10 Ways You’re Making Your Life Harder Than It Has To Be


BY: Tim Hoch

Original Post

1.You ascribe intent.

Another driver cut you off. Your friend never texted you back. Your co-worker went to lunch without you. Everyone can find a reason to be offended on a steady basis. So what caused you to be offended? You assigned bad intent to these otherwise innocuous actions. You took it as a personal affront, a slap in the face.

Happy people do not do this. They don’t take things personally. They don’t ascribe intent to the unintentional actions of others.

2. You’re the star of your own movie.

It is little wonder that you believe the world revolves around you. After all, you have been at the very center of every experience you have ever had.

You are the star of your own movie. You wrote the script. You know how you want it to unfold. You even know how you want it to end.

Unfortunately you forgot to give your script to anyone else. As a result, people are unaware of the role they are supposed to play. Then, when they screw up their lines, or fail to fall in love with you or don’t give you a promotion, your movie is ruined.

Lose your script. Let someone else star once in awhile. Welcome new characters. Embrace plot twists.

3. You fast forward to apocalypse.

I have a bad habit of fast forwarding everything to its worst possible outcome and being pleasantly surprised when the result is marginally better than utter disaster or jail time. My mind unnecessarily wrestles with events that aren’t even remotely likely. My sore throat is cancer. My lost driver’s license fell into the hands of an al-Qaeda operative who will wipe out my savings account.

Negativity only breeds more negativity. It is a happiness riptide. It will carry you away from shore and if you don’t swim away from it, will pull you under.

4. You have unrealistic and/or uncommunicated expectations.

Among their many shortcomings of your family and friends is the harsh reality that they cannot read your mind or anticipate your whims.

Did your boyfriend forget the six and a half month anniversary of your first movie date? Did your girlfriend refuse to call at an appointed hour? Did your friend fail to fawn over your tribal tattoo?

Unmet expectations will be at the root of most of your unhappiness in life. Minimize your expectations, maximize your joy.

5. You are waiting for a sign.

I have a friend who won’t make a decision without receiving a “sign.” I suppose she is waiting on a trumpeted announcement from God. She is constantly paralyzed by a divinity that is either heavily obscured or frustratingly tardy. I’m not disavowing that fate or a higher power plays a role in our lives. I’m just saying that it is better to help shape fate than be governed by it.

6. You don’t take risks.

Two words: Live boldly. Every single time you are offered a choice that involves greater risk, take it. You will lose on many of them but when you add them up at the end of your life you’ll be glad you did.

7. You constantly compare your life to others.

A few years ago I was invited to a nice party at a big warehouse downtown. I was enjoying the smooth jazz, box wine and crustless sandwiches. What more could a guy want? Later in the evening I noticed a steady parade of well-heeled people slide past and disappear into another room. I peeked and saw a large party with beautiful revelers dancing and carrying on like Bacchus. Suddenly my gig wasn’t as fun as it had been all because it didn’t appear to measure up to the party next door- a party I didn’t even know existed until just moments before.

I do this frequently. Those people are having more fun. Mary has a bigger boat. Craig gets all the lucky breaks. Ted has more money. John is better looking.

Stop it.

Always remember what Teddy Roosevelt said: “Comparison is the thief of joy.”

8. You let other people steal from you.

If you had a million dollars in cash under your mattress, you would check it regularly and take precautions to insure it is safe. The one possession you have that is more important than money is time. But you don’t do anything to protect it. In fact you willingly give it to thieves. Selfish people, egotistical people, negative people, people who won’t shut up. Treat your time like Fort Knox. Guard it closely and give it only to those who deserve and respect it.

9. You can’t/won’t let go.

These are getting a little harder aren’t they? That’s because sometimes you have to work at happiness. Some hurdles are too difficult to clear by simply adjusting your point of view or adopting a positive mindset.

Do you need to forgive someone? Do you need to turn your back on a failed relationship? Do you need to come to terms with the death of a loved one?

Life is full of loss. But, in a sense, real happiness would not be possible without it.  It helps us appreciate and savor the things that really matter. It helps us grow. It can help us help others grow.

Closure is a word for people who have never really suffered. There’s no such thing. Just try to “manage” your loss. Put it in perspective. You will always have some regret and doubt about your loss. You may always second guess yourself. If only you had said this, or tried that.

You’re not alone. Find someone who understands and talk to that person. Reach out for support. If all else fails, try #10 below.

10. You don’t give back.

One way to deal with loss is to immerse yourself in doing good. Volunteer. Get involved in life.

It doesn’t even have to be a big, structured thing. Say a kind word. Encourage someone. Pay a visit to someone who is alone. Get away from your self-absorption.

When it comes down to it, there are two types of people in this world. There are givers and there are takers. Givers are happy. Takers are miserable. What are you?

Life Coach; What is it


life-coaching2What Is Life Coaching?

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you’ve imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler."

–Henry David Thoreau  

Life Coaching is a profession that is profoundly different from consulting, mentoring, advice, therapy, or counseling. The coaching process addresses specific personal projects, business successes, general conditions and transitions in the client’s personal life, relationships or profession by examining what is going on right now, discovering what your obstacles or challenges might be, and choosing a course of action to make your life be what you want it to be.

How Does Life Coaching Work?

