Mother, Daughter and John 15:13

A friend of mine was texting me the other night with issues she was having with her daughter, Mothers Day had come and passed and all she received from her daughter was a text stating Happy Mothers Day. Shallow and cold, I will admit, but not unexpected. The relationship between them has always been a bit strained. Even as a young child, the daughter is now in her 20’s, she was a self-centered child. Looking to always serve her own interest. The blame, as always, lies between the parents and the personality of the child.

Her parents are divorced, I do not know the father, but know the mother well. She holds on to the divorce live a badge, she will not let it go, never have and most likely never will. She is bitter and hurt. For what I do not know, for I only know one side of the story. And as we all know, one side of a two-sided story is never enough. What I do know is the deep roots this divorce has caused. I have known the mother for over 15 years, at one time we dated, and we have remained friends after the break-up. Her lack of ability to let it go causes much pain in her and those around her, this, of course, cause issues with-in the family unit. From what I can tell, based on what I have been told by the mother and the kids, she has two, a boy and girl, the father is not very concerned with rules. He is laid back and not very concerned with structure. Is that the case, I do not know, like I said I have never had the change to meet him. But it is the narrative played out in the kids and mother.

The mother, she is controlling and likes structure, she is deeply emotional and likes lots of affirmations, one could say she is needy.  Is she a bad person, no, I think she has a big heart and means well, but I do think she has a difficult time defining love, to me it seems she places a tangible value on love and fails to see love as intangible. She needs to “see” love, the feeling is not enough.

Sure, I will be the first to admit Love is many things, tangible and intangible, but I will also be the first to admit that Love is not one thing, it’s not seeing over feeling, and Love does not always show it self in the ways we would expect. Sometimes the smallest of acts, a smile at just the right moment, says Love more than the words could ever do, Sometimes, but not Always…

Sometimes that same smile can be spiteful and hurtful… Love is…. What is it?

The bible offers us many passages about love, but the one that came to mind when I was talking to my friend, trying to help her through the latest issue with her daughter was this…

John 15:13

¹³ Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.

^{New American Standard Bible (NASB)}

 

Why this passage of all passages… The Holy Spirit works in odd ways, let me tell you….

Some back ground of the conversations:

As I said, the daughter text her “Happy Mothers Day” her son, who is in Mexico as part of his seminarian training, called her and talked for 2 hours. A drastic difference, but the two kids are as different as night and day, so not unexpected. But back to the issue at hand.

She asked me what I thought of it all, my response, What did you expect from her. Her response, Love. This conversation went on for about 45 minutes (by the way, I hate texting).

She asked for my advice on what she should do, my advice, same as it has been for a few years now, Stop expecting what she will not provide you. Her response, What, I should not expect my daughters love.

Not exactly what I was talking about, I explained that she loves you, but you will never get the response you want, and if you keep setting yourself up for disappointment, that’s what you will always get.

Still no go, her questions, Is it so wrong for a mother to want her child’s love. My response, No, it’s not wrong, but you cannot force anyone to love you in the way you want or need. Love does not force, it does not control and it is not needy. She did not really like that response from me. Sometimes the truth hurts.

But she knows me well, and she knows I always speak my mind and tell it as I see it. No harm was intended and I am sure no harm was done. So she asked for clarification.

My clarifications, We have to learn to accept the love that is offered, not try to change the love to be what we want. This did not help. She still felt that love was a tangible thing.

Her plan of action

The daughter’s birthday is next month, so her plan is to give her daughter a photo of the three of them, the mother and the two kids. Sounds nice, unless you know the daughter, and I do… She will reject this, not because she hates her brother and not because she hates her mother, but she will reject it out of spite. Just to retain the control over her mother. The more she rejects her mom, the more control she has over her. Her mothers need for tangible love is strong, and her mothers need to control is strong (she is a passive aggressive controller).So the rejection of the photo would only lead to the mother feeling hurt and trying to figure out what she can do to earn her daughters love. This, of course, gives the daughter all the power, and the mother none.

My response to the planed gift, Not a good idea. Do not play into her hands. So what than should I do, was her next question.. Text her, Happy Birthday, and offer her a dinner. Leave it at that… She was not happy with that recommendation. Her concern, if the daughter rejects the dinner invite, that would hurt more, and she really wants to give the photo and birthday card.

The real concern, she wants to gain the upper hand, to have control, to tug at her daughter’s heart-strings, and she thinks the family photo will do the trick.

But she is missing the point, the text and dinner offer gives her the control, the daughter would not expect the same treatment she gives her mother. Now some would say I was being childish, but I beg to differ. The response is not meant to hurt, but to level the playing field, to stop setting oneself up for one disappointment after another, to start to accept the kind of love the daughter was offering and to learn that sometimes we must let go.

So this is the point where I offered my bible verse:

¹³ Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.

The point of the passage was missed on her. But it was too late at night for me to get in to is, so I told her to think on it. She asked me to send her an email explaining it to her, so this post is my response (I will only send her the part concerning the passage, all the above back ground information is for us only…Unless she reads this blog…)

Why did that passage pop into me head as a good passage to use? What was the Holy Spirit leading me to? And how do I explain it? Well here I will try:

When most people read that passage, the first think that comes to mind is Jesus upon the cross, offering up His life for our sins. Offering it up freely… WOW, that is true love and friendship. So most of us think of it as the ultimate act of sacrifice for love and friendship, to offer ones life, and it is, if it is not takes to lightly. We read stories and see it on the news, people placing themselves in danger for a child or a loved one, we even see it being done for total strangers (think Boston Marathon bombing).

The gift of life should never be taken lightly and should never be given lightly. But is that the only way one can lay down ones life for a friend? I think not!

*Parents lay down their life for their children on a daily basis. Not always by risking death, sometimes it is by stand by their child through a sickness or by supporting a child through hard times. The love of a parent knows no bounds. The parent knows that rejection of the love is always a possibility, but it is offered anyway, parents know a child my do something that may go beyond anything they may have ever dreamed their child was capable of (think school shootings), but even than a parent will stand by their child. They may not approve of the child’s actions, they may even be the ones to turn them in to the authorities, but there love for that child does not falter. They are willing to take the mean words offered to them by others who do not understand, that will defend their child even if it means they to are persecuted. This is a death they are willing to undertake for their child. Not a physical death, but yet, it is still a death.

