10 Ways You’re Making Your Life Harder Than It Has To Be


BY: Tim Hoch

Original Post

1.You ascribe intent.

Another driver cut you off. Your friend never texted you back. Your co-worker went to lunch without you. Everyone can find a reason to be offended on a steady basis. So what caused you to be offended? You assigned bad intent to these otherwise innocuous actions. You took it as a personal affront, a slap in the face.

Happy people do not do this. They don’t take things personally. They don’t ascribe intent to the unintentional actions of others.

2. You’re the star of your own movie.

It is little wonder that you believe the world revolves around you. After all, you have been at the very center of every experience you have ever had.

You are the star of your own movie. You wrote the script. You know how you want it to unfold. You even know how you want it to end.

Unfortunately you forgot to give your script to anyone else. As a result, people are unaware of the role they are supposed to play. Then, when they screw up their lines, or fail to fall in love with you or don’t give you a promotion, your movie is ruined.

Lose your script. Let someone else star once in awhile. Welcome new characters. Embrace plot twists.

3. You fast forward to apocalypse.

I have a bad habit of fast forwarding everything to its worst possible outcome and being pleasantly surprised when the result is marginally better than utter disaster or jail time. My mind unnecessarily wrestles with events that aren’t even remotely likely. My sore throat is cancer. My lost driver’s license fell into the hands of an al-Qaeda operative who will wipe out my savings account.

Negativity only breeds more negativity. It is a happiness riptide. It will carry you away from shore and if you don’t swim away from it, will pull you under.

4. You have unrealistic and/or uncommunicated expectations.

Among their many shortcomings of your family and friends is the harsh reality that they cannot read your mind or anticipate your whims.

Did your boyfriend forget the six and a half month anniversary of your first movie date? Did your girlfriend refuse to call at an appointed hour? Did your friend fail to fawn over your tribal tattoo?

Unmet expectations will be at the root of most of your unhappiness in life. Minimize your expectations, maximize your joy.

5. You are waiting for a sign.

I have a friend who won’t make a decision without receiving a “sign.” I suppose she is waiting on a trumpeted announcement from God. She is constantly paralyzed by a divinity that is either heavily obscured or frustratingly tardy. I’m not disavowing that fate or a higher power plays a role in our lives. I’m just saying that it is better to help shape fate than be governed by it.

6. You don’t take risks.

Two words: Live boldly. Every single time you are offered a choice that involves greater risk, take it. You will lose on many of them but when you add them up at the end of your life you’ll be glad you did.

7. You constantly compare your life to others.

A few years ago I was invited to a nice party at a big warehouse downtown. I was enjoying the smooth jazz, box wine and crustless sandwiches. What more could a guy want? Later in the evening I noticed a steady parade of well-heeled people slide past and disappear into another room. I peeked and saw a large party with beautiful revelers dancing and carrying on like Bacchus. Suddenly my gig wasn’t as fun as it had been all because it didn’t appear to measure up to the party next door- a party I didn’t even know existed until just moments before.

I do this frequently. Those people are having more fun. Mary has a bigger boat. Craig gets all the lucky breaks. Ted has more money. John is better looking.

Stop it.

Always remember what Teddy Roosevelt said: “Comparison is the thief of joy.”

8. You let other people steal from you.

If you had a million dollars in cash under your mattress, you would check it regularly and take precautions to insure it is safe. The one possession you have that is more important than money is time. But you don’t do anything to protect it. In fact you willingly give it to thieves. Selfish people, egotistical people, negative people, people who won’t shut up. Treat your time like Fort Knox. Guard it closely and give it only to those who deserve and respect it.

9. You can’t/won’t let go.

These are getting a little harder aren’t they? That’s because sometimes you have to work at happiness. Some hurdles are too difficult to clear by simply adjusting your point of view or adopting a positive mindset.

Do you need to forgive someone? Do you need to turn your back on a failed relationship? Do you need to come to terms with the death of a loved one?

Life is full of loss. But, in a sense, real happiness would not be possible without it.  It helps us appreciate and savor the things that really matter. It helps us grow. It can help us help others grow.

Closure is a word for people who have never really suffered. There’s no such thing. Just try to “manage” your loss. Put it in perspective. You will always have some regret and doubt about your loss. You may always second guess yourself. If only you had said this, or tried that.

You’re not alone. Find someone who understands and talk to that person. Reach out for support. If all else fails, try #10 below.

10. You don’t give back.

One way to deal with loss is to immerse yourself in doing good. Volunteer. Get involved in life.

