10 Ways You’re Making Your Life Harder Than It Has To Be

BY: Tim Hoch

Original Post

1.You ascribe intent.

Another driver cut you off. Your friend never texted you back. Your co-worker went to lunch without you. Everyone can find a reason to be offended on a steady basis. So what caused you to be offended? You assigned bad intent to these otherwise innocuous actions. You took it as a personal affront, a slap in the face.

Happy people do not do this. They don’t take things personally. They don’t ascribe intent to the unintentional actions of others.

2. You’re the star of your own movie.

It is little wonder that you believe the world revolves around you. After all, you have been at the very center of every experience you have ever had.

You are the star of your own movie. You wrote the script. You know how you want it to unfold. You even know how you want it to end.

Unfortunately you forgot to give your script to anyone else. As a result, people are unaware of the role they are supposed to play. Then, when they screw up their lines, or fail to fall in love with you or don’t give you a promotion, your movie is ruined.

Lose your script. Let someone else star once in awhile. Welcome new characters. Embrace plot twists.

3. You fast forward to apocalypse.

I have a bad habit of fast forwarding everything to its worst possible outcome and being pleasantly surprised when the result is marginally better than utter disaster or jail time. My mind unnecessarily wrestles with events that aren’t even remotely likely. My sore throat is cancer. My lost driver’s license fell into the hands of an al-Qaeda operative who will wipe out my savings account.

Negativity only breeds more negativity. It is a happiness riptide. It will carry you away from shore and if you don’t swim away from it, will pull you under.

4. You have unrealistic and/or uncommunicated expectations.

Among their many shortcomings of your family and friends is the harsh reality that they cannot read your mind or anticipate your whims.

Did your boyfriend forget the six and a half month anniversary of your first movie date? Did your girlfriend refuse to call at an appointed hour? Did your friend fail to fawn over your tribal tattoo?

Unmet expectations will be at the root of most of your unhappiness in life. Minimize your expectations, maximize your joy.

5. You are waiting for a sign.

I have a friend who won’t make a decision without receiving a “sign.” I suppose she is waiting on a trumpeted announcement from God. She is constantly paralyzed by a divinity that is either heavily obscured or frustratingly tardy. I’m not disavowing that fate or a higher power plays a role in our lives. I’m just saying that it is better to help shape fate than be governed by it.

6. You don’t take risks.

Two words: Live boldly. Every single time you are offered a choice that involves greater risk, take it. You will lose on many of them but when you add them up at the end of your life you’ll be glad you did.

7. You constantly compare your life to others.

A few years ago I was invited to a nice party at a big warehouse downtown. I was enjoying the smooth jazz, box wine and crustless sandwiches. What more could a guy want? Later in the evening I noticed a steady parade of well-heeled people slide past and disappear into another room. I peeked and saw a large party with beautiful revelers dancing and carrying on like Bacchus. Suddenly my gig wasn’t as fun as it had been all because it didn’t appear to measure up to the party next door- a party I didn’t even know existed until just moments before.

I do this frequently. Those people are having more fun. Mary has a bigger boat. Craig gets all the lucky breaks. Ted has more money. John is better looking.

Stop it.

Always remember what Teddy Roosevelt said: “Comparison is the thief of joy.”

8. You let other people steal from you.

If you had a million dollars in cash under your mattress, you would check it regularly and take precautions to insure it is safe. The one possession you have that is more important than money is time. But you don’t do anything to protect it. In fact you willingly give it to thieves. Selfish people, egotistical people, negative people, people who won’t shut up. Treat your time like Fort Knox. Guard it closely and give it only to those who deserve and respect it.

9. You can’t/won’t let go.

These are getting a little harder aren’t they? That’s because sometimes you have to work at happiness. Some hurdles are too difficult to clear by simply adjusting your point of view or adopting a positive mindset.

Do you need to forgive someone? Do you need to turn your back on a failed relationship? Do you need to come to terms with the death of a loved one?

Life is full of loss. But, in a sense, real happiness would not be possible without it.  It helps us appreciate and savor the things that really matter. It helps us grow. It can help us help others grow.

Closure is a word for people who have never really suffered. There’s no such thing. Just try to “manage” your loss. Put it in perspective. You will always have some regret and doubt about your loss. You may always second guess yourself. If only you had said this, or tried that.

You’re not alone. Find someone who understands and talk to that person. Reach out for support. If all else fails, try #10 below.

10. You don’t give back.

One way to deal with loss is to immerse yourself in doing good. Volunteer. Get involved in life.

It doesn’t even have to be a big, structured thing. Say a kind word. Encourage someone. Pay a visit to someone who is alone. Get away from your self-absorption.

When it comes down to it, there are two types of people in this world. There are givers and there are takers. Givers are happy. Takers are miserable. What are you?

Rachel Dolezal Filed Sexual Charges Against Her Brother & the Reason Why is Beyond Unbelievable

Rachel Dolezal is mental… She is sick in the head, a nut case…


Rachel Dolezal is certainly no stranger to intrigue (nor hair weaves, for that matter).