Consider a parent of an addict, they offer help and forgiveness to their child, they take them in and support them, only to have the addiction take over their child, yet again. But they continue to support and make excuse for the child, to shelter them from the crudeness of the world. Thinking that they are helping the child, suffering with the child, only to see the child falter again. This is not laying down ones life, it is protection of ones own life. The child needs to learn how to fail, so they can learn how not to fail. For the parent this means to let the child fail, and in doing so, they to will feel the failures the disappointments and resentment of and from the child. This is a death, but like the death of Jesus, there is a resurrection, a new life.

The new life comes from the child’s understanding that actions have consequences, that the addiction causes pain. But if the parent kept sheltering the child, the pain is always shifted to the parent, the child takes no responsibility for their actions. But by the parent allowing the child to feel the failure the parent is also allowing the child to grow to learn and to experience a new life. And the parent is also allowed to grow, to learn and to experience a new life. This most likely will not happen in tandem with each other, the parent may experience the new life before the child even realizes what has just happened, or the parent may take years to come to terms with the fact that they allowed their child to fail. But in the end, Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends… And a life can be laid down in many ways.

God Bless

Paul Sposite

Guided Insight Life Coach

* The examples are given to illustrate a point, I am not implying that this is always the case. And before anyone starts yelling at me about the addiction example, yes I do understand additions, yes, I know what I am talking about… But remember, it was an example, not a real life situation, so deal with it…

 

 

 

 

Related articles

• A Mother’s Love (modernmanofthecloth.com)
• Mothers’ Day: Damn I Forgot!! (thoughtsthatforge.wordpress.com)

 

These are my thoughts… (a post from my friend)

A fantastic post by a good friend…..

 

These are my thoughts…

…shared mostly so you can understand where I am coming from, even if you disagree with me.

It is 11:47 pm right now and I should be sleeping. I should be sleeping but I am unable to. One hour ago, it appeared that the current president was going to win his bid for re-election. One hour ago, I walked into our family room and asked my husband to come join me in our room and hold me until I fell asleep. He fell asleep firs…(typical) I asked him to come hold me because I am scared. Here is the thing, I know I have a lot of friends who voted for ‘the other guy’ and I know that tonight is a night of celebration for you. I know you will be happy and think that you have reached a level of success. I know you are certain that something better has happened for our country. I know you are confident that you can believe in the change that you are striving for. And finally, I know that you don’t quite know why people like me are so scared. I thought I would let you know why. Because here is the thing, understanding where the ‘other’ is coming from is a good thing. I want to help you understand…. (To Keep reading, select here)

_____________________

God Bless

Paul Sposite

Guided Insight Life Coach

 

The Sound of Electronic Silence

Cover of Sounds of Silence (Exp)

Hello darkness, my old friend
I’ve come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence

Sounds Of Silence By: Simon & Garfunkel

The song has an quality to it that makes it seem kind of dark, almost eerie feeling. Some would consider it a depressing song, a song with no hope. But I hear it differently, I hear it as a song of inner peace, a song searching for the meaning of self, the meaning of life, to me it is a song of becoming.

In todays world of connectedness, Wi-Fi and smart phones, we are never to far from being connected to someone or something. In fact we are frightened of being non-connected, of being off the grid as it were. Silence is the “monster under the bed” of many, they fear it, but have no rational reason to do so.

Recently I took a vacation to Koln Germany, I brought my iPad and smart phone, the iPad for reading and checking up on my home via Facebook and the smart phone, just incase I needed to call home. The phone was on, but never used, in-fact a few times it lost its charge, the iPad, well it was on daily, to read the news of the day and to check in on the doings of the two young lads who were watching over my home and pets, and to read. My postings to my Twitter (@paulsposite) and Facebook were at a stand still, and my blogging was put on the back burner. The sound of silence was welcomed, and was filled with real conversations with real people.

Wait, how can I say that, how can the silence be filled with conversation? What do I mean? What the hell am I talking about?

Silence comes in many different flavors, there is, of course, the traditional silence, no sound at all, just the nothingness that surrounds you. This silence is very useful, allowing you to become fully aware of yourself and your surroundings. I have talked about this kind of silence before, the need for it in our lives, even if its just 15 minutes per day, a time to reset and replenish your energy. I have spoken about how Jesus used this time time of silence to hear His Fathers commands and how we need to do the same. But this is not the silence I am referring to today, today I am referring to the digital silence, the silence of electronics. The need to replace the buzz of phones and instant messaging with the hum of humanity.

The world we are living in, is a world of connections, we are connected to each other  in ways we have never seen. We have Facebook friends and Twitter alliances, we instant message each other on our way to be with each other and than continue to message others why we are with each other. We are fearful of being disconnected, we are fearful that we will miss out, we are fearful of the silence of technology.

I love technology, and use it daily, I live on my iPad, I like keeping up with my friends and family and reading the latest news events as they happen, but I also love the down time, the time for me to just sit and be still. When I first got my iPad I was on it every waking hour, posting every  news article I read, and every quote I heard. I felt connected, I felt as if I was contributing to the massive world discussion of politics and current events. I still do post, more than some but less than others, but I have cut back, I have learned lessons and I have become friends with silence once more. Now most nights I post a few things, but for the most part my iPad is closed and away from me. Why the change, why did I give it up, if it was truly something I enjoyed? Simple, the stacks of magazines, books and other stuff that goes unread, the projects that are delayed and the time for silence that is lost. I was replacing all my enjoyment with one thing, the iPad and the net had become my single place of activity. The books I intended to read have collected dust, the magazines I subscribe to have gone unread and in many cases unopened. The projects I have started around the house are 1/2 finished or barley started and all the great plans I have made are just that, plans but no actions.

Is it the fault of the iPad, Facebook or Twitter, nope, its all mine, I allowed them to fill up the silence, I allowed them to take over and become my anti-silence. There is a time and a place for Facebook and Twitter, the iPad offers me many great opportunities to be silent, I have many great books downloaded that I could be reading, I have the ability to work on some of the projects I have started or want to start, its not the fault of technology, but the fault of my use of it.

My To-do list is long, but my actions are short. My personal silent time was lacking, but this is changing. My time in Germany, on my vacation, allowed me to once again remember the quality time I had when I had the time for silence. I remembered that the iPad does not own me, but I own it, I remembered that there is an On and Off switch on it, that if it can be turned on, it can also be turned off. I like that… I think it’s a lesson most of us need to learn, that what can be turned on, The TV, the Radio, the Computer or iPad, MP3 player, all it can also be turned off. The book that is closed can be opened, the magazine that sits there can be picked up. The walk you have been talking about can become reality and the quiet evening spent with good friends over a glass of wine can happen with out the smart phones. Life can exist with out being connected, life did before Wi-Fi and it can do so once again.

