“If you think your life is about DOINGNESS, you do not understand what you are about. Your soul doesn’t care what you do for a living and when your life is over, neither will you. Your soul cares only about what you’re BEING while you’re doing whatever you’re doing. It is a state of BEINGNESS the soul is after, not a state of doingness.”
– Neale Donald Walsch
I have never been great at making a living and for a longtime I struggled trying to figure out why I wasn’t that great at it. I would compare myself to my friends and peers who through the years have consistently turned up to work, had great careers and made a really good living . It is only recently that I have discovered that I was truly happy when I was living my life doing what I wanted to do – writing, speaking and coaching. . For years I was choosing to make a living doing what I “could do” but not what I ‘wanted to do”. Now in hindsight, if I knew 25 years ago what I know now, I could have had both a lot sooner – living a life and making living doing what I loved.
Show me what you read, and I’ll tell you who you are….
Are you looking for books that will change your life? Are you wanting to get leverage on yourself, and make real changes, but you’d love a guide to assist you?
These 10 books absolutely fit that criteria. Read them, but more importantly, do what they tell you. It is your acting not just your reading that will get you the best results. These books however will give you the framework that you need to take action:
Searching the web for interesting content to post to my Guided Insight Facebook page I ran across an article 12 Things A Real Gentleman Does Differently, I found the article too be interesting, and it made me think…. “Hmmm, do they even exist anymore?”.
Can a society of self absorbed, gadget loving, constantly plugged in really care about opening doors for someone? Can a nation that believes in the murder of innocent lives, labeled as pro-choice, really respect anyone? Can a people so concerned about political correctness and offending others really be honest and open?
I think not…
The whole idea of a young man, or for that matter, almost any man, young or old, acting in a gentlemanly way is too foreign to us, sad to say, but it is true. In a nation where the president talks hip-hop to the youth, how is that acting like a gentlemen? Our leaders should be our best examples to follow. when sport starts steal crab legs and rappers derogate women, how do we expect our young men to grow into being a gentlemen?
We cannot except what we do not teach. We are a nation of selfies and instagrames a nation of self promotion, feel good, do as I please as long as I enjoy it. We have allowed the nation to fail our youth, yet we still expect them to be OK… We, ourselves have failed, yet we expect them to learn the lessons we are unable to teach.
Can we, can America, can our young boys become young men who will become Gentlemen, yes, they can, but it has to start with a cultural change, a shift away from the self promotion lifestyle. we have to shift to a lifestyle that promotes others, the common good and respect for self and others. It can be done, but it wont be easy. Just dressing up the outside with nice suits and hat does not make one a gentleman, it just makes them a nice looking young man or boy. Being a gentlemen is more than that, yes the appearance makes a huge difference, but in-of-it-self does not make the man into a gentleman.
We, as a people, as a nation, as individuals, as men and women, have a lot of work to do… But it can be done…
The doctrine of the Real Presence asserts that in the Holy Eucharist, Jesus is literally and wholly present—body and blood, soul and divinity—under the appearances of bread and wine. Evangelicals and Fundamentalists often attack this doctrine as “umbilical,” but the Bible is forthright in declaring it (cf. 1 Cor. 10:16–17, 11:23–29; and, most forcefully, John 6:32–71). (Read more here)
As a Catholic, a lifelong Catholic, this has to be one of the most difficult concepts of the faith. The Real Presence of Jesus in the Holy Eucharist. Just the thought of it makes my head spin!
