Peter or Judas?

When I started this blog, I promised myself I would blog every day, but as you can see, I have not done so. I started out strong, but it seems my drive to do so is just not there, it could be I have nothing to say, or it could be my heart just aint in it anymore. The truth is, I mean to write every day, I even bring up word, and sometime even start typing, but nothing comes out, so I close down word, and forget about it.

I’m not sure why this block has hit me, but I assume it’s my frame of mind, that I just don’t feel very blogie at the moment. Our faith can be like that; we sometime just don’t feel very churchie or faith filled, like we know we should.

It is these moments that we really need our faith the most, the moments when faith seems far off, something not part of our lives. Advent offers us the opportunity to refuel our faith, to add in the missing parts once again, to make our faith new. Just like the birth of Christ, new life for a reason, we can add that back into our life. We can give our life the lift it needs be entering in to our faith fully, and we can use Advent, a time of preparation, to achieve that goal.

I think some of the reasons we feel less faithful is our own human nature, we are asking our human intellect to think outside the box, to believe in something that we cannot see, nor prove. We are asking our human nature to believe in something that we, ourselves, cannot be, GOD. Our ability to think outside the box is limited by our human nature, our fallen human nature to be more specific. Adam and Eve made sure we could never know God as they did, a God who walked with them in the garden, not as a human, but as a God.

Sure Advent prepares us for the birth of the Christ child, God incarnate as Jesus, a human. And sure Jesus did walk among us as fully human and full God, but that was 2000 years ago. I know my mind has a hard time wrapping around that idea.

It’s not that I don’t believe that Jesus was real, I do believe that. It’s more the fact that he was human, he had friends, a mother and step father, he ate and drank, told jokes and went to the bathroom, God himself went to the bathroom! Think about it, it is truly amazing!

Now here is my real dilemma, if I was around back then, would I have been a follower or one of the nay-Sayers? Would I have believed or would I have considered him to be a nut case? I think in some ways we have it easier now to be followers then they did back then, we have over 2000 years of history, and millions of people who all believe alike. But back then there would have only been a handful of true believers, lots of tag alongers and tons of people who would have considered him a nut case. So the question is, would I have stepped outside the norm and followed the Christ child, would I have placed my reputation on the line for this man? It’s a question that lingers in the back of my mind, always.

Think of the courage it took for Peter to follow this man, Peter the one follower whom we are always reading about, who always questioned Jesus, the one who was always screwing up. Peter, the one follower we all can relate to. Just think about the leap of faith it took to follow a simple carpenter, to place your life in his hands. Would I have been a Peter? Could I have done that? I don’t know, the question sits there, begging for a response, one that I cannot provide.

Or would I have been more like Judas, the betrayer, the one whose faith was in the human fix to the problems, the one who looked to this simple carpenter as a great war lord, to fight for the freedom on earth, not seeing the freedom of heaven that was truly being offered by Jesus. It’s a question that I will take to the grave with me, one that I am sure I will ask St. Peter, if I make it to the pearly gates.

Advent offers the perfect time to ponder such questions; Advent is a time of preparation, a time to get ready for the birth of the Christ Child, a time to welcome in the Son of Man.


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