It doesn’t even have to be a big, structured thing. Say a kind word. Encourage someone. Pay a visit to someone who is alone. Get away from your self-absorption.

When it comes down to it, there are two types of people in this world. There are givers and there are takers. Givers are happy. Takers are miserable. What are you?

Via Negativa: Addition by Subtraction | The Art of Manliness


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It’s a new year and people all over the world are making resolutions on how they’re going to improve themselves. Usually these goals consist of doing something new or adding a habit to their lives: get back into exercising, start journaling, launch a side hustle, adopt the Paleo diet, earn more money, etc.

But after a few weeks of motivated effort, most folks start to lose steam. They stop going to the gym, never sign up for that woodworking class, and go back to eating Pop Tarts and Doritos. And then they feel like crap because they haven’t made any progress on improving themselves.

There’s nothing wrong with making these types of positive goals, but they’re not the only way to improve your life. Just as effective as adding something to our lives, if not more so, is subtracting the things that might be holding us back.

In truth, oftentimes the path to becoming a better man is found in following the via negativa — the negative way.

via Via Negativa: Addition by Subtraction | The Art of Manliness.

Why You Should Be Making A Life Instead of Making A Living


“If you think your life is about DOINGNESS, you do not understand what you are about. Your soul doesn’t care what you do for a living and when your life is over, neither will you. Your soul cares only about what you’re BEING while you’re doing whatever you’re doing. It is a state of BEINGNESS the soul is after, not a state of doingness.”
– Neale Donald Walsch

I have never been great at making a living and for a longtime I struggled trying to figure out why I wasn’t that great at it. I would compare myself to my friends and peers who through the years have consistently turned up to work, had great careers and made a really good living . It is only recently that I have discovered that I was truly happy when I was  living my  life doing what I wanted to do – writing, speaking and coaching. . For years I was choosing to make a living doing what I “could do” but not what I ‘wanted to do”. Now in hindsight, if I knew 25 years ago what I know now, I could have had both a lot sooner – living a life and making  living doing what I loved.

via Why You Should Be Making A Life Instead of Making A Living.

10 Books That Will Change Your Life


Show me what you read, and I’ll tell you who you are….


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Are you looking for books that will change your life?    Are you wanting to get leverage on yourself, and make real changes, but you’d love a guide to assist you?

These 10 books absolutely fit that criteria.  Read them, but more importantly, do what they tell you.  It is your acting not just your reading that will get you the best results.  These books however will give you the framework that you need to take action:

via 10 Books That Will Change Your Life.

Is there such a thing as real gentlemen?


Searching the web for interesting content to post to my Guided Insight Facebook page I ran across an article  12 Things A Real Gentleman Does Differently, I found the article too be interesting, and it made me think…. “Hmmm, do they even exist anymore?”.

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Can a society of self absorbed, gadget loving, constantly plugged in really care about opening doors for someone? Can a nation that believes in the murder of innocent lives, labeled as pro-choice, really respect anyone? Can a people so concerned about political correctness and offending others really be honest and open?

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I think not…

The whole idea of a young man, or for that matter, almost any man, young or old, acting in a gentlemanly way is too foreign to us, sad to say, but it is true. In a nation where the president talks hip-hop to the youth, how is that acting like a gentlemen?  Our leaders should be our best examples to follow. when sport starts steal crab legs and rappers derogate women, how do we expect our young men to grow into being a gentlemen?

We cannot except what we do not teach. We are a nation of selfies and instagrames a nation of self promotion, feel good, do as I please as long as I enjoy it. We have allowed the nation to fail our youth, yet we still expect them to be OK… We, ourselves have failed, yet we expect them to learn the lessons we are unable to teach.

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Can we, can America, can our young boys become young men who will become Gentlemen, yes, they can, but it has to start with a cultural change, a shift away from the self promotion lifestyle.  we have to shift to a lifestyle that promotes others, the common good and respect for self and others. It can be done, but it wont be easy. Just dressing up the outside with nice suits and hat does not make one a gentleman, it just makes them a nice looking young man or boy. Being a gentlemen is more than that, yes the appearance makes a huge difference, but in-of-it-self does not make the man into a gentleman.

We, as a people, as a nation, as individuals, as men and women, have a lot of work to do… But it can be done…

 

 

God Bless

Paul Sposite

A Head spinning Catholic teaching


eucharistThe doctrine of the Real Presence asserts that in the Holy Eucharist, Jesus is literally and wholly present—body and blood, soul and divinity—under the appearances of bread and wine. Evangelicals and Fundamentalists often attack this doctrine as “umbilical,” but the Bible is forthright in declaring it (cf. 1 Cor. 10:16–17, 11:23–29; and, most forcefully, John 6:32–71). (Read more here)

As a Catholic, a lifelong Catholic, this has to be one of the most difficult concepts of the faith. The Real Presence of Jesus in the Holy Eucharist. Just the thought of it makes my head spin!