The Life Coaching Format:

  • Complimentary Coaching Consultation
  • 60 to 90 minute "Discovery" first session
  • One 30 to 90 minute phone call per week
  • Unlimited Email support
  • Occasional brief check-in calls

Life Coaching is a designed alliance between coach and client where the coaching relationship continually gives all the power back to you, the client. We believe that you know the answers to every question or challenge you may have in your life, even if those answers appear to be obscured, concealed or hidden inside.

Our skills are about knowing the right questions to ask and having the right tools and techniques to empower you to find those answers within yourself.

You, the client, are the only expert in your entire life who truly knows who you are and what you need. You are the only expert who can recognize what is absolutely best for you. We are simply experts in the coaching process. As your coach, we help you discover what your own personal "best" might be.

Every day we make choices to do or not do many things. These choices may range from profound to trivial and each one has an effect that makes our lives more fulfilling or less fulfilling, more balanced or less balanced, that make our process of living more effective or less effective. Life coaching helps you learn how to make choices that create an effective, balanced and fulfilling life.

We help you connect your head and your heart in a way that transforms your passion for your dreams into action for your life.

We are highly trained as generalists and can coach superbly on any aspect of life. However, we may choose to specialize in one or more of the following areas :

  • Relationships and Intimacy
  • Stress Management and Balance
  • Spirituality and Personal Growth
  • Entrepreneurial and Small Business Development
  • Career Planning and Development
  • Motivation and Time Management
  • Creativity for Artists, Writers, Musicians and Performers
  • Finances and Budgeting
  • Health, Aging, Lifestyle and Self-Care
  • Family and Parenting
  • And much more

    An interesting article on Coaching ( Top 10 professional life coaching myths)

    why it works

    Unlike other forms of self-help or therapy, life coaching offers a new look on basic human needs. Partnership, support and know-how are areas that distinguish life coaching from other therapies.

    Partnership

    Tiger Woods, at the top of his game, still works on improving his skills. For this, he relies on his coach to make sure he still has the edge. A similar bond exists between the life coach and the client.

    Support

    Individuals are better able to make big decisions when they have the support of friends, family, peers, or a life coach. With a life coach a client is more comfortable taking bigger strides to getting the job done and making the appropriate changes toward a better life.

    Know-how

    It’s always best to pick a coach that has walked a similar line in life as you have. The coach will know how to help the client achieve his goal — whether it is to make more money or simply to make better decisions.

    life coach vs. therapist

    Life coaching and therapy are both based on support, trust and complete confidentiality. They also make equal use of listening skills and non-judgmental attitudes toward the client.
    Some say that therapy deals with the past and handling emotional pain; whereas, coaching deals more with the near future and devising action plans toward a specific goal.
    You can’t move toward the future without turning the page on the past. Attaining a life coach is recommended after unresolved matters are settled. Coaching may not be what you need if you have unresolved issues of the past. On the same token, if you need coaching you don’t need to get therapy first.
    A therapist often seeks insight and understanding of a person’s psyche rather than focusing on strategies and life plans. Coaches are not perceived as experts — they are more or less a person with knowledge and skill, which they use to help clients achieve their goals. Coaches encourage and support the client while giving valuable advice to achieve specific life goals.
    The major difference between a life coach and a therapist is the relationship between the client and the coach. The synergy between the two goes beyond what standard therapy offers. The sessions are not confined to the usual meeting rooms — more and more people contact their coach by phone, e-mail or even meet for a quick drink.

     

    Need a life coach?

    Only you will know if you really need a life coach or not. The following list of questions may help you decide:

    • Do you often feel overwhelmed from the daily tasks at hand?
    • Do you feel like you’re living life unconsciously?
    • Do you suffer from low self-esteem?
    • Do you feel like everyone seems to have a master plan but you?
    • Is there a lack of support in your life?
    • Do you feel like the whole world is out to get you?
    • Are you going through difficult times in life and need a helping hand?
    • Do you have deadlines you just can’t deal with and don’t know how to cope?

    Answering yes to any of the above questions doesn’t necessarily mean you need therapy, but might suggest that you could benefit from some life coaching.

     

    Is coaching right for you?

    Before you frantically flip through the phone book for some help, step back and ask what exactly you wish to accomplish with a coach. Once you establish this, a life coach can strategize a winning plan to help you attain your goals.

    Life coaching may not be the best option for you if you have a hard time digesting constructive criticism or you just don’t think you can devote the time and energy to make a change for the better. Due to the partnership approach of coaching, it is vital that the client be open and willing to the experience.

    Read more: http://www.askmen.com/money/body_and_mind_100/141b_better_living.html#ixzz2W0J8tFxe

     

    Interested in bettering your life, want to grow personally and professionally, but find it hard to get motivated? Then maybe a Life Coach is what you are looking for, a Life Coach can help you stay on track, define your goals and help you achieve your dreams. Why not make a call that can change your life, to find out more, visit http://guidedinsight.wix.com/guidedinsight and set up your free session.

    God Bless

    Paul Sposite

    Guided Insight Life Coach

    Mother, Daughter and John 15:13


    A friend of mine was texting me the other night with issues she was having with her daughter, Mothers Day had come and passed and all she received from her daughter was a text stating Happy Mothers Day. Shallow and cold, I will admit, but not unexpected. The relationship between them has always been a bit strained. Even as a young child, the daughter is now in her 20’s, she was a self-centered child. Looking to always serve her own interest. The blame, as always, lies between the parents and the personality of the child.

