Change is an important part of our lives, its something we need to be doing, constantly. The act of standing still is the act of slowly dyeing. We are made to be active, to be on the move, at all times. It is in our DMA. And by being active I not only mean physically, but also mentally, emotionally and spiritually. We are naturally in a state of constant motion, our cells are bombarding each other, splitting and creating new from old, we breath in and out and blink our eyes with out giving it a second thought. On the molecular level, change is a constant, and the cognitive level we are always learning, growing and becoming anew. Yet for some reason we all seem to fear change, we seem to look upon change as something bad and harmful…
Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.
Change has to start with you… This past Sunday at Mass my priest said the following:
“To put the world in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order; we must first cultivate our personal life; we must first set our hearts right.”
That right, the Catholic priest quotes Confucius, because Confucius understood that change starts with you… We must change, we must continue to grow and to become… To become what ever it is that God intends us to be. We most start with self, and we cannot change unless we remove the negative from our life.
TOP 10 on how to change your behavior from negative to positive:
Stop worrying about what others get but be grateful of what you got! For example, after your yearly review, you and John Doe (the person that drives you nuts everyday) have the same rating, but your employer gives John a $5000 raise and you only got $3000. Be grateful for John and yourself for both getting a raise. Don’t compare what you got versus what John got, because bottom line it is not your money to begin with but your employer’s money…and he can do with it as he pleases. Be grateful for what you got!
Change your vocabulary! Many people do not even realize that they are negative. They use words and phrases on a daily basis that are negatively impacting their surroundings. Stay away from negative words such as "can’t" and "won’t" and instead rephrase and replace with "can" and "will"! Swearing is also very negative…and it actually shows others your lack of education…so stop that right away!
Change your tone of voice. A tone is very important when speaking. Always try to "up-end" as oppose to "down-end" your tone. Try it with "can I do that for you" to get the just of it.
Watch your body language. Body language is another way to easily be negative. I don’t mean using the ever popular middle finger either! Take a look at your shoulders…are they up and strong or down and droopy? Is your head high and proud or down and looking at the floor? Do you look into the other person’s eyes when speaking or always look away? These are some obvious signs of negativity. Stand strong and be confident, this will automatically bring you a positive vibe!
Coach yourself. No one is perfect, so the most important thing you can do is to coach yourself. After a conversation or event that you feel was negative, replay it in your head. Write down some of your "negative" behaviors or the ones that you noticed in you or others). Then rewrite them to focus on the positive. By doing this "writing" exercise, your brain will automatically start to change and you will improve day after day.
The quarter exercise. At the beginning of each day, take 8 (you can start with 2 and slowly move up to 8) quarters and put them in your pockets (as lose change that drives you crazy). The goal is to give out a positive comment to someone or use a positive gesture of some sort. Each time this is accomplish, remove one quarter. By the end of the day, your pockets need to be empty (and not because you bought a chocolate bar with the money, but because you had eight positive reinforcement)!
Speak out. If you are experiencing someone being negative, don’t just stand there and absorb it. Tell the person how they make you feel and how you are tying to change. Two things can happen, they will question you and follow you in this change or they will not hang around you any longer. If the later happens, then stay positive by inviting them for a coffee and explaining your reasoning. Offer help. If this doesn’t work, then you know that this person was not meant to be around you in the first place. Now start looking for other positive thinkers like you to hang with!
Forgive. One of the hardest things for humans to do is forgive others. Let me assure you that letting go and forgiving is a life saving event! Write down a list of the people that need forgiving and the reasons and reach out to them to forgive them. Do not discuss or dwell on the reason why there needed to be forgiving involved in the first place, just say "you know, I forgive and forget and just want to move on with our relationship. Let’s not talk about it and just accept that we are both forgiving today".
No blaming. This one is easy (yah right). When you start blaming…stop pointing the finger to the other party and turn it towards you. Focus on what YOU can do to change the situation from negative into positive. Then, act on these actions!
Act. Don’t just act positive but live positively! Surround yourself with everything and anything positive…you will see, it’s a much better quality of life!
The above was not written by me, but is good advice. And just for good measure one more quote from Confucius….
“Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change.”
Change is good, but change is hard… Just remember that we, by nature are always in a constant state of change, so to be truly in harmony with ourselves, we to must be in a constant state of change. Change is good…