Last night I was watching a documentary on Parable TV, Apostle Peter and the Last Supper, and it made me think about the Eucharist, what it is and what it means. It made me ask myself why I believe that it is truly the Body and Blood of my Savior, why it is just a fact of my faith, and yet others find this so hard to grasp. Now please understand that I have questioned it, I have and still do struggle with it and am overwhelmed with the idea of it, but I do believe it, I do have faith in it. Not understanding is no reason not to believe…

But why do some Christians and Catholics find the truth so hard to see? Not picking on anyone here, but lets look at the Christians (by the way, yes I know Catholics are Christians), they take the bible literally, down to the last word, yet they fail to believe in the True Presence, they see it as symbolic. Jesus clearly states,

53 Jesus said to them, “Very truly I tell you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. 54 Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day. 55 For my flesh is real food and my blood is real drink. 56 Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in them. 57 Just as the living Father sent me and I live because of the Father, so the one who feeds on me will live because of me. 58 This is the bread that came down from heaven. Your ancestors ate manna and died, but whoever feeds on this bread will live forever.” 59 (The Bible)

jesus-break-breadAfter Jesus states this some of his followers walk away, leaving Jesus because they understood what Jesus was saying, that they must eat His flesh and drink His blood. Now, reason would stat that if Jesus was misunderstood, that if what He truly meant to say was that it was only a parable or a symbolic act, He would have called after them, He would have told them a new parable to clear it all up. But He did not, he let them go, and then asked his friends what they thought:

60 On hearing it, many of his disciples said, “This is a hard teaching. Who can accept it?”

61 Aware that his disciples were grumbling about this, Jesus said to them, “Does this offend you? 62 Then what if you see the Son of Man ascend to where he was before! 63 The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you—they are full of the Spirit[b] and life. 64 Yet there are some of you who do not believe.” For Jesus had known from the beginning which of them did not believe and who would betray him. 65 He went on to say, “This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless the Father has enabled them.”

66 From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him.

67 “You do not want to leave too, do you?” Jesus asked the Twelve.

68 Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. 69 We have come to believe and to know that you are the Holy One of God.” (The Bible)

To me, this is very clear, we are to eat His flesh and drink His blood… And Jesus provides that for us in the form of the Holy Eucharist. There are many other passages in the bible that back this up, but my post is not about proving out the Catholic understanding, but more about the mind boggleingness of it all.

The simple yet profound fact that Jesus, my Lord and Savior came down from Heaven, became man, lowered himself to be one of his creations, took upon himself the humiliation of humanity, suffered, died and was buried, raised up again in glory to defeat sin and the punishment of sin, death. this, in-and-of-it-self was more than enough for a fallen people, a creation that condemned its creator, yet He, the creator of all, the giver of life, leaves us more, oh, so much more. He leaves us HIMSELF! He gives us the gift of His body, blood, soul and divinity… He gives us salvation in the form of His sacrificed body. This is mind-blowing! Yet it is also humbling.

But once again Jesus tells us:

56 Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in them. (The Bible)

So each week I do as I am commanded, to eat His flesh and drink His blood, do I understand it, no, not really, but I also don’t understand how God would choose to make himself human, or how He could be dead for 3 days then rise up and walk among his friends, this is called faith. For me, the simple fact that I know in my soul, in my heart of hearts that it is true, that Jesus did do all that is claimed, the God does love me, that He did create all and send His son down to save me, that I know in a very basic way, deep within me. I know that the Good News is truly the word of God and meant for me and all of humanity. And I know that the bread and wine is Jesus in the flesh, that it is His to give, to offer, and mine to take or reject.

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I may not understand, but I do have faith… And in a very spiritual way, I do understand, because God has created me to.. And that, to me is A Head spinning Catholic teaching, one that is key to my salvation.