We need to re-learn that missing a phone call will not end our life, that not posting our current global position every 15 minutes will not cause the earth to spin off its axis and that our Facebook friends do not really need to know what we are eating or reading or watching every moment of the day. We need to understand that Twitter will still be Twittering with out our little comments and life will go on with or without our input.

The lesson will be hard, we have become so use to posting and tweeting that it almost seems second nature. But life will go on, technology is not the essence of life, this is a hard, true fact.

We need to remember that Wi-Fi cannot replace Face to Face, that Facebook is not the same as “Lets do dinner” and that a tweet is not the same as conversations over a glass of beer. Each have there time and purpose, but one cannot, and should not, replace the other. Reading a good book, be it paper or electronic cannot be replaced by reading the tweets of some celebrity you decided to stalk, and video chatting with your loved ones is not the same as dinner and a movie.

With the Christmas season upon us, maybe we should consider this. Maybe this year when we are buying all our gifts, maybe we could venture out of the electronics department and look in the old fashion game department, you know the ones were you have to sit face to face to play, were you have plastic game pieces and paper money. Or maybe this year when you are planning your Christmas party you could make it a mandatory Electronics Free Zone Party. No Phones, smart or otherwise, no iPads or other Wi-Fi connected devices. Maybe even have a few board games and deck of cards out, maybe you can even communicate directly to each other, you know face to face.. Just a thought….

Look for the opportunities to become electronic free, look for times you can be “Off the Grid” and enjoy the silence of no electronics in your life. Rediscover live that is Twitter free, learn to live a life of no Facebook, even if its for just a few hours per day, make rules for when the smart phones must become silent, establish a time with all OFF buttons must be in use. It can be done, my friends in Germany, they do something very radical, they turn off the power to there modem when they are done using the computer… They disconnect from the grid, and they survived! We can do it, I know we can, besides the benefit of not being connected to the web, you will also save energy… It’s a big step, and I admit, I am not there yet, but I am thinking about it. If I did do that, if I did turn the power off to my modem, not only would I not be able to surf the web, post my amazing input to Facebook, but I would also not be able to watch TV. My TV is run through my computer, I cut the cord and dished the dish years ago. The lack of internet would also turn my iPad into a very expensive e-reader and my books and magazines would become more accessible.

Now its true, its not very hard to turn it back on, but the process takes time, I would have to reboot the computer, log in and make sure all the programs are running that need to be running for my TV to work, to the time it takes would be a deterrent to just turning the TV on because I can. Its something to consider.

Lots to consider…

God Bless

Paul Sposite

Guided Insight Life Coach

 

Ben Franklin and Leadership

Portrait of Benjamin Franklin (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Leadership is something we hear about all the time, we can attend seminars, read books and articles and even blog post. Everyone seems have the solution to being a leader. To me it seems that the title of the book or workshop seems to be more important that the content of the book or workshop. The key to a multi-million dollar book is the title, not so much the content. Now don’t get me wrong, there are some great books out there on leadership, but really, is there anything we have not already hear, read or seen, is there a new holy grail of leadership quality that we just happen to stumble upon?

Can there really be something we missed? I find it hard to believe, sure there are new challenges to being a leader in the 21st century, we have a world that is connected like never before, we tweet or thoughts the moment we have them and Facebook our likes for all the world to see. We have smart phones and tablets that keep us connected to the grid at all times, allowing us to “lead” at any given moment. We can bark our orders to all with one simple posting and we can “keep tabs” on our team with a few clicks of the mouse.

So sure there are new challenges, but has leadership really changes? New tools for a new world, but is being a leader harder today than 10, 20, 50, 100 or 1000 years ago? I think not, if anything, it should be easier. Think about it… Before the advent of cellphones and the internet leaders had to communicate face to face or through well written letters that would take days, weeks or months to arrive at its destination.

Case and point:

Ben Franklin the American Statesmen who helped define this nation, a founding father and great leader. He could not tweet the French monarchy and ask for help in the American cause, he could not pick up his cell phone and give them a little ring nor text them a question. He had only two options, write a letter and send  it off, on a boat to France or pack up his bags and head there himself. Franklin did both. The letter first, stating his purpose and announcing his arrival and than he himself heading off. This was no 8 hour flight, it was a long and treacherous trip on a ship. Not a modern-day cruse liner, but a wooden vessel with very few comforts we would consider must haves.

The trip is only part of it, a lot could change in the time it took Franklin to travel from America to France, and he had no real way of knowing so. There was not onboard communication device to receive updates on the revolution back home. Franklin was flying blind, or should I say, sailing blind. By the time Franklin arrives in France the fight could have been over, the British could have defeated the rebels and his trip could have been in vane.

Sure, we may have times were we are flying blind, times we may feel as if we are on a ship sailing off to ports unknown, but we are never truly out of the loop, not in todays connected society. We few postings to our Linked In account, a few Google searches and before we know it, we have the latest rumors or tid-bits of information. Franklin had none of this, in fact, by the time he arrives in France, the French would know more about the revolution latest happenings than him.

Franklin would have to update himself once in France, based on old news, for even the “breaking news” in France would have been weeks if not months old. No instant updates or news feeds for Mr. Franklin, he had to use his intuition to read between the lines of the old news and speculate on the news yet to come. No fact checking or quick call to the home office to verify his information, nope, Franklin had to just wait for updates.

Franklin spent months in France, waiting for the perfect moment to ask the King for help, he used his time to learn and plan. His face, his words and actions represented the Face of America to the French.

Leaders today have lost the art of statesmanship, most have lost the art of communication, be it a political leader, corporate or community leader, we expect instant results with instant feedback. Look around you, how many people are attached to there smart phones and tablets. How many are afraid to make any decision on there own, how many do not like to wait, feel lost without being connected to the outside world. Leadership is the ability to think on your own, the ability to think of others, Ben Franklin had to do this on a daily bases, he had to consider the nation with out the latest polls to help him form a decision.

Sure he wrote letters home and waited for the reply, the lattes news on how the fight for independence was going, knowing that the news, at best, was weeks old. His decisions were based on facts that could not be easily verified and checked. Life was different, some would say less complex, less hectic, but was it really?