    Her parents are divorced, I do not know the father, but know the mother well. She holds on to the divorce live a badge, she will not let it go, never have and most likely never will. She is bitter and hurt. For what I do not know, for I only know one side of the story. And as we all know, one side of a two-sided story is never enough. What I do know is the deep roots this divorce has caused. I have known the mother for over 15 years, at one time we dated, and we have remained friends after the break-up. Her lack of ability to let it go causes much pain in her and those around her, this, of course, cause issues with-in the family unit. From what I can tell, based on what I have been told by the mother and the kids, she has two, a boy and girl, the father is not very concerned with rules. He is laid back and not very concerned with structure. Is that the case, I do not know, like I said I have never had the change to meet him. But it is the narrative played out in the kids and mother.

    The mother, she is controlling and likes structure, she is deeply emotional and likes lots of affirmations, one could say she is needy.  Is she a bad person, no, I think she has a big heart and means well, but I do think she has a difficult time defining love, to me it seems she places a tangible value on love and fails to see love as intangible. She needs to “see” love, the feeling is not enough.

    Sure, I will be the first to admit Love is many things, tangible and intangible, but I will also be the first to admit that Love is not one thing, it’s not seeing over feeling, and Love does not always show it self in the ways we would expect. Sometimes the smallest of acts, a smile at just the right moment, says Love more than the words could ever do, Sometimes, but not Always…

    Sometimes that same smile can be spiteful and hurtful… Love is…. What is it?

    The bible offers us many passages about love, but the one that came to mind when I was talking to my friend, trying to help her through the latest issue with her daughter was this…

    John 15:13

    13 Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.

    New American Standard Bible (NASB)

     

    Why this passage of all passages… The Holy Spirit works in odd ways, let me tell you….

    Some back ground of the conversations:

    As I said, the daughter text her “Happy Mothers Day” her son, who is in Mexico as part of his seminarian training, called her and talked for 2 hours. A drastic difference, but the two kids are as different as night and day, so not unexpected. But back to the issue at hand.

    She asked me what I thought of it all, my response, What did you expect from her. Her response, Love. This conversation went on for about 45 minutes (by the way, I hate texting).

    She asked for my advice on what she should do, my advice, same as it has been for a few years now, Stop expecting what she will not provide you. Her response, What, I should not expect my daughters love.

    Not exactly what I was talking about, I explained that she loves you, but you will never get the response you want, and if you keep setting yourself up for disappointment, that’s what you will always get.

    Still no go, her questions, Is it so wrong for a mother to want her child’s love. My response, No, it’s not wrong, but you cannot force anyone to love you in the way you want or need. Love does not force, it does not control and it is not needy. She did not really like that response from me. Sometimes the truth hurts.

    But she knows me well, and she knows I always speak my mind and tell it as I see it. No harm was intended and I am sure no harm was done. So she asked for clarification.

    My clarifications, We have to learn to accept the love that is offered, not try to change the love to be what we want. This did not help. She still felt that love was a tangible thing.

    Her plan of action

    The daughter’s birthday is next month, so her plan is to give her daughter a photo of the three of them, the mother and the two kids. Sounds nice, unless you know the daughter, and I do… She will reject this, not because she hates her brother and not because she hates her mother, but she will reject it out of spite. Just to retain the control over her mother. The more she rejects her mom, the more control she has over her. Her mothers need for tangible love is strong, and her mothers need to control is strong (she is a passive aggressive controller).So the rejection of the photo would only lead to the mother feeling hurt and trying to figure out what she can do to earn her daughters love. This, of course, gives the daughter all the power, and the mother none.

    My response to the planed gift, Not a good idea. Do not play into her hands. So what than should I do, was her next question.. Text her, Happy Birthday, and offer her a dinner. Leave it at that… She was not happy with that recommendation. Her concern, if the daughter rejects the dinner invite, that would hurt more, and she really wants to give the photo and birthday card.

    The real concern, she wants to gain the upper hand, to have control, to tug at her daughter’s heart-strings, and she thinks the family photo will do the trick.

    But she is missing the point, the text and dinner offer gives her the control, the daughter would not expect the same treatment she gives her mother. Now some would say I was being childish, but I beg to differ. The response is not meant to hurt, but to level the playing field, to stop setting oneself up for one disappointment after another, to start to accept the kind of love the daughter was offering and to learn that sometimes we must let go.

    So this is the point where I offered my bible verse:

    13 Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.

    The point of the passage was missed on her. But it was too late at night for me to get in to is, so I told her to think on it. She asked me to send her an email explaining it to her, so this post is my response (I will only send her the part concerning the passage, all the above back ground information is for us only…Unless she reads this blog…)

    Why did that passage pop into me head as a good passage to use? What was the Holy Spirit leading me to? And how do I explain it? Well here I will try:

    When most people read that passage, the first think that comes to mind is Jesus upon the cross, offering up His life for our sins. Offering it up freely… WOW, that is true love and friendship. So most of us think of it as the ultimate act of sacrifice for love and friendship, to offer ones life, and it is, if it is not takes to lightly. We read stories and see it on the news, people placing themselves in danger for a child or a loved one, we even see it being done for total strangers (think Boston Marathon bombing).