God Bless

Paul Sposite

Guided Insight Life Coach

Vital 4 Health

My Thoughts on the Trayvon & Zimmerman Show


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A lot has been said and posted concerning the Zimmerman verdict, some like and some do not. I think this will always be the case when we have a society that is trained to be polarizing. The media worked overtime to make sure the American public had a tainted view of the case. Starting with the edited 911 call to make Zimmerman sound like a racist, to the photo used of Trayvon and not forgetting that they created a new race category just for Zimmerman, White-Hispanic or better yet, self-proclaimed Hispanic. And as predicted, Americans fell for it, our dependency on main stream media and there left leaning agenda has been a disservice to all, but mostly to the left. They have disgraced the media, and made all left leaning politically minded people seem like nut cases. They have turned a tragedy, the death of a young man and the demise of another, into a circus. They have dishonored the memory of Trayvon and ruined the life of Zimmerman and have made any advancement in race relations have just been pushed back 20 years.

And this helps Trayvon how? This Helps Zimmerman how? This helps America how?

All three are valid questions, and all three deserve equal attention, but as things are in the this country, with the media the way it is, only the Trayvon questions will get asked, and sadly it will get asked in all the wrong ways.

It will get asked in the light of hatred and political agendas and not in the light of love and humanity, it will be asked by an uninformed media that sees only ratings and not people with souls. It will be plastered on our TV’s and blasted through the radios in voices and images of intolerance and make-believe. Fairytales will be spun and grandiose stories will be told. But in the end Trayvon will still be dead and Zimmerman will still be persecuted, and nothing, nothing will have changed, for the better.

What happened was a tragedy, for both, two people in the wrong place at the wrong time. Do I think Trayvon was up to no good, no, I don’t think so, but I was not there. Do I think Zimmerman was out to kill, no, I don’t think so, but I was not in his head at the time. What do I think, I think both men, and yes Trayvon was a man, not the 12-year-old often shown, I think both men reacted badly. Who started it, I don’t know, I was not there, but I do know it ended badly, for both, one is dead and the others life has been taken from him.

Some would argue that its ok the Zimmerman’s life is, for all practical purposes, taken from him, he is a killer and lucky to be free at all. But according to Florida law, he is not, and as far as I understand law (trust me, I don’t) the jury did the right thing.

Many have argued that Zimmerman was at fault because he followed Trayvon, and if he did not follow him, he would not have killed him. True, bad judgment on Zimmerman’s part, yep, but bad judgment and following someone are not breaking the law. Some would also argue that Trayvon should have just kept walking home, not turn around and confront Zimmerman, bad judgment on Trayvon’s part, yep, and sadly it got him killed.

Both men are at fault here, neither broke the law, but both made stupid decisions, and both have paid a price. Yes the loss of a young man is tragic, and I mean no disrespect for Trayvon, but in the end, their own choices defined what happened to them. Should Zimmerman have been convicted, no, the law in Florida is clear, should Trayvon have died, no, his life has/had meaning.

I read a lot of comments on Facebook from ignorant people, on both sides of the issue, some calling for vigilantly style justice, calling for the death of Zimmerman, and some claiming that Trayvon was nothing but a punk-ass kid looking for trouble. Was Trayvon a punk-ass kid, got me, I didn’t know him, does that mean he deserved to die, absolutely not. No more than Zimmerman deserved to be hunted down and killed vigilantly style.

I have heard it said the Zimmerman is racist, the facts don’t prove it out, I have heard it said that Trayvon was totally innocent in this, the facts don’t prove it out. Emotions are high and the rhetoric from the talking heads on main stream media is in full swig, can we expect truth from them, no, but what we can expect is more spin and political agendas, how is this honoring Trayvon? It’s not, its disgracing him and our nation. Want to honor Trayvon, set up a anti-violence campaign in his name, set up a scholarship fund, perform community service to better the lives of our youth, do something constructive and not destructive.

You want to help race relations, stop making up race issues, we have enough real ones we don’t need to fabricate them. Stop labeling people as White-Hispanic (whatever that is), African-Americans, Black, White or Yellow, we are all Americans, labels only divide, they do not unite. Ask yourself this, Is President Obama the first Black President or the first  1/2 Black 1/2 White President? And really, does it matter the color of their skin, or is it the character of their souls? Race relations will never improve if we keep injecting race into the equation when we find it convenient. To me President Obama is just American, I disagree with his polices not because he happens to be 1/2 black, but because I don’t like socialistic policies. Different political views does not make me a racist, it makes me American.

In the end, no one really wins in the Trayvon & Zimmerman show except TV networks and the ratings they will receive. The outcome of the fateful night will not change, a young mans life was cut short, his family will always suffer the loss of Trayvon and Zimmerman’s life will forever be altered, he and his family will never be the same. No winners in this, only tragedy, for Trayvon, Zimmerman and America… Sad… So very sad…

Lets hope and pray that cooler heads will prevail in the days, weeks and months to come…

 

God Bless

Paul Sposite

Guided Insight Life Coach