Leadership is not always being in the know, but sometimes its intuition, the gut feeling or reaction. Great leaders learn to trust themselves and others. The Founding Fathers had to have faith in Franklin, they had to trust that he would represent them well, but also trust that his intuition would serve them and the nation, a nation that was at war, fighting for its very existence.  They had to do it based on blind trust, they had no ability to contact him via phone or text, the written word was all the had, and even that was delayed, old news, by the time it reached him. Our very existence depended on a mans intuition and his ability to be a statesman.

Leadership is not new nor has it really changed, the challenges are timeless and the values are eternal. The tools may have changes, but the underlining principals of leadership are universal and forever-in-a-day. This is why we so often look back in history to find examples of true leadership, Washington, Gandhi, Martian Luther King Jr. and many others. Books have been written and seminars given on the leadership styles od Jesus, the Art of War is still considered on of the best books on leadership, yet we still feel the need to try to separate ourselves, to pretend that our day and age is different, that our circumstances calls for new approaches, yet leadership qualities have not changes, they have remained constant and universal throughout history.

We may label them differently, give them updated descriptions but if you spend the time, look for the root of leadership, you will find that all leadership styles breakdown to the same basics:

-Trust

- In self

-In others

-Intuition, gut feelings

-Commutation

-Listening

-Verbal

-Non-Verbal

-Written

-Faith

-In a greater power

-In Self

-In Humanity

-Action

-When to take action

-When not to take action

Leadership in not new and improved because we have new tools, email, twitter, Facebook and Linked In are tools to allow us to lead, but the basics never change. Leadership is still about others, about placing yourself not at the front, but at the rear, not lifting yourself above others, but lifting others above yourself. A true leader is not elected to power, does not take or steal power, a true leader is elevated, raises naturally and humbled by the power granted to them by the ones they lead. The Founding Fathers understood this, and they lived it.

God Bless

Paul Sposite

Guided Insight Life Coach

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Words and Power

Benjamin Franklin (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Words are powerful things; they have the power to change history, to create revolution and to mend broken hearts. I was reminded of this fact this morning when I gave the following quote to a friend:

There are three things extremely hard: steel, a diamond, and to know one’s self.

– Benjamin Franklin

The quote is a tab bit hard to understand unless you take the time to see the words as they are. When I first read it, I read it as only two things, stealing a diamond and knowing thy self. I missed the nuance of the punctuation, and of course my mind replace steal for steel. This friend also did the same, but in order to “fix” the problem they wanted to rewrite the quote, or better yet, reorder the words. They wanted

There are three things extremely hard: a diamond, steel, and to know one’s self.

Yes, it makes the reading a bit easier on us, but it is not what Mr. Franklin said, and not how he wanted it stated. For anyone who knows Ben knows that he loved the English language and was a master at it. I do not know for sure, but I would venture to guess that he placed the words exactly as he did for a very specific purpose. Regardless, his words should be represented as he stated them. Words are very powerful indeed, and rearranging them or substituting them can and often does cause issues.

Misunderstandings are often the result of misplaced or missed used words. The Founding Fathers understood this, and knew the power of the written word, the permanence of them and the importance of each word. The Catholic Church is known to spend years debating the simplest of words, knowing that a simple, yet very important distinction are between using one word over another. Nuances in communication is extremely important, politicians know this, this is why they hire speech writers and practice there talking points, a simple slip-up can cause them to lose the election. We often call the gaffes, but what they really are, are moments of truth.

Words, spoken or written have the power to shape our destinies or destroy our past. Historians understand this, they understand how they can write about our Founders, telling the truth, yet leading you to a conclusion that is anything but the truth. The omission of words alters the facts, but leaves behind the basic truth.

We recently saw this in the Trayvon Martian case. The news media played the tape, the call from George Zimmerman, but by omitting one seeming simple line of conversation, the narrative changed. Words have the power to unite or to divide.

It seems to me, that we have lost the art of words; we have simplified them, dumb them down and turned them into meaningless letters. For example, take the word “Fair”, we hear it almost daily, “Fair share” “Fair Play”, as is “All Americans deserve a fair share of the American Dream”. I agree, but I would venture to guess that my understanding of Fair is not the majorities understanding. Most would think of fair as equal, as in, if one person has the dream, to be fair about it, all should have the dream. Not so, fair does not mean equal.

free from bias, dishonesty, or injustice: a fair decision; a fair judge. (Source)

To be fair only means to offer the same,

as great as; the same as (often followed by to or with ): The velocity of sound is not equal to that of light. (Source)

Take your time, read the definitions and you will notice the nuance, the words have meaning…

We need to return to the day when words had meanings, when the power of words were understood and respected. How did we get to this point, I am not sure, I have my own theories, but they are just that, mine. I would place the blame on the dummying down of America, instead of keeping our standards high and expecting people to reach for them, we have lowered the standards, all in the name of fairness, so all can reach them. Our newspapers use to be written at the 9th grade level, now many are written at the 5th grade level, our leaders use to be statesmen, speaking and writing as such, but now they strive to be everydaymen. Our schools use to expect excellence but now promote fairness, is hopes of being inclusive and accepting of all, to offer a fair chance for all to excel, yet most will not.

Our Founders understood something we have seem to have forgotten, they understood that we all deserve a fair chance at success, but we all will not achieve it. They understood that my success is not your success that each person is unique, that success is individual, not communal that fairness does not equate to equal, and that the guarantee of The Pursuit of Happiness is not the same as the guarantee of happiness. Our Founders understood the power of words, and based on them a new nation was born, a revolution declared and lives placed in the balance to defend them.

The United States was and is a Nation based on words, based on the nuances of the words and many a brave man and woman have spilled their blood upon the ground in defense of those words.