    The gift of life should never be taken lightly and should never be given lightly. But is that the only way one can lay down ones life for a friend? I think not!

    *Parents lay down their life for their children on a daily basis. Not always by risking death, sometimes it is by stand by their child through a sickness or by supporting a child through hard times. The love of a parent knows no bounds. The parent knows that rejection of the love is always a possibility, but it is offered anyway, parents know a child my do something that may go beyond anything they may have ever dreamed their child was capable of (think school shootings), but even than a parent will stand by their child. They may not approve of the child’s actions, they may even be the ones to turn them in to the authorities, but there love for that child does not falter. They are willing to take the mean words offered to them by others who do not understand, that will defend their child even if it means they to are persecuted. This is a death they are willing to undertake for their child. Not a physical death, but yet, it is still a death.

    Consider a parent of an addict, they offer help and forgiveness to their child, they take them in and support them, only to have the addiction take over their child, yet again. But they continue to support and make excuse for the child, to shelter them from the crudeness of the world. Thinking that they are helping the child, suffering with the child, only to see the child falter again. This is not laying down ones life, it is protection of ones own life. The child needs to learn how to fail, so they can learn how not to fail. For the parent this means to let the child fail, and in doing so, they to will feel the failures the disappointments and resentment of and from the child. This is a death, but like the death of Jesus, there is a resurrection, a new life.

    The new life comes from the child’s understanding that actions have consequences, that the addiction causes pain. But if the parent kept sheltering the child, the pain is always shifted to the parent, the child takes no responsibility for their actions. But by the parent allowing the child to feel the failure the parent is also allowing the child to grow to learn and to experience a new life. And the parent is also allowed to grow, to learn and to experience a new life. This most likely will not happen in tandem with each other, the parent may experience the new life before the child even realizes what has just happened, or the parent may take years to come to terms with the fact that they allowed their child to fail. But in the end, Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends… And a life can be laid down in many ways.

    God Bless

    Paul Sposite

    Guided Insight Life Coach

    * The examples are given to illustrate a point, I am not implying that this is always the case. And before anyone starts yelling at me about the addiction example, yes I do understand additions, yes, I know what I am talking about… But remember, it was an example, not a real life situation, so deal with it…

     

     

     

     

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    Gen Leadership


    7_generationsLeadership is all-to-often defined in terms that can often times sound controlling or manipulative. Back in 1982 or 83 I was given the opportunity to take the Dale Carnegie course in Effective Communications, part of the course content was his book, How to win friends and influence people, the title never sat well with me, and it was not until years latter when I took the Christopher’s Leadership course did I understand why I did not like the book title, and truth be told, was not overly pleased with the Dale Carnegie course as a whole, the reason, to me it seems that the Dale Carnegie course was all based on manipulating people, not leading them. To me, leadership is not about manipulation but more about Generosity, Generations, Generativity and Engender.

    Leadership in not about control or manipulation but rather relationships.

    The four words I above to describe leadership all share the root of GEN – from Greek genoa, from Latin genus -  Greek -genēs born, produced; akin to Latin genus, kin. Leadership is Kinship, relation. When we are being true leaders we are building a kind of kinship, a kind of family as it were. Leadership depends upon a feeling of belonging, a feeling of being part of the over all group – the extended family – and manipulation of others does not achieve that goal.

    Lets look at each word:

    Generosity:

    gen·er·os·i·ty

    /ˌdʒɛn əˈrɒs ɪ ti/  [jen-uh-ros-i-tee]

    noun, plural gen·er·os·i·ties.

    1. readiness or liberality in giving.

    2. freedom from meanness or smallness of mind or character.

    3. a generous act: We thanked him for his many generosities.

    4. largeness or fullness; amplitude.

    A leader is one who is ready to give, to give of there knowledge and experience, with out expecting anything in return. A leader is large in Character, one who works hard to remove meanness as one of there attributed and is quick to give thanks and praise when needed. Leaders, true leaders, do not look to others to make themselves look good, but rather help others to achieved there goals and allowing them to take all the credit once the goal has been achieved.

    Generation:

    gen·er·a·tion

    /ˌdʒɛn əˈreɪ ʃən/ [jen-uh-rey-shuh n] 

    noun

    1. the entire body of individuals born and living at about the same time: the postwar generation.

    2. the term of years, roughly 30 among human beings, accepted as the average period between the birth of parents and the birth of their offspring.

    3. a group of individuals, most of whom are the same approximate age, having similar ideas, problems, attitudes, etc. Compare Beat Generation, Lost Generation.

    4. a group of individuals belonging to a specific category at the same time: Chaplin belonged to the generation of silent-screen stars.

    5. a single step in natural descent, as of human beings, animals, or plants.

    Leadership is not in a void, no leader can ever claim to have become a leader without look back to past generations. We do not exist in a void, we are not omnipotent – having very great or unlimited authority or power – we achieve greatness but learning from the past. Our present is based on the great leaders of past generations, and out future generations will be built upon our examples of leadership. No leader stands alone, all leaders build upon the leaders of generations gone by.

    Generativity:

    generativity

    Part of Speech: n

    Definition:
    a concern for others developed during middle age, esp.a need to nurture and guide younger people and contribute to the next generation

    Leaders, authentic leaders, do not keep there knowledge to themselves, they freely give of it, they use there skills to help build the leaders of the generations yet to come. Mentoring is an essential pare of leadership, a leader with out  monitories is like a ship with out a sail, no leader can lead if they do not first and foremost  teach there skills to others, Leadership is teaching on a higher plane, and a teacher with out a pupil is no teacher at all, they are nothing more than a blowhard with an audience.