Last night I was watching a documentary on Parable TV, Apostle Peter and the Last Supper, and it made me think about the Eucharist, what it is and what it means. It made me ask myself why I believe that it is truly the Body and Blood of my Savior, why it is just a fact of my faith, and yet others find this so hard to grasp. Now please understand that I have questioned it, I have and still do struggle with it and am overwhelmed with the idea of it, but I do believe it, I do have faith in it. Not understanding is no reason not to believe…
But why do some Christians and Catholics find the truth so hard to see? Not picking on anyone here, but lets look at the Christians (by the way, yes I know Catholics are Christians), they take the bible literally, down to the last word, yet they fail to believe in the True Presence, they see it as symbolic. Jesus clearly states,
53 Jesus said to them, “Very truly I tell you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. 54 Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day. 55 For my flesh is real food and my blood is real drink. 56 Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in them. 57 Just as the living Father sent me and I live because of the Father, so the one who feeds on me will live because of me. 58 This is the bread that came down from heaven. Your ancestors ate manna and died, but whoever feeds on this bread will live forever.” 59 (The Bible)
After Jesus states this some of his followers walk away, leaving Jesus because they understood what Jesus was saying, that they must eat His flesh and drink His blood. Now, reason would stat that if Jesus was misunderstood, that if what He truly meant to say was that it was only a parable or a symbolic act, He would have called after them, He would have told them a new parable to clear it all up. But He did not, he let them go, and then asked his friends what they thought:
60 On hearing it, many of his disciples said, “This is a hard teaching. Who can accept it?”
61 Aware that his disciples were grumbling about this, Jesus said to them, “Does this offend you? 62 Then what if you see the Son of Man ascend to where he was before! 63 The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you—they are full of the Spirit[b] and life. 64 Yet there are some of you who do not believe.” For Jesus had known from the beginning which of them did not believe and who would betray him. 65 He went on to say, “This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless the Father has enabled them.”
66 From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him.
67 “You do not want to leave too, do you?” Jesus asked the Twelve.
68 Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. 69 We have come to believe and to know that you are the Holy One of God.” (The Bible)
To me, this is very clear, we are to eat His flesh and drink His blood… And Jesus provides that for us in the form of the Holy Eucharist. There are many other passages in the bible that back this up, but my post is not about proving out the Catholic understanding, but more about the mind boggleingness of it all.
The simple yet profound fact that Jesus, my Lord and Savior came down from Heaven, became man, lowered himself to be one of his creations, took upon himself the humiliation of humanity, suffered, died and was buried, raised up again in glory to defeat sin and the punishment of sin, death. this, in-and-of-it-self was more than enough for a fallen people, a creation that condemned its creator, yet He, the creator of all, the giver of life, leaves us more, oh, so much more. He leaves us HIMSELF! He gives us the gift of His body, blood, soul and divinity… He gives us salvation in the form of His sacrificed body. This is mind-blowing! Yet it is also humbling.
But once again Jesus tells us:
56 Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in them. (The Bible)
So each week I do as I am commanded, to eat His flesh and drink His blood, do I understand it, no, not really, but I also don’t understand how God would choose to make himself human, or how He could be dead for 3 days then rise up and walk among his friends, this is called faith. For me, the simple fact that I know in my soul, in my heart of hearts that it is true, that Jesus did do all that is claimed, the God does love me, that He did create all and send His son down to save me, that I know in a very basic way, deep within me. I know that the Good News is truly the word of God and meant for me and all of humanity. And I know that the bread and wine is Jesus in the flesh, that it is His to give, to offer, and mine to take or reject.
I may not understand, but I do have faith… And in a very spiritual way, I do understand, because God has created me to.. And that, to me is A Head spinning Catholic teaching, one that is key to my salvation.
A lot has been said and posted concerning the Zimmerman verdict, some like and some do not. I think this will always be the case when we have a society that is trained to be polarizing. The media worked overtime to make sure the American public had a tainted view of the case. Starting with the edited 911 call to make Zimmerman sound like a racist, to the photo used of Trayvon and not forgetting that they created a new race category just for Zimmerman, White-Hispanic or better yet, self-proclaimed Hispanic. And as predicted, Americans fell for it, our dependency on main stream media and there left leaning agenda has been a disservice to all, but mostly to the left. They have disgraced the media, and made all left leaning politically minded people seem like nut cases. They have turned a tragedy, the death of a young man and the demise of another, into a circus. They have dishonored the memory of Trayvon and ruined the life of Zimmerman and have made any advancement in race relations have just been pushed back 20 years.
And this helps Trayvon how? This Helps Zimmerman how? This helps America how?
All three are valid questions, and all three deserve equal attention, but as things are in the this country, with the media the way it is, only the Trayvon questions will get asked, and sadly it will get asked in all the wrong ways.
