10 Ways You’re Making Your Life Harder Than It Has To Be


BY: Tim Hoch

Original Post

1.You ascribe intent.

Another driver cut you off. Your friend never texted you back. Your co-worker went to lunch without you. Everyone can find a reason to be offended on a steady basis. So what caused you to be offended? You assigned bad intent to these otherwise innocuous actions. You took it as a personal affront, a slap in the face.

Happy people do not do this. They don’t take things personally. They don’t ascribe intent to the unintentional actions of others.

2. You’re the star of your own movie.

It is little wonder that you believe the world revolves around you. After all, you have been at the very center of every experience you have ever had.

You are the star of your own movie. You wrote the script. You know how you want it to unfold. You even know how you want it to end.

Unfortunately you forgot to give your script to anyone else. As a result, people are unaware of the role they are supposed to play. Then, when they screw up their lines, or fail to fall in love with you or don’t give you a promotion, your movie is ruined.

Lose your script. Let someone else star once in awhile. Welcome new characters. Embrace plot twists.

3. You fast forward to apocalypse.

I have a bad habit of fast forwarding everything to its worst possible outcome and being pleasantly surprised when the result is marginally better than utter disaster or jail time. My mind unnecessarily wrestles with events that aren’t even remotely likely. My sore throat is cancer. My lost driver’s license fell into the hands of an al-Qaeda operative who will wipe out my savings account.

Negativity only breeds more negativity. It is a happiness riptide. It will carry you away from shore and if you don’t swim away from it, will pull you under.

4. You have unrealistic and/or uncommunicated expectations.

Among their many shortcomings of your family and friends is the harsh reality that they cannot read your mind or anticipate your whims.

Did your boyfriend forget the six and a half month anniversary of your first movie date? Did your girlfriend refuse to call at an appointed hour? Did your friend fail to fawn over your tribal tattoo?

Unmet expectations will be at the root of most of your unhappiness in life. Minimize your expectations, maximize your joy.

5. You are waiting for a sign.

I have a friend who won’t make a decision without receiving a “sign.” I suppose she is waiting on a trumpeted announcement from God. She is constantly paralyzed by a divinity that is either heavily obscured or frustratingly tardy. I’m not disavowing that fate or a higher power plays a role in our lives. I’m just saying that it is better to help shape fate than be governed by it.

6. You don’t take risks.

Two words: Live boldly. Every single time you are offered a choice that involves greater risk, take it. You will lose on many of them but when you add them up at the end of your life you’ll be glad you did.

7. You constantly compare your life to others.

A few years ago I was invited to a nice party at a big warehouse downtown. I was enjoying the smooth jazz, box wine and crustless sandwiches. What more could a guy want? Later in the evening I noticed a steady parade of well-heeled people slide past and disappear into another room. I peeked and saw a large party with beautiful revelers dancing and carrying on like Bacchus. Suddenly my gig wasn’t as fun as it had been all because it didn’t appear to measure up to the party next door- a party I didn’t even know existed until just moments before.

I do this frequently. Those people are having more fun. Mary has a bigger boat. Craig gets all the lucky breaks. Ted has more money. John is better looking.

Stop it.

Always remember what Teddy Roosevelt said: “Comparison is the thief of joy.”

8. You let other people steal from you.

If you had a million dollars in cash under your mattress, you would check it regularly and take precautions to insure it is safe. The one possession you have that is more important than money is time. But you don’t do anything to protect it. In fact you willingly give it to thieves. Selfish people, egotistical people, negative people, people who won’t shut up. Treat your time like Fort Knox. Guard it closely and give it only to those who deserve and respect it.

9. You can’t/won’t let go.

These are getting a little harder aren’t they? That’s because sometimes you have to work at happiness. Some hurdles are too difficult to clear by simply adjusting your point of view or adopting a positive mindset.

Do you need to forgive someone? Do you need to turn your back on a failed relationship? Do you need to come to terms with the death of a loved one?

Life is full of loss. But, in a sense, real happiness would not be possible without it.  It helps us appreciate and savor the things that really matter. It helps us grow. It can help us help others grow.

Closure is a word for people who have never really suffered. There’s no such thing. Just try to “manage” your loss. Put it in perspective. You will always have some regret and doubt about your loss. You may always second guess yourself. If only you had said this, or tried that.

You’re not alone. Find someone who understands and talk to that person. Reach out for support. If all else fails, try #10 below.

10. You don’t give back.

One way to deal with loss is to immerse yourself in doing good. Volunteer. Get involved in life.

