Life comes at you sometimes a little fast, that is how I have been feeling as of late. Like life is on the fast track, and, as for me, I am sort of just sitting on the sidelines.
I use to have a sires of dreams about being chased, but the problem was I forgot how to run, no matter how hard I tried or what I did, I could not run. I completely forgot how to run.
The feeling I had, in this dream, was a feeling of total loss of control and deep despair. I would wake from this dream feeling lost and confused. Life was coming at me to fast and I could do nothing about it.
Well that’s the feeling I have at the moment, life is coming and I am unable to run after it, to keep up with it or do anything about it. It’s a hard feeling to truly put in to words. I’m not depressed, nor am I over worked, sure I have a few things going on in my life, but nothing more than what I had a year ago. It’s just like I have forgotten how to live this life, like I have lost my way and I am having a hard time finding my way back.
It’s a strange feeling, it’s in the pit of my stomach and in the center of my mind, I cope and deal with the daily life issues that come up, I am at work everyday, and for the most part and happy with all that I have and with who I am. Sure I have issues, money concerns, job concerns family issues, but really no more that anyone else, and in some ways less than others.
Forgetting how to run is truly what this is all about. I have forgotten what is important, I have forgotten how to run…
Anyone who is a runner will know that you must run properly or you will injure yourself, that is true for any activity such as running, swimming or playing baseball. The proper stance or stroke is needed or you may throw out your arm, or rotate you cup the wrong way, wearing it out. Well the same is true for living your life. You have to know the proper stance in life, you have to understand when you are wearing out your life from too much wrong usage. I feel that is where I am at, that the excess weight is starting to wear on me, that my mind is drifting away from the truth of life and that I need to relearn how to live this life, to save myself from injury. Plane and simple, I need to learn how to run…
In my dream I never seemed to get away from what ever was chasing me, it never got closer, but it never faded away. The harder I tried the more I failed. I would wake soaked and out of breath with a dreaded feeling that if I turned around I would see my advisory directly behind me. This dream would last for weeks sometimes, leaving me mentally drained and emotionally on edge.
The good news of all this is sooner or later I would remember how to run, and I would out run my pursuer, and life would return to a more normal ebb and flow. Currently I am waiting for that feeling, the feeling of running once again, it will return of this I have no doubt. There is a life lesson in all this, I am sure, there always is. And if I allow it, that life lesson could change my life for ever… But first I must learn to run… again…