10 Ways You’re Making Your Life Harder Than It Has To Be


BY: Tim Hoch

Original Post

1.You ascribe intent.

Another driver cut you off. Your friend never texted you back. Your co-worker went to lunch without you. Everyone can find a reason to be offended on a steady basis. So what caused you to be offended? You assigned bad intent to these otherwise innocuous actions. You took it as a personal affront, a slap in the face.

Happy people do not do this. They don’t take things personally. They don’t ascribe intent to the unintentional actions of others.

2. You’re the star of your own movie.

It is little wonder that you believe the world revolves around you. After all, you have been at the very center of every experience you have ever had.

You are the star of your own movie. You wrote the script. You know how you want it to unfold. You even know how you want it to end.

Unfortunately you forgot to give your script to anyone else. As a result, people are unaware of the role they are supposed to play. Then, when they screw up their lines, or fail to fall in love with you or don’t give you a promotion, your movie is ruined.

Lose your script. Let someone else star once in awhile. Welcome new characters. Embrace plot twists.

3. You fast forward to apocalypse.

I have a bad habit of fast forwarding everything to its worst possible outcome and being pleasantly surprised when the result is marginally better than utter disaster or jail time. My mind unnecessarily wrestles with events that aren’t even remotely likely. My sore throat is cancer. My lost driver’s license fell into the hands of an al-Qaeda operative who will wipe out my savings account.

Negativity only breeds more negativity. It is a happiness riptide. It will carry you away from shore and if you don’t swim away from it, will pull you under.

4. You have unrealistic and/or uncommunicated expectations.

Among their many shortcomings of your family and friends is the harsh reality that they cannot read your mind or anticipate your whims.

Did your boyfriend forget the six and a half month anniversary of your first movie date? Did your girlfriend refuse to call at an appointed hour? Did your friend fail to fawn over your tribal tattoo?

Unmet expectations will be at the root of most of your unhappiness in life. Minimize your expectations, maximize your joy.

5. You are waiting for a sign.

I have a friend who won’t make a decision without receiving a “sign.” I suppose she is waiting on a trumpeted announcement from God. She is constantly paralyzed by a divinity that is either heavily obscured or frustratingly tardy. I’m not disavowing that fate or a higher power plays a role in our lives. I’m just saying that it is better to help shape fate than be governed by it.

6. You don’t take risks.

Two words: Live boldly. Every single time you are offered a choice that involves greater risk, take it. You will lose on many of them but when you add them up at the end of your life you’ll be glad you did.

7. You constantly compare your life to others.

A few years ago I was invited to a nice party at a big warehouse downtown. I was enjoying the smooth jazz, box wine and crustless sandwiches. What more could a guy want? Later in the evening I noticed a steady parade of well-heeled people slide past and disappear into another room. I peeked and saw a large party with beautiful revelers dancing and carrying on like Bacchus. Suddenly my gig wasn’t as fun as it had been all because it didn’t appear to measure up to the party next door- a party I didn’t even know existed until just moments before.

I do this frequently. Those people are having more fun. Mary has a bigger boat. Craig gets all the lucky breaks. Ted has more money. John is better looking.

Stop it.

Always remember what Teddy Roosevelt said: “Comparison is the thief of joy.”

8. You let other people steal from you.

If you had a million dollars in cash under your mattress, you would check it regularly and take precautions to insure it is safe. The one possession you have that is more important than money is time. But you don’t do anything to protect it. In fact you willingly give it to thieves. Selfish people, egotistical people, negative people, people who won’t shut up. Treat your time like Fort Knox. Guard it closely and give it only to those who deserve and respect it.

9. You can’t/won’t let go.

These are getting a little harder aren’t they? That’s because sometimes you have to work at happiness. Some hurdles are too difficult to clear by simply adjusting your point of view or adopting a positive mindset.

Do you need to forgive someone? Do you need to turn your back on a failed relationship? Do you need to come to terms with the death of a loved one?

Life is full of loss. But, in a sense, real happiness would not be possible without it.  It helps us appreciate and savor the things that really matter. It helps us grow. It can help us help others grow.

Closure is a word for people who have never really suffered. There’s no such thing. Just try to “manage” your loss. Put it in perspective. You will always have some regret and doubt about your loss. You may always second guess yourself. If only you had said this, or tried that.

You’re not alone. Find someone who understands and talk to that person. Reach out for support. If all else fails, try #10 below.

10. You don’t give back.

One way to deal with loss is to immerse yourself in doing good. Volunteer. Get involved in life.

It doesn’t even have to be a big, structured thing. Say a kind word. Encourage someone. Pay a visit to someone who is alone. Get away from your self-absorption.

When it comes down to it, there are two types of people in this world. There are givers and there are takers. Givers are happy. Takers are miserable. What are you?

Real men… Do they exist?


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America has lost the art of Manhood… Real men are hard to comeby .. Infact manhood has been demonized…

A study by The Innovation Group released on Friday showed that members of Gen-Z largely reject the idea of gender binaries — like male or female — and a majority do not consider themselves “completely heterosexual.”
Read the article here

Is our nation removing manhood? Will we become a nation if nongenders?