    Engender:

    en·gen·der

    /ɛnˈdʒɛn dər/ [en-jen-der] 

    verb (used with object)

    1. to produce, cause, or give rise to: Hatred engenders violence.

    2. to beget; procreate.

    verb (used without object)

    3. to be produced or caused; come into existence: Conditions for a war were engendering in Europe.

    Leaders produce they rise up and they procreate, leaders bring into existence ideas and actions, they procreate but helping to build the leaders of tomorrow, they are, in short, the mothers and fathers of the next great leader, the next big revolution and the next breakthrough for humanity. Leaders are anything but static, they are dynamic in all meanings of the work.

    Gen Leadership

    Gen Leadership calls us to reexamine our motives and techniques we deploy as leaders. Are we leaders for our own sake, or leaders for the sake of others? Do we believe that we stand alone as a leaders, or we we stand with many generations of leaders?  Do we procreate, are we actively engaged in mentoring new leaders or do hold our leadership cards close to our chest?

    Take some time to truly reflect upon the questions, reread the the four different GEN leadership qualities, examine the deeper meanings and see how they currently fit into your leadership style. If they don’t fit in, how can you add them in, what can you do to start to incorporate them into your leadership tool box?

    Gen Leadership is more about others than about self, Gen Leadership looks to the past to see the future. Are you a Gen Leader?

    God Bless

    Paul Sposite

    Guided Insight Life Coach

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    Destructive Thinking


    I thought I would share another found article….

    ——START—–

    post written by: Marc

    10 Destructive Faults in Our Way of Thinking

    Image(3)

    The human mind is wonderful and powerful, but it’s far from perfect.  There are several common judgment errors that it’s prone to making.  In the field of Psychology these are known as cognitive biases, or fallacies in reasoning.  They happen to everyone regardless of age, sex, education or intelligence.

    Over the past few months I’ve become fascinated by these biases and fallacies, so I’ve readImage several books about them.  Today I want to share ten of them with you.  They are the ones I repeatedly notice myself and those closest to me struggling with.  My hope is that you will use the information in this article to pinpoint these destructive patterns in your own thinking, and break free from them before they send you spiraling down the wrong path.

    1. Negative self-fulfilling prophecies. – A self-fulfilling prophecy is a prediction that motivates a person to take actions that cause the prediction to come true.  This kind of thinking often tears relationships apart and causes people to fail at their goals.  Here are two typical examples:  1.) A man believes that his relationship with his new girlfriend is “never going to last.”  So he stops putting effort into the relationship, pulls away emotionally, and a month later the relationship fails.  2.) An intelligent undergraduate in the field of health convinces herself that she “doesn’t have what it takes” to become a doctor, so she therefore never completes the prerequisites for medical school, and thus never becomes a doctor.
    2. Only taking credit for positive outcomes. – This destructive thinking pattern occurs when we take full credit for our successes, but deny responsibility for our failures.  A perfect example of this can be witnessed in school classrooms across the globe.  When students receive a good grade, they often attribute it to their intelligence and their excellent study habits.  But when they get a bad grade, they attribute some of their failure to a bad teacher, an unfair set of test questions, or a subject matter that “isn’t needed in the real world anyway.”  The bottom line is that in order for a person to grow emotionally, they must be willing to take full responsibility for all of their actions and outcomes – successes and failures alike.
    3. Believing we are immune to temptation. – We have far less control over our impulsive desires than we often believe.  Sex, food, and drug addictions are extreme examples of this.  Many addicts believe they can quit anytime they want, but in reality they are simply lying to themselves.  But you don’t have to be an addict to be vulnerable to temptation.  Lots of smart people end up impulsively giving in to temptation simply because it’s the easiest way to get rid of it.  It sounds ridiculous, but it’s true.  If someone wants to get rid of sexual desire, the easiest way is to have sex.  If someone wants to get rid of hunger pain, the easiest way is to eat.  Restraining from impulsive behavior in the face of temptation is not easy; it takes a great deal of self-control.  So be careful, because when we have an inflated sense of control over our impulses, we tend to overexpose ourselves to temptation, which in turn promotes the impulsive behavior we want to avoid.
    4. Passing a broad judgment from an isolated incident. – An inaccurate first impression is a decent example of this one.  It’s about our natural human tendency to evaluate a person or situation from a bird’s eye view, and then presume to know enough to pass a reasonable judgment.  This happens a lot in the corporate working world.  A newer employee might show up late to work after experiencing legitimate car trouble, but their boss immediately becomes suspicious that they are not committed and responsible, and treats them as such for several weeks thereafter.  The obvious solution here is to look at the big picture before you start pointing fingers or making assumptions.
    5. Believing we can control the uncontrollable. – This thinking fallacy occurs when people begin to believe that they have some kind of direct influence or power over an external event that is completely random.  It is especially evident in the minds of amateur gamblers; especially those who have had a recent string of good luck.  For example, if you flipped a coin and asked someone to guess heads or tails, and they got it right ten times in a row, they might begin to believe that their good luck is confirmation that they have control over the outcome of each flip.  But the truth is that there is always a 50% probability of their answer being correct, and their last ten guesses were pure luck.
    6. Ignoring information that does not support a belief. – Psychologists commonly refer to this as the confirmation bias.  We as human beings naturally tend to look for information that confirms and supports our beliefs, and we tend to overlook information that does not.  We are selective in the evidence we choose to collect so that we don’t have to challenge our way of thinking, because it’s easier not to.  This destructive thinking trap is very common, and it can have detrimental effects on our productivity when we make big decisions based on false information.
    7. Beginner’s optimism. – Beginner’s optimism is the human tendency to underestimate the time required to complete an unfamiliar task.  It occurs due to a lack of planning and research on behalf of someone who is excited about doing something they have never done before.  In other words, when we get assigned a new task that we are anxious to get started on, instead of delaying the start time to accurately evaluate the level of difficulty and resources required, we simply guess and begin.  Thus, our expectation of the workload is based on raw optimism instead past experience and reliable data.  And it all backfires on us a little later when we find ourselves knee deep in work we were unprepared for.
    8. Rebelling simply to prove personal freedom. – Although more common in children, this thinking fallacy can affect people of any age.  It’s basically a person’s urge to do something they have been told not to do, for fear that their freedom of choice is being taken away from them.  This person may not even want to do whatever they are doing to rebel; however, the simple fact that they are not supposed to do it motivates them to do so anyway.  The tactic of reverse psychology is a commonly used method of exploiting this thinking fallacy in others.
    9. Judging a person’s capabilities based solely on the way they look. – This happens thousands of times a day worldwide when one person assumes something about another person based on their immediate appearance.  For example, someone might see a tall, well groomed man in his early fifties, wearing a business suit, and instantly assume he is successful and reliable, even though there is zero concrete evidence to support this assumption.  Bottom line:  You can’t judge a book by its cover.
    10. Trying to diminish losses by continuing to pursue a previous failure. – Sometimes called the sunk cost fallacy, this is a thinking fault that motivates us to continue to support a previously unsuccessful endeavor.  We justify our decision to continue investing in this failed endeavor based on our cumulative prior investment, despite new evidence suggesting that the cost, starting today, of continuing to pursue it outweighs the expected benefit.  The logical thing to do would be for us to cut our losses and change our course of action.  However, due to the sunk costs we have already invested, we feel committed to the endeavor, so we invest even more time, money and energy into it, hoping that our additional investment will reverse the outcome.  But it never will.