So is it really a big deal if someone reorders or replaces a word, to simplify the words, to bring them down to make them more “accessible”, Yes, I think so, I think words have meaning, have power and purpose, and to lower them, to bring them down, even in the name of understanding, is wrong. Instead, we should be striving to raise ourselves up, to strive to understand and to learn. Our Founding Fathers, many of them self-educated, saw the power in them, understood the need for them and knew that this new nation would rise up to them, and defend them or die. Patrick Henry understood:

It is in vain, sir, to extenuate the matter. Gentlemen may cry, Peace, Peace– but there is no peace. The war is actually begun! The next gale that sweeps from the north will bring to our ears the clash of resounding arms! Our brethren are already in the field! Why stand we here idle? What is it that gentlemen wish? What would they have? Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death! (Source)

Words have meaning… Words have power… Make your word count…

God Bless

Paul Sposite

Guided Insight Life Coach

Related articles

• Lazy Words (fakeplasticsouks.blogspot.com)
• 14 Lessons From Benjamin Franklin About Getting What You Want In Life (acordocoletivo.org)
• Benjamin Franklin- Continual Inspiration (the-senior-citizen-times.com)
• Original Draft: The Declaration of Independence (Jefferson abolished slavery) (libertarianreview.us)
• 14 Lessons From Benjamin Franklin About Getting What You Want In Life (businessinsider.com)
• Life Lessons: Benjamin Franklin (catsandchocolate.wordpress.com)
• Words Matter (maryjoburke.wordpress.com)

 

My Detroit

Augustus Woodward’s plan following the 1805 fire for Detroit’s baroque styled radial avenues and Grand Circus. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’m a Detroiter, I was born in the city, and I love the city. I no longer live in Detroit, I now live about 30 minutes outside of the city, but still consider myself a Detroiter. It pains me to hear negative news stories of Detroit, but it seems that’s all we ever hear. Murder, Rape, miss use of Government powers, Kids killing Kids, Drugs and other horrid actions. It saddens me when I do venture to the City to see all the majestic buildings and homes is shambles to see the empty lots filled with trash and the parks and streets empty of life.

Detroit is a shell of its former self, many do not know the true Detroit, they only know the current Detroit. The one that is on a path to self destruction, the one that fills the national news with murder and deception. Detroit is more than that, Detroit has 300 years of history, of pride and accomplishments. No, not just Cars and Motown, but Art and Architecture, Culture and Innovation. Detroit is a city of many first, The first expressway, phone book and more. Detroit is not what you think she is, she is a diamond in the ruff.

Detroit…

• is home to the Motown sound founded by Berry Gordy Jr. in 1957

• is home to the first Van Gogh painting in a public collection in the U.S. at the Detroit Institute of Arts, "Self Portrait," Vincent Van Gogh, 1887

• installed the first mile of paved concrete road, just north of the Model T plant, on Woodward Avenue between McNichols and 7 Mile Roads in 1909

• built the nation’s first urban freeway, the Davison, in 1942

• is home to the oldest state fair in the nation — the Michigan State Fair, first held in 1849

• is the potato chip capital of the world, based on consumption

• has country’s largest island park within a city — Belle Isle Park

• is home to the world’s only floating post office, the J.W. Westcott II, can be found on the Detroit River

• is north of Canada

• is second in the nation in fishing rod sales

• shares the world’s first auto traffic tunnel between two nations – the Detroit/Windsor Tunnel

• is home to the tallest hotel in the Western Hemisphere – the Detroit Marriott Renaissance Center, at 727 feet/73 stories

• the nation’s first soda — Vernors — created in Detroit by pharmacist James Vernor in 1862. Detroit is also home to Sanders hot fudge, Better Made Potato Chips, Faygo soda pop, Stroh’s Ice Cream

• has the most registered bowlers in the United States

• was the first city in the nation to assign individual telephone numbers in 1879

History of Detroit

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Ste. Anne de Détroit, founded in 1701 is the second oldest continuously operating Roman Catholic parish in the United States. The present Gothic Revival cathedral styled church was completed in 1887 and serves a largely Hispanic community.^[1][2]

The city of Detroit, Michigan, developed from a French fort and missionary outpost founded in 1701 to one of the largest American cities by the early 20th century. As reflected by the emblems on its flag, Detroit has been governed by three world powers: France, Great Britain, and the United States. The city, settled in 1701, is one of the oldest cities in the Midwest. Detroit experienced a large scale fire in 1805 which nearly destroyed the city. After the fire, Justice Augustus B. Woodward devised a plan similar to Pierre Charles L’Enfant‘s design for Washington, D.C. Detroit‘s monumental avenues and traffic circles fan out in a baroque styled radial fashion from Grand Circus Park in the heart of the city’s theater district, which facilitates traffic patterns along the city’s tree-lined boulevards and parks.^[3] Main thoroughfares radiate outward from the city center like spokes in a wheel.

During the 19th century, Detroit grew into a thriving hub of commerce and industry, the city spread along Jefferson Avenue, with multiple manufacturing firms taking advantage of the transportation resources afforded by the river and a parallel rail line. Beginning in the late 19th and early 20th century, many of the city’s Gilded Age mansions and buildings arose. Detroit was referred to as the Paris of the West for its architecture, and for Washington Boulevard, recently electrified by Thomas Edison.^[1]

Following World War II, the Detroit area emerged as a global business center with the metropolitan area becoming one of the largest in the United States. The Detroit area is the second largest U.S. metropolitan area linking the Great Lakes system. Immigrants and migrants have contributed significantly to Detroit’s economy and culture. In the 1990s and the new millennium, the city has experienced increased revitalization. Many areas of the city are listed in the National Register of Historic Places and include National Historic Landmarks.

Beginnings

The first recorded mention of what became Detroit was in 1670, when the French Sulpician missionaries François Dollier de Casson and René Bréhant de Galinée stopped at the site on their way to the mission at Sault Ste. Marie.^[4] Galínee’s journal notes that near the site of present-day Detroit, they found a stone idol venerated by the Indians and destroyed the idol with an axe and dropped the pieces into the river. Early French settlers planted twelve missionary pear trees "named for the twelve Apostles" on the grounds of what is now Waterworks Park.^[5]

Statue of French officer Antoine de la Mothe Cadillac commemorating his 1701 landing along the Detroit River.

Siege of Fort Detroit during Pontiac’s Rebellion in 1763.

The British surrender, following the American Siege of Detroit during the War of 1812.

The city name comes from the Detroit River (French: le détroit du Lac Érie), meaning the strait of Lake Erie, linking Lake Huron and Lake Erie; in the historical context, the strait included Lake St. Clair and the St. Clair River.^[6] Traveling up the Detroit River on the ship Le Griffon (owned by La Salle), Father Louis Hennepin noted the north bank of the river as an ideal location for a settlement. There, in 1701, the French officer Antoine de la Mothe Cadillac, along with fifty-one additional French-Canadians, founded a settlement called Fort Ponchartrain du Détroit, naming it after the comte de Pontchartrain, Minister of Marine under Louis XIV. Ste. Anne de Détroit, founded July 26, 1701, is the second oldest continuously operating Roman Catholic parish in the United States and the church was the first building erected at Fort Ponchartrain du Détroit.^[1][2][7][8]