It will get asked in the light of hatred and political agendas and not in the light of love and humanity, it will be asked by an uninformed media that sees only ratings and not people with souls. It will be plastered on our TV’s and blasted through the radios in voices and images of intolerance and make-believe. Fairytales will be spun and grandiose stories will be told. But in the end Trayvon will still be dead and Zimmerman will still be persecuted, and nothing, nothing will have changed, for the better.
What happened was a tragedy, for both, two people in the wrong place at the wrong time. Do I think Trayvon was up to no good, no, I don’t think so, but I was not there. Do I think Zimmerman was out to kill, no, I don’t think so, but I was not in his head at the time. What do I think, I think both men, and yes Trayvon was a man, not the 12-year-old often shown, I think both men reacted badly. Who started it, I don’t know, I was not there, but I do know it ended badly, for both, one is dead and the others life has been taken from him.
Some would argue that its ok the Zimmerman’s life is, for all practical purposes, taken from him, he is a killer and lucky to be free at all. But according to Florida law, he is not, and as far as I understand law (trust me, I don’t) the jury did the right thing.
Many have argued that Zimmerman was at fault because he followed Trayvon, and if he did not follow him, he would not have killed him. True, bad judgment on Zimmerman’s part, yep, but bad judgment and following someone are not breaking the law. Some would also argue that Trayvon should have just kept walking home, not turn around and confront Zimmerman, bad judgment on Trayvon’s part, yep, and sadly it got him killed.
Both men are at fault here, neither broke the law, but both made stupid decisions, and both have paid a price. Yes the loss of a young man is tragic, and I mean no disrespect for Trayvon, but in the end, their own choices defined what happened to them. Should Zimmerman have been convicted, no, the law in Florida is clear, should Trayvon have died, no, his life has/had meaning.
I read a lot of comments on Facebook from ignorant people, on both sides of the issue, some calling for vigilantly style justice, calling for the death of Zimmerman, and some claiming that Trayvon was nothing but a punk-ass kid looking for trouble. Was Trayvon a punk-ass kid, got me, I didn’t know him, does that mean he deserved to die, absolutely not. No more than Zimmerman deserved to be hunted down and killed vigilantly style.
I have heard it said the Zimmerman is racist, the facts don’t prove it out, I have heard it said that Trayvon was totally innocent in this, the facts don’t prove it out. Emotions are high and the rhetoric from the talking heads on main stream media is in full swig, can we expect truth from them, no, but what we can expect is more spin and political agendas, how is this honoring Trayvon? It’s not, its disgracing him and our nation. Want to honor Trayvon, set up a anti-violence campaign in his name, set up a scholarship fund, perform community service to better the lives of our youth, do something constructive and not destructive.
You want to help race relations, stop making up race issues, we have enough real ones we don’t need to fabricate them. Stop labeling people as White-Hispanic (whatever that is), African-Americans, Black, White or Yellow, we are all Americans, labels only divide, they do not unite. Ask yourself this, Is President Obama the first Black President or the first 1/2 Black 1/2 White President? And really, does it matter the color of their skin, or is it the character of their souls? Race relations will never improve if we keep injecting race into the equation when we find it convenient. To me President Obama is just American, I disagree with his polices not because he happens to be 1/2 black, but because I don’t like socialistic policies. Different political views does not make me a racist, it makes me American.
In the end, no one really wins in the Trayvon & Zimmerman show except TV networks and the ratings they will receive. The outcome of the fateful night will not change, a young mans life was cut short, his family will always suffer the loss of Trayvon and Zimmerman’s life will forever be altered, he and his family will never be the same. No winners in this, only tragedy, for Trayvon, Zimmerman and America… Sad… So very sad…
Lets hope and pray that cooler heads will prevail in the days, weeks and months to come…
"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you’ve imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler."
–Henry David Thoreau
Life Coaching is a profession that is profoundly different from consulting, mentoring, advice, therapy, or counseling. The coaching process addresses specific personal projects, business successes, general conditions and transitions in the client’s personal life, relationships or profession by examining what is going on right now, discovering what your obstacles or challenges might be, and choosing a course of action to make your life be what you want it to be.