    If you can relate to some of these destructive thinking faults, and you’re interested in learning more about them, give these books a read.  All three are equally incredible:

    Photo by: Pejman Parvandi

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    I hope you found this article helpful…

    God Bless

    Paul Sposite

    Guided Insight Life Coach 

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    Habit Change


    I thought I would share an article with you that I found on the web. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did

    ——-START——-

    Secrets to habit change

    by Meg Selig

    Succeed at Habit Change With This One-Page "Book!"

    8 "chapters," 19 quotes, 1 page, and you’ve changed.

    Published on May 2, 2012 by Meg Selig in Changepower

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    Most people don’t change a habit with a snap of their fingers. Oh, you’ve noticed that? So have many psychologists. In fact, some psychologists, notably James Prochaska, Carlo DiClemente, and John Norcross, have done extensive research showing that most people change their habits step by step, in predictable stages, over time. The “quick-change artist” is the exception, not the rule.

    Using the stages-of-change idea (and taking a little poetic license with it), I’ve created a one-page "book" of successful habit change below. Whether you have a health goal, a relationship goal, or a work goal, this one-pager will help. Each “chapter” contains a few pithy quotes that will help propel you from stage to stage and finally to a successful resolution of your habit change challenge. Use these quotes for inspiration, wisdom, and humor as you reach for a healthier body, a calmer mind, or a happier life.


    Preface: You are not aware that anything is wrong with your harmful habit. True, there was that one time…but you’d rather not think about that.  Your habit and you are a happy couple.

    “I can resist everything but temptation.”  ~ Oscar Wilde

    “How often it is that the angry man rages denial of what his inner self is telling him.” ~ Frank Herbert

    Chapter 1:  As a result of your habit, you get a figurative or literal kick in the backside. You think about changing.

    “We must embrace pain and welcome it as fuel for our journey.”  ~ Kenji Miyazawa

    “A man too busy to take care of his health is like a mechanic too busy to take care of his tools.”  ~ Spanish proverb

    Chapter 2: You get a Big Idea. This inspiration could fuel the change you want to see in yourself! This is your personal motivator!

    “There is nothing more powerful than an idea whose time has come.” ~ Victor Hugo

    “We generally change ourselves for one of two reasons: inspiration or desperation.” ~  Jim Rohn

    Chapter 3: You make the decision to change.

    “(Y)ou only need one decisive act of free will to transform the course of your own life.” ~ Jill Ker Conway

    “You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage — pleasantly, smilingly, nonapologetically — to say ‘no’ to other things. And the way to do that is by having a bigger ‘yes’ burning inside.”   ~Stephen Covey

    Chapter 4: You make a simple plan or choose a program to guide you as you change.  

    “A goal without a plan is just a wish.” ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery

    "He who has a why can endure any how."  ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

    Chapter 5: You begin your change.