France offered free land to attract families to Detroit, which grew to 800 people in 1765, the largest city between Montreal and New Orleans.^[9] Francois Marie Picoté, sieur de Belestre (Montreal 1719–1793) was the last French military commander at Fort Detroit (1758–1760), surrendering the fort on November 29, 1760 to British Major Robert Rogers (of Rogers’ Rangers fame and sponsor of the Jonathan Carver expedition to St. Anthony Falls). The British gained control of the area in 1760 and were thwarted by an Indian attack three years later during Pontiac’s Rebellion. The region’s fur trade was an important economic activity. Detroit’s city flag reflects this French heritage. (See Flag of Detroit).^[1]

The City of Detroit (from Canada Shore), 1872, by A. C. Warren

During the French and Indian War (1760), British troops gained control and shortened the name to Detroit. Several tribes led by Chief Pontiac, an Ottawa leader, launched Pontiac’s Rebellion (1763), including a siege of Fort Detroit. Partially in response to this, the British Royal Proclamation of 1763 included restrictions on white settlement in unceded Indian territories. Detroit passed to the United States under the Jay Treaty (1796). In 1805, fire destroyed most of the settlement. A river warehouse and brick chimneys of the wooden homes were the sole structures to survive.^[10]

Father Gabriel Richard arrived at Ste. Anne’s in 1796. While the local priest, he helped start the school which evolved into the University of Michigan, started primary schools for white boys and girls as well as for Indians, as a territorial representative to U.S. Congress helped establish a road-building project that connected Detroit and Chicago, and brought the first printing press to Michigan which printed the first Michigan newspaper. After his death in 1832, Richard was interred under the altar of Ste. Anne’s.^[1][2]

Detroit was the goal of various American campaigns during the American Revolution, but logistical difficulties in the North American frontier and American Indian allies of Great Britain would keep any armed rebel force from reaching the Detroit area. In the Treaty of Paris (1783), Great Britain ceded territory that included Detroit to the newly recognized United States, though in reality it remained under British control. Great Britain continued to trade with and defend her native allies in the area, and supplied local nations with weapons to harass American settlers and soldiers.

In 1794, a Native American alliance, that had received some support and encouragement from the British, was decisively defeated by General Anthony Wayne at the Battle of Fallen Timbers. Wayne negotiated the Treaty of Greenville (1795) with many of these nations, in which tribes ceded the area of Fort Detroit to the United States. Detroit passed to the United States under the Jay Treaty (1796). Great Britain agreed to evacuate forts held in the United States’ Northwest Territory. In 1805, a fire destroyed most of the settlement. A river warehouse and brick chimneys of the wooden homes were the sole remains of the structures.^[10] Detroit’s motto and seal (as on the Flag) reflect this fire.

God Bless

Paul Sposite

Guided Insight Life Coach

 

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How Folding PJ’s Changes my life

Sometimes it is hard to even start to write this blog, sometimes my mind just goes blank. Call it writers block, or what ever you want, all I know is that it is very frustrating to me. My goal is to try to write something each and everyday, I want to improve my writing, my relaying of information, and the only way to do that is to practice, and the only way to practice writing, is to write and read. The reading thing I got down, I read everyday, even if it is just a few news stories online. However the writing thing, well that’s a different story, I try to write everyday, I launch my editor everyday, I even sometimes start to type, but more often than not I delete what I have written and don’t post.

I understand that it is not an earth shattering event if I don’t post to my blog, that my readers will make it through the day, and there lives will continue, but for me it is a disappointment. I have difficulties remaining committed to tasks I set for myself. I, like a lot of people, start out strong, but seem to fizzle out shortly after the start.  I don’t give up, completely, I just fizzle…

Lets look at a few tasks that turned into Fizzles:

TASK: Eating Healthy

GOAL: Weight Loss and over all Health

At the start, I was all for it, I cleaned my cupboards and frig, tossed out what was unhealthy, tossed my snack foods and when shopping for healthy alternatives, I are carrots and other healthy stuff.  I did good for about 4 weeks, basically until I had to go shopping again. Even then it want to bad, I mostly purchased healthy stuff, but the next trip, all was lost. I was back to my old self, more or less. I did change some of my eating habits, I now go meatless two days a week, eating fish at least one day per week. I try to eat more heatlyish meals, I add more veggies to my plate and try to keep my portion size down. But my gusto for the over all healthy food didn’t take, only part of it did.

TASK: Write a Book

GOAL: Get Published

This task is somewhat different that most tasks I have, it is a task that is, in some ways completed, but in others not. I have written several manuals, for he faith formation program I, along with a partner, created. We self published the material and used it with in our parish. We did attempt to market the program, but to no success. So in one way I have already been published. But this goal is more about creating a book, not a manual, but a book for the public. I have started several “drafts” if you can call them that. I have had several ideas for a book, even began the work on them, but never get to far into it. Here i s my problem, I have research, and to write a book, you need to do research. So I always get stuck right after I lay out the concept, the ideas of what this book should look like, should be about. Once I have to do the research, I abandon the task. So I need to learn how to get over that, or I will never get published. Learn to love research or learn to pay for it, those are my two choices.

TASK: Blog Daily

Goal: Improve writing skills

This task has had several starts and stops. I started off strong on a blog called STATIC Youth, I posted daily, sometimes 2 times a day for month, never missing a day, unless I was just unable to get to the net. I even started a second blog, You Can Be new, and posted to it daily. I decided that posting to 2 blogs was just to hard, so I started to just repost the same article to both blogs, eventually I merged them into one, and renamed the STATIC blog to View Point: Paul, that blog was than merged into this blog here, An American Point of view, all the articles from both blogs were migrated to this new blog and on I went. But my postings have become less and less, my daily habit drifted away and I am finding it harder to post. This, I feel is due to the same reason that I never write my book. I made a resolution that I would do more research in to my blogs, provide more links and facts, rather than just my opinion. Because I hate research, I post less, but this may be changing, I may decide to post with or with out the back ground research, just my view-point.

So as you can see, I have issues with commitment to my own tasks, I am striving to improve, and I have, over the past few years, but I have a long way to go. I will get my book written one day, and published, I will continue to improve my eating habits and I will blog more and more. It’s all connected, this I have discovered.

Not every task I start ends up as a fizzle, for example, I decided that I would keep a tidier home. My house was never “dirty” but at times it can become untidy. So I decided to start with one task, as silly as they may sound, folding my PJ’s at night before I put them away at night. This one task has lead to many other life style changes, simple and silly as that may seem. Not sure why, but I think it was just an over all mind change. For 46 years I never concerned myself with folding PJ’s, I just stuck them in a drawer to be pulled out the next night, but now, my PJ’s a re folded, my shoes are but away each night, I polish and shine them more often (I never bothered before) and my over all bedroom remains tidy. All because I decided to fold my PJ’s.