It doesn’t even have to be a big, structured thing. Say a kind word. Encourage someone. Pay a visit to someone who is alone. Get away from your self-absorption.

When it comes down to it, there are two types of people in this world. There are givers and there are takers. Givers are happy. Takers are miserable. What are you?

Race in America


The battle cries of America

“Black Lives Matter”

“Hands up, don’t shoot”

“Boycott the Oscars”

The new cry is

If trump wins, I’m moving to Canada”…

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Is this the America we want to live in? An America that runs, an America that see’s everything in Black or White, or better yet, as Black or White? I think not!

To me, America is much more than that, to me America is a country that has shown great strides and growth. A little over 7 years ago we elected the first Black President, Obama, he won twice. Yet some still cry racism…

Did the election Obama eradicate racism in America, no? Will anything eradicate racism in America, sadly, no? Racism in like a cancer on America, yet we are defeating it, but like a cancer, it never truly will go away.

Why, you may ask… Because we will always have ignorant people in this country, on both sides; Racism is not just a white person’s problem, its every living souls problem. All cultures and raciest have been and still are raciest. Does that mean we ignore the problem? Do we just sit back and stop calling out the raciest for what they are, ignorant people filled with hate?

No, we fight it, but to win the fight, we need to stop calling things and people raciest if they are not. We need to stop looking behind every motive and event to try and find that one thing, that one issue that we can call raciest. We need to start seeing and understanding that people can have differences, and they can dislike someone just for who they ate and not what color they are. I dislike Obama, not because he is black, but because his policies are hurting America. I dislike Obama because, in my eyes, he does not have the best interest of America in mind. He promised to fundamentally transform America, yet I feel there is no need to do so. America, at its core, is a strong nation, one with a good and solid backbone. Is she perfect, no she is not? America has lots of work to do, but division is not the way to accomplish it. And in my eyes, Obama has done more harm to race relations in this nation that any living person I know of. Granted, I do not know every American, but of all the people on the big stage of American politics, Obama is the most divisive by far.

Some may be saying, Hey Trump is a raciest… I truly have not seen that. Some will say he won’t condemn the KKK, sorry, I say him say it several times, that he disavowed them… Now, do I know Trumps or Obamas heart, nope, I can only go on what I see on the news or read.

NOTE:  Just so you know, I read both liberal and conservative reports and watch both conservative and liberal news cast. Also, I am not a big Trump fan, I do like some of his stances on issues, but overall, and he is not my top choice for President.

Having said all that, back to the main point:

To the Oscars, Hollywood is one of the most liberal places in America, yet they still seemed to be called raciest… Odd really… Do we really want a quota at the Oscars? Could it be that the voting panel just didn’t see any worthy performances? Could it be that the actors and actresses of color just didn’t have any stand out rolls? I don’t know, I don’t go to the movies a lot, but I am inclined to believe that that is the case. Why do I feel that way…

Because Hollywood would be the first to jump on the bandwagon on race relations, they love looking like the great healer of the nation, and they are extremely liberal and will pick up any opportunity to make the conservatives look bad.

The battle cry of “Raciest” is strong, but if we keep using the word to describe any white person who dislikes any black person, of any perceived “white” organization snubbing blacks, then we will never get over racism. All we will do is cheapening the word. I have seen this already, the term raciest and come to mean, “You don’t agree with my point of view”. We have cheapened the value of the word, and soon it will have no meaning at all.

Words have value, they meaning. If we use words incorrectly, the value and meaning get lost. Epic is a great example. For a long time everything was epic. Someone went to lunch and had a good burger, all of a sudden, that burger that lunch becomes Epic… Nope I think not… Or how about the word fuck, do you realize that it was not even a word in the beginning, it was an acronym, it was originally spelled F.U.C.K… Each letter representing a word, For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge, Yet, now, the word is common place and has not true value to it.

Race relations will not improve until we learn that we cannot have the concept of “The Same but Different”… What does that mean…

  • Why is it racist to say I have white pride, yet not to say I have black pride?
  • Why is it not raciest to have the BET (Black Entertainment Television station), yet it would be if there is a WET?
  • Why is a White shooting a Black raciest yet a Black shooting a White not?
  • We have the NAACP, yet no WAACP

I could go on, but I will not, I think my point is made.

The argument that Blacks cannot be raciest, is, in-of-it-self raciest. You cannot disqualify on group from the act because of their color and state that that’s not a raciest act.

Our roads in America where paved with good intentions, over the years and throughout history, America has strived to right the wrongs, yet some of the acts where, in-fact, raciest.