Men and women are allowed to vote for whomever they want. However, our choices can tell a lot about who we are and our belief systems. Voting for Bernie Sanders is voting to be “taken care of,” not unlike a child or a dog. Real adults- both men and women- vote for those who will offer the best opportunities, not the best “free stuff.” A conservative woman recently penned an article detailing how “men” who support Bernie Sanders can never actually call themselves “real men.” The title sound inflammatory, but the points are compelling:

Read the full article here…

I once thought I was strong because I could bench press 365 lbs. and felt like the Hulk after a little workout. I once thought I was strong because people looked at me and I could tell they were impressed or intimidated by my height and build. When I became a husband and father, I’ve come to realize this is a feeble and laughable strength.

Read the article here…

We need to return to true manhood… Or our Nation will be lost.. We need to return to true womenhood, our civilization will be lost… We have genders for a reason…

 

God Bless

Paul Sposite

The Memory Secret | The Saturday Evening Post


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I was a grind.

That was the word for it back in the day: the kid who sweated the details, who made flashcards. A striver, a grade-hog, a worker bee — that kid — and I can see him clearly now, almost 40 years later, bent over a textbook, squinting in the glow of a cheap desk lamp.

I can see him early in the morning, too, up and studying at 5 o’clock: sophomore year, high school, his stomach on low boil because he can’t quite master — what? The quadratic formula? The terms of the Louisiana Purchase? The Lend-Lease policy, the mean value theorem, Eliot’s use of irony as a metaphor for … some damn thing?

via The Memory Secret | The Saturday Evening Post.

Via Negativa: Addition by Subtraction | The Art of Manliness


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It’s a new year and people all over the world are making resolutions on how they’re going to improve themselves. Usually these goals consist of doing something new or adding a habit to their lives: get back into exercising, start journaling, launch a side hustle, adopt the Paleo diet, earn more money, etc.

But after a few weeks of motivated effort, most folks start to lose steam. They stop going to the gym, never sign up for that woodworking class, and go back to eating Pop Tarts and Doritos. And then they feel like crap because they haven’t made any progress on improving themselves.

There’s nothing wrong with making these types of positive goals, but they’re not the only way to improve your life. Just as effective as adding something to our lives, if not more so, is subtracting the things that might be holding us back.

In truth, oftentimes the path to becoming a better man is found in following the via negativa — the negative way.

via Via Negativa: Addition by Subtraction | The Art of Manliness.

How to Cut Toxic People Out Of Your Life | The Art of Manliness


Self improvement is something I am passionate about, I truly believe we can make our lives whatever we want it to be, no matter who or what we are. Born in the inner city or with a silver spoon in your mouth, its all the same, you have the ability to control your destiny.


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There’s an old myth that frogs will pull down other frogs trying to escape a pot of boiling water. That’s likely the stuff of folklore, but the dynamic is real: in everyone’s life, there will always be people who will resist, threaten, and sabotage the possibility of self-improvement.

This general group of people — whom we can safely call “toxic” — might resent your progress for any number of reasons. Perhaps they think you’ll no longer be in their life if you improve too much. Maybe they feel like your improvement exposes their own shortcomings. Or perhaps they’re just threatened by the idea of change.

The causes are less important than the effects, which can take the form of anger, resentment, frustration, manipulation, or cruelty (or a debilitating combination thereof). At any given moment, you might be finding yourself dealing with toxic friends, family members, or colleagues who — consciously or unconsciously — are sabotaging your happiness and growth. Identifying these individuals and understanding how to manage them is absolutely crucial to your well-being, success, and happiness.

So in this piece, we’re going to discuss how to recognize toxic people and navigate the often difficult and emotional process of removing these toxic people from your life.

Because in a very real way, your future depends on it.

via How to Cut Toxic People Out Of Your Life | The Art of Manliness.

DETROIT: Man shot ‘over bag of potato chips’ | The American Mirror


What the hell is going on in this world? Killing over CHIPS! really! Life has no value, the culture of death is upon us… Yep, this does relate back to the whole abortion issue, once you make life disposable, what value does it have? None! So now its death of chips… I hope the killer enjoyed them, and I hope they where something worth it, like Better Made, and not no name chips…
 
God help us all….


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via DETROIT: Man shot ‘over bag of potato chips’ | The American Mirror.

He Walks By An Arguing Couple And Sees Fear in Her Eyes. What He Did Next Likely Saved Her Life | Top Right News


Good to read about good people…


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Malyk Bonnet says he doesn’t think of himself as a hero. But the woman who owes her life to the uncommon courage and good judgment of this 17-year old would say otherwise.

As Prudence Hill of IJR reported, Bonnet was on his way home from work when he noticed a couple arguing by a bus stop. Persuaded that the man might hit the woman, Bonnet approached them.

When the man asked Bonnet for money to take the bus to Laval, Quebec, Bonnet noticed how frightened the woman seemed and formulated a plan. He decided to give the couple money for the bus trip, and told them that he also lived in Laval and would travel with them.

via He Walks By An Arguing Couple And Sees Fear in Her Eyes. What He Did Next Likely Saved Her Life | Top Right News.