But one claim she’s making adds a whole new level of identity confusion onto her already convoluted story about going from an apparent white girl to a ‘black identifying’ head of an NAACP chapter.

This time it goes well beyond an academic question about whether or not a woman can be “transracial,” but this involves charging her biological brother (also, not black) with sexual abuse. The motive?

Allegedly, so she could adopt her black adopted brother Izaiah as her own son. Jezebel reported:

via Rachel Dolezal Filed Sexual Charges Against Her Brother & the Reason Why is Beyond Unbelievable.

NAACP President Allegedly Lied About Being Black | The Daily Caller

2015-06-16_10-32-28The president of the Spokane, Wash. chapter of the NAACP has claimed for years to be part African-American and that she has been targeted in numerous hate crimes. But in fact, 37-year-old Rachel Dolezal is not black at all, her parents say. She’s white, and she was born in Montana, and she’s lied about many other details of her past.

One bizarre claim Dolezal has made, according to The Couer d’Alene Press, is that she was born in a teepee and that she has a son who is black. But a young man Dolezal claims is her child is actually her adopted brother. Dolezal’s parents, Larry and Ruthanne, adopted four African orphans between 1993 and 1995.

via NAACP President Allegedly Lied About Being Black | The Daily Caller.

‘I Identify as Black’: Ex-NAACP President Opens Up to Matt Lauer About Her ‘Self-Identification With the Black Experience’ | Video | TheBlaze.com

How can you identify as black? You are white, just like Bruce is a man… Sorry folks, feelings do not override facts. Rachel has mental issues, as does Bruce… Just a simple fact… She is an attention seeking needy person who found she got more of what she wanted as a black person. And now she is getting all the attention she needs because she is now a white person pretending to be black, blaming her parents and others…


Rachel Dolezal, the former president of the NAACP’s Spokane, Washington chapter who resigned amid accusations that she lied about her race, told “Today” co-host Matt Lauer on Tuesday that her ”self-identification with the black experience” began at the age of 5.

“I identify as black,” Dolezal responded after Lauer asked if she is an African-American woman.

But she said it’s a “little more complex” than simply identifying as another race, starting when she was young.

“I was drawing self-portraits with the brown crayon instead of the peach crayon, black curly hair … that was how I was portraying myself,” she said. “It was a little more complex than me identifying as black.”

via ‘I Identify as Black’: Ex-NAACP President Opens Up to Matt Lauer About Her ‘Self-Identification With the Black Experience’ | Video | TheBlaze.com.

My Journey to Self Respect: Exercise & Weight Loss

bigstock-Photo-of-happy-boy-looking-at-46137430-864x577You’re a fat ass,” is what I heard him say. In reality, my doctor actually had a much more eloquent and scientific way of putting it. I was 6’1”, 260 pounds and I needed to make drastic changes. Fast. The most persuasive argument he made was that I should do it for my soon-to-be-born son. He asked about my diet, and I confessed to having no restrictions. He encouraged portion control and eliminating snacking, but his recommendations stopped there and I was unsure where to begin in the baffling world of diets. Then we spoke about exercise. My admission that my fitness routine consisted of a weekly co-ed slow pitch softball league was met with unfettered laughter.
My doctor said enough to frighten me, and I jumped on the high-protein, low-carb diet bandwagon and half-heartedly (pun intended) engaged in 15 minutes of aerobic exercise per day. The diet part was easy – I ate everything I was already eating, but took out the carbs. And the exercise…let’s just say I did it. I hated every second of it, and it totally sucked. But I did it.

via My Journey to Self Respect: Exercise & Weight Loss.

Scientists tested a theory of human nature on toddlers. The results are delightful.

2015-06-08_12-54-18When Adam Smith, “The Father of Economics,” conceived of capitalism in the 18th century, he rested his assumptions on the belief that humans are self-interested by nature. What he wrote then would reach its logical extreme in the present-day ethics of Wall Street.

Since then, many in power have perpetuated the myth of the selfish human to advance policies and principles that undermine generosity and empathy. Then came along Dr. Felix Warneken, now a professor of psychology at Harvard University, who developed experiments to trust whether toddlers are naturally altruistic. The results, captured on video below, are pretty striking.

via Scientists tested a theory of human nature on toddlers. The results are delightful..

Robin Williams Death as a Wake-Up Call – 12 Ways To Fight Depression

Depression is real, and many people deal with it daily… For some it is a manageable reality and to others it can be life ending.

I think to some degree we all deal with it, I know I have…


The fallout from depression of loved ones and people we admire such as Robin Williams leaves us as stunned survivors, shaken in disbelief. We are struck with shock and left with questions such as, “How could someone who “had it all” want to take his own life? and “If someone with so much talent, intelligence, money, fame, prestige, along with such close friends and family could take his own life, where does that leave the rest of us with so much less?”

Try this to help with your anxieties 

via Robin Williams Death as a Wake-Up Call – 12 Ways To Fight Depression.