So I know that the other tasks will happen one day, once I find there PJ’s that I need to fold. The one little task that will become the life style change I need, what ever it is.

Life is full of PJ’s, that one thing that triggers the rest to fall in to place. You know what I mean, you will walk up to that life long smoker and notice they quit. You ask them what happen and they say, Just decided it was time. They may have decided it was time hundreds of times before, but for some reason this time it was time. What changed? What made this time the right time?

The goal in life is to find your PJ’s, that one life changing event that will alter your course and set you on the path to greatness. Not greatness in the worlds eyes, but greatness in your own, greatness in the only way it matters, greatness of character and being.

That task that we place before ourselves are all created to achieve the same end, to become all we are made to be, to become the greatness we know we are to be. Each “failure” is just a lesson needed to be learned, and opportunity to fold your PJ’s yet again, in hopes that this will be your time, your moment to greatness.

Opportunities present themselves constantly, the next pair of PJ’s are always out there before us, if we choose to see them and to fold them. All we have to do is look.

God Bless

Paul Sposite

Guided Insight Life Coach

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Death and Positve aditude

As part of my weekend mornings, I love to sit and read the news, and now that I have an iPad, not only can I read the news, but now I can read articles from all kinds of different sources. One of my favorite apps for the iPad is Zite, a personalized magazine. Basically it allows you to choose the content, and based on your likes and dislikes, it customizes the content. I love it! I get to read a magazine that truly reflects my interest. I have Religion, Politics, The Beatles, Leadership, Reading and a few other topics all downloading to make my perfect magazine.

This morning as I was reading my Zite, I ran across an article that caught my eye, Thinking About Death Can Lead To A Good Life, definitely not your typical title. So I read it, and found that not only did I agree, but it was something I did naturally, and didn’t even realize the positive effects.  So I thought I would share the article with you:

Thinking About Death Can Lead To A Good Life

(source)

_{Article Date: 22 Apr 2012 – 0:00 PDT}

Thinking about death can actually be a good thing. An awareness of mortality can improve physical health and help us re-prioritize our goals and values, according to a new analysis of recent scientific studies. Even non-conscious thinking about death – say walking by a cemetery – could prompt positive changes and promote helping others.
Past research suggests that thinking about death is destructive and dangerous, fueling everything from prejudice and greed to violence. Such studies related to terror management theory (TMT), which posits that we uphold certain cultural beliefs to manage our feelings of mortality, have rarely explored the potential benefits of death awareness.
“This tendency for TMT research to primarily deal with negative attitudes and harmful behaviors has become so deeply entrenched in our field that some have recently suggested that death awareness is simply a bleak force of social destruction,” says Kenneth Vail of the University of Missouri, lead author of the new study in the online edition of Personality and Social Psychology Review this month. “There has been very little integrative understanding of how subtle, day-to-day, death awareness might be capable of motivating attitudes and behaviors that can minimize harm to oneself and others, and can promote well-being.”
In constructing a new model for how we think about our own mortality, Vail and colleagues performed an extensive review of recent studies on the topic. They found numerous examples of experiments both in the lab and field that suggest a positive side to natural reminders about mortality.
For example, Vail points to a study by Matthew Gailliot and colleagues in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin in 2008 that tested how just being physically near a cemetery affects how willing people are to help a stranger. “Researchers hypothesized that if the cultural value of helping was made important to people, then the heightened awareness of death would motivate an increase in helping behaviors,” Vail says.
The researchers observed people who were either passing through a cemetery or were one block away, out of sight of the cemetery. Actors at each location talked near the participants about either the value of helping others or a control topic, and then some moments later, another actor dropped her notebook. The researchers then tested in each condition how many people helped the stranger.
“When the value of helping was made salient, the number of participants who helped the second confederate with her notebook was 40% greater at the cemetery than a block away from the cemetery,” Vail says. “Other field experiments and tightly controlled laboratory experiments have replicated these and similar findings, showing that the awareness of death can motivate increased expressions of tolerance, egalitarianism, compassion, empathy, and pacifism.”
For example, a 2010 study by Immo Fritsche of the University of Leipzig and co-authors revealed how increased death awareness can motivate sustainable behaviors when pro-environmental norms are made salient. And a study by Zachary Rothschild of the University of Kansas and co-workers in 2009 showed how an increased awareness of death can motivate American and Iranian religious fundamentalists to display peaceful compassion toward members of other groups when religious texts make such values more important.
Thinking about death can also promote better health. Recent studies have shown that when reminded of death people may opt for better health choices, such as using more sunscreen, smoking less, or increasing levels of exercise. A 2011 study by D.P. Cooper and co-authors found that death reminders increased intentions to perform breast self-exams when women were exposed to information that linked the behavior to self-empowerment.
One major implication of this body of work, Vail says, is that we should “turn attention and research efforts toward better understanding of how the motivations triggered by death awareness can actually improve people’s lives, rather than how it can cause malady and social strife.” Write the authors: “The dance with death can be a delicate but potentially elegant stride toward living the good life.”

• Additional
• References
• Citations

Article adapted by Medical News Today from original press release. Click ‘references’ tab above for source.
Visit our psychology / psychiatry section for the latest news on this subject.

—–END—-

I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did… Gives you something to think about… Life is short, make it a great one!

God Bless

Paul Sposite

Guided Insight Life Coach

Related articles

• Spirituality – How Thinking About Death Can Lead to a Good Life (disclose.tv)
• Want to cheer yourself up? Go for a walk in a cemetery (talesfromthelou.wordpress.com)
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• How thinking about death can lead to a good life – - – MedicalXpress (richarddawkins.net)
• [essay] On Aging, or How to Age: Advise for the Young Poet (rollingdownrodeo.wordpress.com)
• How thinking about death can lead to a good life (eurekalert.org)
• How thinking about death can lead to a good life (medicalxpress.com)
• Thinking About Mortality Changes How We Act (scientificamerican.com)
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• Stayin’ Alive | Stephen Cave | New Humanist | 05 March 2012 (newhumanist.org.uk)
• Motivation (hyattractions.wordpress.com)

 

Death and Positve aditude

As part of my weekend mornings, I love to sit and read the news, and now that I have an iPad, not only can I read the news, but now I can read articles from all kinds of different sources. One of my favorite apps for the iPad is Zite, a personalized magazine. Basically it allows you to choose the content, and based on your likes and dislikes, it customizes the content. I love it! I get to read a magazine that truly reflects my interest. I have Religion, Politics, The Beatles, Leadership, Reading and a few other topics all downloading to make my perfect magazine.