How Does Life Coaching Work?
The Life Coaching Format:
- Complimentary Coaching Consultation
- 60 to 90 minute "Discovery" first session
- One 30 to 90 minute phone call per week
- Unlimited Email support
- Occasional brief check-in calls
Life Coaching is a designed alliance between coach and client where the coaching relationship continually gives all the power back to you, the client. We believe that you know the answers to every question or challenge you may have in your life, even if those answers appear to be obscured, concealed or hidden inside.
Our skills are about knowing the right questions to ask and having the right tools and techniques to empower you to find those answers within yourself.
You, the client, are the only expert in your entire life who truly knows who you are and what you need. You are the only expert who can recognize what is absolutely best for you. We are simply experts in the coaching process. As your coach, we help you discover what your own personal "best" might be.
Every day we make choices to do or not do many things. These choices may range from profound to trivial and each one has an effect that makes our lives more fulfilling or less fulfilling, more balanced or less balanced, that make our process of living more effective or less effective. Life coaching helps you learn how to make choices that create an effective, balanced and fulfilling life.
We help you connect your head and your heart in a way that transforms your passion for your dreams into action for your life.
We are highly trained as generalists and can coach superbly on any aspect of life. However, we may choose to specialize in one or more of the following areas :
- Relationships and Intimacy
- Stress Management and Balance
- Spirituality and Personal Growth
- Entrepreneurial and Small Business Development
- Career Planning and Development
- Motivation and Time Management
- Creativity for Artists, Writers, Musicians and Performers
- Finances and Budgeting
- Health, Aging, Lifestyle and Self-Care
- Family and Parenting
- And much more
why it works
Unlike other forms of self-help or therapy, life coaching offers a new look on basic human needs. Partnership, support and know-how are areas that distinguish life coaching from other therapies.
Tiger Woods, at the top of his game, still works on improving his skills. For this, he relies on his coach to make sure he still has the edge. A similar bond exists between the life coach and the client.
Individuals are better able to make big decisions when they have the support of friends, family, peers, or a life coach. With a life coach a client is more comfortable taking bigger strides to getting the job done and making the appropriate changes toward a better life.
It’s always best to pick a coach that has walked a similar line in life as you have. The coach will know how to help the client achieve his goal — whether it is to make more money or simply to make better decisions.
life coach vs. therapist
Life coaching and therapy are both based on support, trust and complete confidentiality. They also make equal use of listening skills and non-judgmental attitudes toward the client.
Some say that therapy deals with the past and handling emotional pain; whereas, coaching deals more with the near future and devising action plans toward a specific goal.
You can’t move toward the future without turning the page on the past. Attaining a life coach is recommended after unresolved matters are settled. Coaching may not be what you need if you have unresolved issues of the past. On the same token, if you need coaching you don’t need to get therapy first.
A therapist often seeks insight and understanding of a person’s psyche rather than focusing on strategies and life plans. Coaches are not perceived as experts — they are more or less a person with knowledge and skill, which they use to help clients achieve their goals. Coaches encourage and support the client while giving valuable advice to achieve specific life goals.
The major difference between a life coach and a therapist is the relationship between the client and the coach. The synergy between the two goes beyond what standard therapy offers. The sessions are not confined to the usual meeting rooms — more and more people contact their coach by phone, e-mail or even meet for a quick drink.
Need a life coach?
Only you will know if you really need a life coach or not. The following list of questions may help you decide:
- Do you often feel overwhelmed from the daily tasks at hand?
- Do you feel like you’re living life unconsciously?
- Do you suffer from low self-esteem?
- Do you feel like everyone seems to have a master plan but you?
- Is there a lack of support in your life?
- Do you feel like the whole world is out to get you?
- Are you going through difficult times in life and need a helping hand?
- Do you have deadlines you just can’t deal with and don’t know how to cope?
Answering yes to any of the above questions doesn’t necessarily mean you need therapy, but might suggest that you could benefit from some life coaching.
Is coaching right for you?
Before you frantically flip through the phone book for some help, step back and ask what exactly you wish to accomplish with a coach. Once you establish this, a life coach can strategize a winning plan to help you attain your goals.
