20’s or younger. Trust me, they base their relevance in the number of likes and comments they get on their posting about their latest epic adventure to the mall.

There was a time when epic had a meaning, a value behind it. Movies like the Ten Commandments and Gone with the Wind were considered epic, moves such as Mr. Smith Goes to Washington and The Christmas Carol were considered classics and movies such and Wasp Women were considered B-Lot classics. Today every movie is described as EPIC…. How can this be? How can everything Hollywood puts out be epic? If everything is Epic, than epic no longer has a value.

We waste our language and words, we misuse them and abuse them. Maybe it’s a sign of old age, maybe I am becoming that silly old man who clings to the past, but to me, it seems that the younger generation has no appreciation for the value of words. Maybe it’s because they don’t communicate, they tweet and text, maybe it’s because the spoken word have more meaning and value than a tweet or maybe its just because they are too lazy to learn the value and we, as adults are too lazy to teach the value.

18s0owmzdfju1jpgI remember when I was a kid, back in the 80’s, their use to be a public service announcement about no meaning no. That the word no had a value and that value was to be respected. Maybe we need to start teaching values of words again, that epic is not the same as interesting or cool or fascinating. Maybe we need to re-teach definitions. Yes I know, I just used the word cool, and the value or definition of the cool is not the way I used it. I get it, each generation has its slang, and I am good with that, but what I am getting at is I truly thing we have a generation of kids that truly do not understand the value of words. That they, words, have power and meaning. Typing a tweet or posting an update is not meaningful communication, yet it seems that many of our youth seem to feel that it is. They snap chat, tweet and Facebook, yet they fail to truly communicate. Now don’t get me wrong, I also Facebook and Tweet and LinkedIn, I am on my social networks daily and truly love the interaction with family and friends. BUT and this is a BIG BUT, I do not consider a Facebook posting a replacement for interaction. It is one form of communication but it is not a replacement for face-to-face communication.

IMG_1412The other day my nephew was over for dinner and quality time. We where having a nice conversation over dinner when he pulled out his phone read the message and proceeded to type and them make faces. I asked him if he would rather make faces at his phone than talk to me, his response, I’m snapchating, and I can multi-task. Maybe he can, but that is not the point, the point is respect. When I talk to him I give him my attention, I put down what ever book I may be reading or pause the movie I may be watching or end the conversation on the phone or ask him to wait until I do so. And then I give him my full attention. Yes sometimes the phone rings and I will look to see who is calling, and if need be answer it. And yes sometimes I will receive a text message and check to see who it is from. If I need to reply or answer the phone I will say “excuse me, I need to get this”. Respect…

But I digress, sorry, but in a way it fits in to my topic. The idea of respect is different today. I did ask my nephew if he thought it was respectful of him to chat, text and have a conversation with me all at the same time. He thought nothing of it. They all do it, all his friends. They are never truly 100% engaged in the moment, the conversation, they are always checking Facebook or instant messaging and twitter to make sure they are not out of the loop.


And maybe this is why everything has to be EPIC, maybe because they are fighting for  attention in the digital world. Maybe epic really means, HEY, LOOK AT ME!


All I know is that most of the video’s and posting I read are not Epic or Awesome, they are at best cute or a bit funny but most are just simply stupid. A waste of digital space, polluting our digital world with digital garbage. Sad really, when you think about it. With so much potential to change the world for the better, we use this powerful tool to post Epic videos of cats being cats and awesome videos of dogs doing something… what a shame…

God Bless

Paul Sposite

Guided Insight Life Coach


Is there such a thing as real gentlemen?

Searching the web for interesting content to post to my Guided Insight Facebook page I ran across an article  12 Things A Real Gentleman Does Differently, I found the article too be interesting, and it made me think…. “Hmmm, do they even exist anymore?”.


Can a society of self absorbed, gadget loving, constantly plugged in really care about opening doors for someone? Can a nation that believes in the murder of innocent lives, labeled as pro-choice, really respect anyone? Can a people so concerned about political correctness and offending others really be honest and open?


I think not…

The whole idea of a young man, or for that matter, almost any man, young or old, acting in a gentlemanly way is too foreign to us, sad to say, but it is true. In a nation where the president talks hip-hop to the youth, how is that acting like a gentlemen?  Our leaders should be our best examples to follow. when sport starts steal crab legs and rappers derogate women, how do we expect our young men to grow into being a gentlemen?

We cannot except what we do not teach. We are a nation of selfies and instagrames a nation of self promotion, feel good, do as I please as long as I enjoy it. We have allowed the nation to fail our youth, yet we still expect them to be OK… We, ourselves have failed, yet we expect them to learn the lessons we are unable to teach.

Five Boys

Can we, can America, can our young boys become young men who will become Gentlemen, yes, they can, but it has to start with a cultural change, a shift away from the self promotion lifestyle.  we have to shift to a lifestyle that promotes others, the common good and respect for self and others. It can be done, but it wont be easy. Just dressing up the outside with nice suits and hat does not make one a gentleman, it just makes them a nice looking young man or boy. Being a gentlemen is more than that, yes the appearance makes a huge difference, but in-of-it-self does not make the man into a gentleman.

We, as a people, as a nation, as individuals, as men and women, have a lot of work to do… But it can be done…



God Bless

Paul Sposite

It’s your ATTITUDE not your APTITUDE that determines your ALTITUDE

It’s your ATTITUDE not your APTITUDE that determines your ALTITUDE

May 01, 2013


To be successful in any area in life you need to have the right attitude, which means you have to approach any task or job with determination, tenacity and above all plenty of enthusiasm.

In business, when it comes to choosing the right individual for a certain post or promotion, I have always gone for people who have PMA – in other words Positive Mental Attitude.

Leadership and business management comes with its own set of challenges and pressures and it is a common mistake to let these problems and distractions become the major focus – that is why it is so important for senior managers to always look forward rather than backwards.

Of course, it is important for people to have skills, training and experience but I have always been a huge believer in putting attitude above aptitude. You can come fully equipped for a role but without real enthusiasm the best skill-set will count for very little. You can train somebody and give them the tools but you can’t give them the right attitude.

In my view there are two types of people in this world, and those who take the glass half empty approach are simply setting themselves up for failure no matter what targets they set themselves.

In any situation in life, people are looking for leaders to guide and direct them. That is particularly the case when you are going through a difficult or challenging period in the development of a company. Always remember there is only one person watching them and hundreds watching you.

I have always been a believer in leading by example and the nature or character of an organization is more often than not shaped by the person at the top – that is why it is so important for senior executives to set the right tone and atmosphere.

Staff can instinctively grasp when something is not right within a business and it is vital not to panic and send out the wrong message during those difficult times and tough trading conditions – in other words stay positive.

More importantly, having the right attitude can have a real impact on the business in terms of its performance. There are too many organizations which allow a blame culture to flourish without properly understanding the negative effect it can have on the business.

When I have a bad month in my organization, I get the senior management team together to discuss the reasons why performance isn’t the best. About 20 per cent of the meeting is normally taken up with looking at exactly what went wrong and the rest is spent discussing how to put the problem right.

Of course, it is really important to understand why something has not worked but it is even more important not to get caught up with the process of looking backwards. A firm which prefers to look to the past rather than to the future is always going to struggle in the long term.

The key to real success is an ability to adapt to change, and that will never happen if you approach every challenge with a negative attitude. People with the right mental attitude can always take something positive from a difficult situation and most important of all, will be constantly looking at ways of moving a business on to the next stage of its journey or development.

James Caan


I hope you enjoyed…

God Bless

Paul Sposite

Guided Insight Life Coach