Sometimes doing nothing is as hard as doing something, at least when it comes to continues self improvement. The past few months my well of writing has been dried up, for several reasons, one being my attitude and in to that really a loss of words and tons of other work to do, and mix it all together and BAM.. Nothing to post for a long long time, well at least nothing consistently.
Today I started to blog, than was pulled away, yet I returned to try once more. Why, well because I think I have something to say… In truth, I found it hard not to blog, I missed it, I like the process, I like the creativity, and I like to think. So to me blogging is a great thing, the only part I don’t like is the spelling, I suck at it, and spell checker misses things sometimes, but such is life…
Why is it hard to do nothing? Why would I make such a statement, well because if you are like me,and like to always be “doing” that nothing is not “doing” it’s “nothing”. Now please understand that I do a lot of nothingness when I get home, or after my other work is done, but during the work hours I hate nothingness… And as for the process of creating a new me, well that’s a 24/7 job, and this blog is all part of that process. So when I don’t blog I’m not working an the new me… Well that’s how i use to think of it, but I have changed my view point on that. I think in a way it has been good for me to not post, to miss it, to miss the process the creativity and the satisfaction of posting my thoughts for the world to read.
When I started this blog I would get extremely upset with myself if I did not post a blog, but as of late I don’t get upset, I just miss it.
Creativity is always flowing in me, some days more than others but it’s always there, and on some days it’s a struggle to keep it all in and on other days the trickle is so small its a waste of time to even try. And I discovered that if I am in a really bad place, my mood way off kilter, that I really can’t write, that really dries up my creative pool, the past few months have been very stressful for me, and in truth I just found it extremely hard to write a positive live changing thought, so I didn’t. Now maybe I should have, maybe I needed to, but I don’t think so, I really thing I needed that nothingness to fill me, to envelope me and hold me even if just for a little while.
I am starting to get the bug to blog more, the need to post is returning, and I truly think it was because I did not force myself to blog when my heart just was not in to it. Now I could be wrong, but I don’t think so, this just feel right…