Life coaching may not be the best option for you if you have a hard time digesting constructive criticism or you just don’t think you can devote the time and energy to make a change for the better. Due to the partnership approach of coaching, it is vital that the client be open and willing to the experience.
Interested in bettering your life, want to grow personally and professionally, but find it hard to get motivated? Then maybe a Life Coach is what you are looking for, a Life Coach can help you stay on track, define your goals and help you achieve your dreams. Why not make a call that can change your life, to find out more, visit http://guidedinsight.wix.com/guidedinsight and set up your free session.
A friend of mine was texting me the other night with issues she was having with her daughter, Mothers Day had come and passed and all she received from her daughter was a text stating Happy Mothers Day. Shallow and cold, I will admit, but not unexpected. The relationship between them has always been a bit strained. Even as a young child, the daughter is now in her 20’s, she was a self-centered child. Looking to always serve her own interest. The blame, as always, lies between the parents and the personality of the child.
Her parents are divorced, I do not know the father, but know the mother well. She holds on to the divorce live a badge, she will not let it go, never have and most likely never will. She is bitter and hurt. For what I do not know, for I only know one side of the story. And as we all know, one side of a two-sided story is never enough. What I do know is the deep roots this divorce has caused. I have known the mother for over 15 years, at one time we dated, and we have remained friends after the break-up. Her lack of ability to let it go causes much pain in her and those around her, this, of course, cause issues with-in the family unit. From what I can tell, based on what I have been told by the mother and the kids, she has two, a boy and girl, the father is not very concerned with rules. He is laid back and not very concerned with structure. Is that the case, I do not know, like I said I have never had the change to meet him. But it is the narrative played out in the kids and mother.
The mother, she is controlling and likes structure, she is deeply emotional and likes lots of affirmations, one could say she is needy. Is she a bad person, no, I think she has a big heart and means well, but I do think she has a difficult time defining love, to me it seems she places a tangible value on love and fails to see love as intangible. She needs to “see” love, the feeling is not enough.
Sure, I will be the first to admit Love is many things, tangible and intangible, but I will also be the first to admit that Love is not one thing, it’s not seeing over feeling, and Love does not always show it self in the ways we would expect. Sometimes the smallest of acts, a smile at just the right moment, says Love more than the words could ever do, Sometimes, but not Always…
Sometimes that same smile can be spiteful and hurtful… Love is…. What is it?
The bible offers us many passages about love, but the one that came to mind when I was talking to my friend, trying to help her through the latest issue with her daughter was this…
13 Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.
New American Standard Bible (NASB)
Why this passage of all passages… The Holy Spirit works in odd ways, let me tell you….
Some back ground of the conversations:
As I said, the daughter text her “Happy Mothers Day” her son, who is in Mexico as part of his seminarian training, called her and talked for 2 hours. A drastic difference, but the two kids are as different as night and day, so not unexpected. But back to the issue at hand.
She asked me what I thought of it all, my response, What did you expect from her. Her response, Love. This conversation went on for about 45 minutes (by the way, I hate texting).
She asked for my advice on what she should do, my advice, same as it has been for a few years now, Stop expecting what she will not provide you. Her response, What, I should not expect my daughters love.
Not exactly what I was talking about, I explained that she loves you, but you will never get the response you want, and if you keep setting yourself up for disappointment, that’s what you will always get.
Still no go, her questions, Is it so wrong for a mother to want her child’s love. My response, No, it’s not wrong, but you cannot force anyone to love you in the way you want or need. Love does not force, it does not control and it is not needy. She did not really like that response from me. Sometimes the truth hurts.
But she knows me well, and she knows I always speak my mind and tell it as I see it. No harm was intended and I am sure no harm was done. So she asked for clarification.
My clarifications, We have to learn to accept the love that is offered, not try to change the love to be what we want. This did not help. She still felt that love was a tangible thing.