    “To be in hell is to drift, to be in heaven is to steer.”  ~ George Bernard Shaw

    “Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action.”  ~ William James

    Chapter 6: You stumble. You lapse into your old ways. You try again. You alter your plan. You find better support. You fall again. You get up again. You keep going.

    "He who never makes mistakes never makes anything." ~ English proverb

    “To be enlightened is to be without anxiety over imperfection.”  ~ Buddhist saying

    “Courage is not the absence of despair; it is, rather, the courage to move ahead despite despair.”     ~ Rollo May

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    Chapter 7: Time passes. You hang in there, working on your goal. It’s getting easier. Slowly a new habit, a better habit, takes shape.

    “Discipline is remembering what you want.”  ~ David Campbell

    "Energy and persistence conquer all things." ~ Benjamin Franklin

    Chapter 8: Your new way of life has become second nature. You’ve improved your life, your health, or your relationships, probably all three. You did it!

    “He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still.” ~ Lao-tse

    “I am, indeed, a king, because I know how to rule myself.” ~ Pietro Aretino

    Do you have a quote that has inspired you as you changed your life in some way? Share it in comments!


    (c)  Meg Selig, 2012

    I am the author of Changepower! 37 Secrets to Habit Change Success (Routledge, 2009), the 232-page version of the one-page book above. For more nuggets on topics of habit change, willpower, and healthy living that are even shorter (!) than the one-page "book," like me on Facebook, and/or follow me on Twitter.

    Podcast alert!  I am honored to be the guest on Dr.Tim Pychyl’s latest podcast.You can find the podcast at http://iprocrastinate.libsyn.com/webpage/changepower, or you can subscribe to the iProcrastinate podcast on iTunes.  Dr. Pychyl, a fellow PT blogger, is a procrastination expert and interviewer extraordinaire.

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    Meg Selig is the author of Changepower! 37 Secrets to Habit Change Success.

    ——–END——-

    God Bless

    Paul Sposite

    Guided Insight Life Coach

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    The Three Types of Change


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    All change is not growth, as all movement is not forward.

    Ellen Glasgow

    Being interested in and involved in the “Change” industry, I found this quote to be dead on, All too often we tend to think that if we are changing, it must be a positive thing, that we must be growing is some manner. Nothing could be further from the truth. Some change is neutral, you neither move forward nor back, your just stand still. Yet other changes seems to be more positive, we move forward, all-be-it, sometimes a little too slow for our liking, but it’s still a move forward. Change can also move us backwards, much to our dismay.

    Let us look at each type of change and discover its potential:

    Neutral Change:

    The process of non-change, as it where, in the natural state we are neither moving forward nor back, we are just there. This state of being, I would venture, is the most common state. The state of contentment or resignation, we neither desire to change or do not possess the motivation to enact the steps necessary to change. In this state there is no complaining about your current state, but it does not mean you are satisfied with your current life, you may be, but you may also be just resigned to the fact that this is your life. This state can be a sort of sloth, a laziness or true contentment.

    Forward Change:

    This change is what most people would consider a positive change, a change that is moving you from one state to a new state. This is true, in a forward state you are moving in a new direction. However, the move may or may not be a positive move. For example, you may decide that you wish to advance your situation at work, to become a manager. To help you achieve this goal you start to read books on leadership and management. However, in your search for the right books, you are given bad advice and read books that teach you skills that cause you to back stab and claw your way to the top. You have now moved in a new direction, but that direction is not positive. It is not life affirming it is a direction that may get you that management position, but along the way you have destroyed yourself, and your relationships. Forward change is not always positive; we must pay close attention to how we go about achieving the change we desire.

    Backward Change:

    Using the example from above, you have now achieved your goal, you are a manager. Yet along the way you backstabbed many friends and you have neglected your relationships. Your life, simple, is a wreck. You have seen your failures, and no longer wish to remain the person you have become. You desire change. At this junction you have three choices. 1. Stay the course; learn to live with what you are. (Neutral) 2. Move forward, correction the misguided choices of the past. 3. Return back; Undo the changes to return to your former self.

    This third choice, to move back, sounds like a retreat that you are giving up. However, nothing could be further from the truth. Ask any good General, and they will tell you that you need to know when to retreat. That a well-timed retreat can mean the difference between victory and defeat.

    There are times in all our lives that we need to return to our past. Times that we must go back in order to truly move forward. In the example above, you may decide that returning to the “old” you bay be the best starting point to move forward to the “new” you. Especially if you never felt comfortable in the “current” you, you just created. Retreating to safety, back behind the lines, does not mean you are giving up the ground you have taken. Returning to the old you doesn’t mean you give up your new management position. However, it does mean that you must reevaluate your current position and decide if it fits into your new tactical plan.

    Change is not a single war to be won, it is many battles, some are victories others are defeats and some are draws. Nevertheless, each battle is a part of the overall war. Only in war can an army lose most of the battles, yet still win the war. We must learn to choose our battles, to plan our attach and our retreats. Learn to be content with a draw and retreat as we are with a victory.

    Recommended Reading:

    Each of the four books looks at change and life. The first two are historical in nature, but offer lessons that we all should learn. I have read each book, learned life lessons and gained insight in to myself and the world around me. Each book will teach you about the three types of changes and the power of each. Happy reading!