Example, when a collage entrance exam for Whites and Blacks are the same, but the points needs differ based on color. That, my friends, is raciest. If Blacks and Whites are to be equal, then all test, exams and interviews must be conducted and counted equally. We cannot have 2 sets of standards and call ourselves non raciest. The very fact that we are applying two different criteria for the same position is, inherently, raciest.

America has a lot of work to do, but it will not change based on the governmental actions, it will only change with the conversation of the intellect and heart. Until we are willing to step up to the plate as individuals, take responsibility for our own actions, and understand that others may not like us, for a multitude of reasons, one being our skin color, and until we learnt that, hey, that’s OK, you don’t have to like me, and that does not make me any less of a person.

This is how we will change and grow. We neeed to keep calling out the bad in the America, we just don’t need to see bad in everything, there is a lot more good in America than bad.

God Bless

Paul Sposite

10 Ways to Better Utilise Your Time After Work


Workdesk-with-phone-and-notebook-1024x615During our lives we constantly strive for accomplishments in our career, and we educate ourselves to reach certain goals according to our ambitions. Being successful in the field we love brings us a lot of happiness, as well as a substantial paycheck at the end of the month, which allows us to provide for our family and go on vacations, have a nice life, and buy some unnecessary material things that simply make us happy.

However, in these busy lives we lead, we mustn’t forget that at the end, success will mean nothing if we forget about our loved ones, and let them forget us. You are never too busy to do everything you want after work, but all you need is a little guide to help you better utilize your limited free time.

via 10 Ways to Better Utilise Your Time After Work.

Kaizen: Get a Little Better Each Day | The Art of Manliness


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It’s happened to all of us.

You have a “come to Jesus” moment and decide you need to make changes in your life. Maybe you need to drop a few pounds (or more), want to pay off some debt, or desperately long to quit wasting time on the internet.

So you start planning and scheming.

You take to your journal and write out a bold strategy on how you’re going to tackle your quest for self-improvement. You set big, hairy SMART goals with firm deadlines. You download the apps and buy the gear that will help you reach your objectives.

You feel that telltale rush that comes with believing you’re turning over a new leaf, and indeed, the first few days go great. “This time,” you tell yourself, “this time is different.”

But then…

via Kaizen: Get a Little Better Each Day | The Art of Manliness.

Via Negativa: Addition by Subtraction | The Art of Manliness


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It’s a new year and people all over the world are making resolutions on how they’re going to improve themselves. Usually these goals consist of doing something new or adding a habit to their lives: get back into exercising, start journaling, launch a side hustle, adopt the Paleo diet, earn more money, etc.

But after a few weeks of motivated effort, most folks start to lose steam. They stop going to the gym, never sign up for that woodworking class, and go back to eating Pop Tarts and Doritos. And then they feel like crap because they haven’t made any progress on improving themselves.

There’s nothing wrong with making these types of positive goals, but they’re not the only way to improve your life. Just as effective as adding something to our lives, if not more so, is subtracting the things that might be holding us back.

In truth, oftentimes the path to becoming a better man is found in following the via negativa — the negative way.

via Via Negativa: Addition by Subtraction | The Art of Manliness.

How to Cut Toxic People Out Of Your Life | The Art of Manliness


Self improvement is something I am passionate about, I truly believe we can make our lives whatever we want it to be, no matter who or what we are. Born in the inner city or with a silver spoon in your mouth, its all the same, you have the ability to control your destiny.


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There’s an old myth that frogs will pull down other frogs trying to escape a pot of boiling water. That’s likely the stuff of folklore, but the dynamic is real: in everyone’s life, there will always be people who will resist, threaten, and sabotage the possibility of self-improvement.

This general group of people — whom we can safely call “toxic” — might resent your progress for any number of reasons. Perhaps they think you’ll no longer be in their life if you improve too much. Maybe they feel like your improvement exposes their own shortcomings. Or perhaps they’re just threatened by the idea of change.

The causes are less important than the effects, which can take the form of anger, resentment, frustration, manipulation, or cruelty (or a debilitating combination thereof). At any given moment, you might be finding yourself dealing with toxic friends, family members, or colleagues who — consciously or unconsciously — are sabotaging your happiness and growth. Identifying these individuals and understanding how to manage them is absolutely crucial to your well-being, success, and happiness.

So in this piece, we’re going to discuss how to recognize toxic people and navigate the often difficult and emotional process of removing these toxic people from your life.

Because in a very real way, your future depends on it.

via How to Cut Toxic People Out Of Your Life | The Art of Manliness.