Just some update to a few post in the past…
I did a few post titled “Drama Part….”, they were post dealing with a young man whom I took into my home. His Mother (using the term lightly) and him did not get along, he was in juvenile detention for 6 weeks or so for a domestic “dispute” with his mother, and when he got out he asked me if he could move in. I said yes and the dram started.
I had to go to court to get guardianship over him, originally his mother agreed to this, but as things moved on (read older post for more detail) this changed. She basically abandoned him, causing more hardship and court. But as it happened I gained stated ordered guardianship over him. In January of this year his probation was lifted, and things went down hill….
To tell the truth, even before his probation was lifted, it was an up hill battle, but one I thought he was willing to fight and win. He has anger and authority issues. He is of the mind set that sex is the path to manhood and “doing as you please” is a sign of adulthood. This mix was not, as you probably know, conducive to a positive life style, nor one that I allow in my house. As it turns out, he also did not like my rules, but seemed to deal with them as long as he had to, meaning until he was off probation.
The real issues started when I discovered his current “girl friend” was 14 at the time he started to “date” her. He is 17, and will be 18 soon. She turned 15, but that does not change the facts that she is under age and that he has a tendency to sleep with whom ever he dates. When I finally told him, after weeks of trying to convince him, that he can not date her, see her or talk to her, he decided it was time to run… And run he did.
Shortly after he ran away, I received my cell phone bill… Shock is not a strong enough word for what I felt when I saw the total due…. He managed, in less than 30 days of usage, to ring up a $150.00 bill, all over usage rates! I was not pleased. A few weeks after he ran away he called me to ask what the $150.00 on the front of his folder containing all his papers (SS card, Insurance and such) was about. When I told him it was his phone bill… His adult response “Your my guardian, you pay it”… Pay it I did, and as for him, he is, last I heard, living with his mother, missing tons of school and delving back into the life he stated he wanted to leave behind, until he found out it took lots of work…. Sad, he has good in him, but I can not force him to choose good, I can only offer the support and structure, I did, and he rejected it. God willing he will learn it all on his own, but I will not hold my breath for that to happen anytime soon.
The second update also deals with one of my boys. I have also written about in in other post. His Father, once again using the term lightly, has also basically abounded him because he did not make the top 20 of his graduation class. Or at leas that was the latest reason given. I previous postings I talked about how he needed his dad to sign stating he was not going to help his son pay for schooling. His dad, being the great dad that he is, refused to even sigh stating he would not sign… We got through that, and he went to school. Now the new issue, same results. He got a scholarship for a full ride at a community college in the Chicago area. He was very excites, and I was a proud parent… But the one parent who could help him see this opportunity come too was his dad. He had money for schooling but not rent, gas, food, etc.… Yes he can and would work, but with soccer practice and games, he would not be able to work a lot of hours. So he wrote to his dad, asking if he would please sigh for his loans.. The response.. No!
So now I have a broken hearted young man, who only wants the respect and acceptance of his father but only gets No’s. I can only do so much, and I do what I can, but I am not his father, he does not seek my love and acceptance, he knows he has it from me.
Not sure how I get all the youth with parent issues, but I do. God must have a plan for me and the youth that end up living at my house. I just pray that in the end I did all I could to help them become productive, happy and healthy adults. God willing… But I don’t hold my breath. I know I am flawed and make mistakes dealing with them.
Take the fist case listed above. Did I do the right thing? Was I to hard on him or to easy on him. Did I not understand him or even try to understand him. Was I to quick to assume? All questions that swim around in my head. And with the second case, can I be doing more? Should I do more? Should I contact his father and give him a good “What For”? Or just let it alone and he has requested I do…. I do the best I can, but never am sure it is the best….
So I hold my breath….