    Killing Lincoln

    By: Bill O`Reilly

    Publication Date: September 27, 2011

    killing

    A riveting historical narrative of the heart-stopping events surrounding the assassination of Abraham Lincoln, and the first work of history from mega-bestselling author Bill O’Reilly

    The anchor of The O’Reilly Factor recounts one of the most dramatic stories in American history—how one gunshot changed the country forever. In the spring of 1865, the bloody saga of America’s Civil War finally comes to an end after a series of increasingly harrowing battles. President Abraham Lincoln‘s generous terms for Robert E. Lee‘s surrender are devised to fulfill Lincoln’s dream of healing a divided nation, with the former Confederates allowed to reintegrate into American society. But one man and his band of murderous accomplices, perhaps reaching into the highest ranks of the U.S. government, are not appeased.

    In the midst of the patriotic celebrations in Washington D.C., John Wilkes Booth—charismatic ladies’ man and impenitent racist—murders Abraham Lincoln at Ford’s Theatre. A furious manhunt ensues and Booth immediately becomes the country’s most wanted fugitive. Lafayette C. Baker, a smart but shifty New York detective and former Union spy, unravels the string of clues leading to Booth, while federal forces track his accomplices. The thrilling chase ends in a fiery shootout and a series of court-ordered executions—including that of the first woman ever executed by the U.S. government, Mary Surratt. Featuring some of history’s most remarkable figures, vivid detail, and page-turning action, Killing Lincoln is history that reads like a thriller.

    Being George Washington

    By: Glenn Beck

    Publication Date: November 22, 2011

    george

    IF YOU THINK YOU KNOW GEORGE WASHINGTON, THINK AGAIN.

    This is the amazing true story of a real-life superhero who wore no cape and possessed no special powers—yet changed the world forever. It’s a story about a man whose life reads as if it were torn from the pages of an action novel: Bullet holes through his clothing. Horses shot out from under him. Unimaginable hardship. Disease. Heroism. Spies and double-agents. And, of course, the unmistakable hand of Divine Providence that guided it all.

    Being George Washington is a whole new way to look at history. You won’t simply read about the awful winter spent at Valley Forge—you’ll live it right alongside Washington. You’ll be on the boat with him crossing the Delaware, in the trenches with him at Yorktown, and standing next to him at the Constitutional Convention as a new republic is finally born.

    Through these stories you’ll not only learn our real history (and how it applies to today), you’ll also see how the media and others have distorted our view of it. It’s ironic that the best-known fact about George Washington—that he chopped down a cherry tree—is a complete lie. It’s even more ironic when you consider that a lie was thought necessary to prove he could not tell one.

    For all of his heroism and triumphs, Washington’s single greatest accomplishment was the man he created in the process: courageous and principled, fair and just, respectful to all. But he was also something else: flawed.

    It’s those flaws that should give us hope for today. After all, if Washington had been perfect, then there would be no way to build another one. That’s why this book is not just about being George Washington in 1776, it’s about the struggle to be him every single day of our lives. Understanding the way he turned himself from an uneducated farmer into the Indispensable (yet imperfect) Man, is the only way to build a new generation of George Washington’s that can take on the extraordinary challenges that America is once again facing.

    Seeds of Success

    By: Bill and Billy Moyer (Father and Son)

    Publication Date: 2008

    seeds

    This book serves as a wake up call for men and women of all ages and occupations by helping them balance their lives and realize what matters most. Will you choose success or significance? "Take a look in mirror, and redefine what matters most."–Patrick Morley

    How to Think Like Leonardo da Vinci: Seven Steps to Genius Every Day

    By: Michael J. Gelb

    Publication Date: February 8, 2000

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    Genius is made, not born. And human beings are gifted with an almost unlimited potential for learning and creativity. Now you can uncover your own hidden abilities, sharpen your senses, and liberate your unique intelligence—by following the example of the greatest genius of all time, Leonardo da Vinci.
    Acclaimed author Michael J. Gelb, who has helped thousands of people expand their minds to accomplish more than they ever thought possible, shows you how. Drawing on Da Vinci’s notebooks, inventions, and legendary works of art, Gelb introduces Seven Da Vinci an Principles—the essential elements of genius—from curiosity, the insatiably curious approach to life to concessioner, the appreciation for the interconnectedness of all things. With Da Vinci as your inspiration, you will discover an exhilarating new way of thinking. And step-by-step, through exercises and provocative lessons, you will harness the power—and awesome wonder—of your own genius, mastering such life-changing abilities as:
    •Problem solving
    •Creative thinking
    •Self-expression
    •Enjoying the world around you
    •Goal setting and life balance
    •Harmonizing body and mind
    Drawing on Da Vinci’s notebooks, inventions, and legendary works of art, acclaimed author Michael J. Gelb, introduces seven Da Vinci an principles, the essential elements of genius, from curiosity, the insatiably curious approach to life, to concessioner, the appreciation for the interconnectedness of all things. With Da Vinci as their inspiration, readers will discover an exhilarating new way of thinking.
    Step-by-step, through exercises and provocative lessons, anyone can harness the power and awesome wonder of their own genius, mastering such life-changing skills as problem solving, creative thinking, self-expression, goal setting and life balance, and harmonizing body and mind.

    Please let me know of other books you feel would be good reads for all. Post them here for all to see.

    God Bless

    Paul Sposite

     

    Guided Insight Life Coach

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