Her plan of action
The daughter’s birthday is next month, so her plan is to give her daughter a photo of the three of them, the mother and the two kids. Sounds nice, unless you know the daughter, and I do… She will reject this, not because she hates her brother and not because she hates her mother, but she will reject it out of spite. Just to retain the control over her mother. The more she rejects her mom, the more control she has over her. Her mothers need for tangible love is strong, and her mothers need to control is strong (she is a passive aggressive controller).So the rejection of the photo would only lead to the mother feeling hurt and trying to figure out what she can do to earn her daughters love. This, of course, gives the daughter all the power, and the mother none.
My response to the planed gift, Not a good idea. Do not play into her hands. So what than should I do, was her next question.. Text her, Happy Birthday, and offer her a dinner. Leave it at that… She was not happy with that recommendation. Her concern, if the daughter rejects the dinner invite, that would hurt more, and she really wants to give the photo and birthday card.
The real concern, she wants to gain the upper hand, to have control, to tug at her daughter’s heart-strings, and she thinks the family photo will do the trick.
But she is missing the point, the text and dinner offer gives her the control, the daughter would not expect the same treatment she gives her mother. Now some would say I was being childish, but I beg to differ. The response is not meant to hurt, but to level the playing field, to stop setting oneself up for one disappointment after another, to start to accept the kind of love the daughter was offering and to learn that sometimes we must let go.
So this is the point where I offered my bible verse:
13 Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.
The point of the passage was missed on her. But it was too late at night for me to get in to is, so I told her to think on it. She asked me to send her an email explaining it to her, so this post is my response (I will only send her the part concerning the passage, all the above back ground information is for us only…Unless she reads this blog…)
Why did that passage pop into me head as a good passage to use? What was the Holy Spirit leading me to? And how do I explain it? Well here I will try:
When most people read that passage, the first think that comes to mind is Jesus upon the cross, offering up His life for our sins. Offering it up freely… WOW, that is true love and friendship. So most of us think of it as the ultimate act of sacrifice for love and friendship, to offer ones life, and it is, if it is not takes to lightly. We read stories and see it on the news, people placing themselves in danger for a child or a loved one, we even see it being done for total strangers (think Boston Marathon bombing).
The gift of life should never be taken lightly and should never be given lightly. But is that the only way one can lay down ones life for a friend? I think not!
*Parents lay down their life for their children on a daily basis. Not always by risking death, sometimes it is by stand by their child through a sickness or by supporting a child through hard times. The love of a parent knows no bounds. The parent knows that rejection of the love is always a possibility, but it is offered anyway, parents know a child my do something that may go beyond anything they may have ever dreamed their child was capable of (think school shootings), but even than a parent will stand by their child. They may not approve of the child’s actions, they may even be the ones to turn them in to the authorities, but there love for that child does not falter. They are willing to take the mean words offered to them by others who do not understand, that will defend their child even if it means they to are persecuted. This is a death they are willing to undertake for their child. Not a physical death, but yet, it is still a death.
Consider a parent of an addict, they offer help and forgiveness to their child, they take them in and support them, only to have the addiction take over their child, yet again. But they continue to support and make excuse for the child, to shelter them from the crudeness of the world. Thinking that they are helping the child, suffering with the child, only to see the child falter again. This is not laying down ones life, it is protection of ones own life. The child needs to learn how to fail, so they can learn how not to fail. For the parent this means to let the child fail, and in doing so, they to will feel the failures the disappointments and resentment of and from the child. This is a death, but like the death of Jesus, there is a resurrection, a new life.
The new life comes from the child’s understanding that actions have consequences, that the addiction causes pain. But if the parent kept sheltering the child, the pain is always shifted to the parent, the child takes no responsibility for their actions. But by the parent allowing the child to feel the failure the parent is also allowing the child to grow to learn and to experience a new life. And the parent is also allowed to grow, to learn and to experience a new life. This most likely will not happen in tandem with each other, the parent may experience the new life before the child even realizes what has just happened, or the parent may take years to come to terms with the fact that they allowed their child to fail. But in the end, Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends… And a life can be laid down in many ways.
* The examples are given to illustrate a point, I am not implying that this is always the case. And before anyone starts yelling at me about the addiction example, yes I do understand additions, yes, I know what I am talking about… But remember, it was an example, not a real life situation, so deal with it…