This morning as I was reading my Zite, I ran across an article that caught my eye, Thinking About Death Can Lead To A Good Life, definitely not your typical title. So I read it, and found that not only did I agree, but it was something I did naturally, and didn’t even realize the positive effects.  So I thought I would share the article with you:

Thinking About Death Can Lead To A Good Life

(source)

_{Article Date: 22 Apr 2012 – 0:00 PDT}

Thinking about death can actually be a good thing. An awareness of mortality can improve physical health and help us re-prioritize our goals and values, according to a new analysis of recent scientific studies. Even non-conscious thinking about death – say walking by a cemetery – could prompt positive changes and promote helping others.
Past research suggests that thinking about death is destructive and dangerous, fueling everything from prejudice and greed to violence. Such studies related to terror management theory (TMT), which posits that we uphold certain cultural beliefs to manage our feelings of mortality, have rarely explored the potential benefits of death awareness.
“This tendency for TMT research to primarily deal with negative attitudes and harmful behaviors has become so deeply entrenched in our field that some have recently suggested that death awareness is simply a bleak force of social destruction,” says Kenneth Vail of the University of Missouri, lead author of the new study in the online edition of Personality and Social Psychology Review this month. “There has been very little integrative understanding of how subtle, day-to-day, death awareness might be capable of motivating attitudes and behaviors that can minimize harm to oneself and others, and can promote well-being.”
In constructing a new model for how we think about our own mortality, Vail and colleagues performed an extensive review of recent studies on the topic. They found numerous examples of experiments both in the lab and field that suggest a positive side to natural reminders about mortality.
For example, Vail points to a study by Matthew Gailliot and colleagues in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin in 2008 that tested how just being physically near a cemetery affects how willing people are to help a stranger. “Researchers hypothesized that if the cultural value of helping was made important to people, then the heightened awareness of death would motivate an increase in helping behaviors,” Vail says.
The researchers observed people who were either passing through a cemetery or were one block away, out of sight of the cemetery. Actors at each location talked near the participants about either the value of helping others or a control topic, and then some moments later, another actor dropped her notebook. The researchers then tested in each condition how many people helped the stranger.
“When the value of helping was made salient, the number of participants who helped the second confederate with her notebook was 40% greater at the cemetery than a block away from the cemetery,” Vail says. “Other field experiments and tightly controlled laboratory experiments have replicated these and similar findings, showing that the awareness of death can motivate increased expressions of tolerance, egalitarianism, compassion, empathy, and pacifism.”
For example, a 2010 study by Immo Fritsche of the University of Leipzig and co-authors revealed how increased death awareness can motivate sustainable behaviors when pro-environmental norms are made salient. And a study by Zachary Rothschild of the University of Kansas and co-workers in 2009 showed how an increased awareness of death can motivate American and Iranian religious fundamentalists to display peaceful compassion toward members of other groups when religious texts make such values more important.
Thinking about death can also promote better health. Recent studies have shown that when reminded of death people may opt for better health choices, such as using more sunscreen, smoking less, or increasing levels of exercise. A 2011 study by D.P. Cooper and co-authors found that death reminders increased intentions to perform breast self-exams when women were exposed to information that linked the behavior to self-empowerment.
One major implication of this body of work, Vail says, is that we should “turn attention and research efforts toward better understanding of how the motivations triggered by death awareness can actually improve people’s lives, rather than how it can cause malady and social strife.” Write the authors: “The dance with death can be a delicate but potentially elegant stride toward living the good life.”

• Additional
• References
• Citations

Article adapted by Medical News Today from original press release. Click ‘references’ tab above for source.
Visit our psychology / psychiatry section for the latest news on this subject.

—–END—-

I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did… Gives you something to think about… Life is short, make it a great one!

God Bless

Paul Sposite

Guided Insight Life Coach

Related articles

• Spirituality – How Thinking About Death Can Lead to a Good Life (disclose.tv)
• Want to cheer yourself up? Go for a walk in a cemetery (talesfromthelou.wordpress.com)
• Want to cheer yourself up? go for a walk in a cemetery (refreshingnews99.blogspot.com)
• How thinking about death can lead to a good life – - – MedicalXpress (richarddawkins.net)
• [essay] On Aging, or How to Age: Advise for the Young Poet (rollingdownrodeo.wordpress.com)
• How thinking about death can lead to a good life (eurekalert.org)
• How thinking about death can lead to a good life (medicalxpress.com)
• Thinking About Mortality Changes How We Act (scientificamerican.com)
• Does our terror Of Death form our Beliefs? (disclose.tv)
• Stayin’ Alive | Stephen Cave | New Humanist | 05 March 2012 (newhumanist.org.uk)
• Motivation (hyattractions.wordpress.com)

 

Did Jesus set us up for Failure?

 

Jesus H. Christ (Photo credit: angelofsweetbitter2009)

“I give you a new commandment: Love one another as I have loved you.” (John 13:34)

Jesus, after washing the feet of His friends, gave the commandment to love one another as he has loved us, that, my friends, is a hard commandment. The love of Jesus is the love of God, for Jesus is God, therefor Jesus’ love is Gods love, and we are commanded to love as Jesus loved. WOW…. Talk about asking a lot of someone.

The love that Jesus gives us is a love that knows no boundaries, has no conditions placed upon it and is given freely and without expectation. I don’t know to many people like that. At best our parents, but even they have limits, there Jesus like love is reserved for their children. Yet reading the news, we know that not all parents love as Jesus loves. But that’s the closest I can get to a love that even comes close to the commandment that Jesus gives us at the last supper.

So why would Jesus command us to do something that we seem unable to do, that seems so hard and unreachable? Why would the all-knowing and loving Jesus have us try and fail at such a task? Is is so He can sit back and laugh at our meager attempts to love as He loved? Did Jesus set us up for failure?

It’s kind of hard to imagine Jesus devising a grand plan to watch us fail, I just don’t see Him that way. So, why would He command something so hard…

Because it is hard, loving others in a perfect way, the way Jesus calls us to love, is hard, no way around it. But is it impossible, that is the next question. Did Jesus give us an impossible task? Would He, the all loving, really give His creation a commandment that was impossible to uphold?

I don’t think so…

Live all the teachings of Jesus, the command to love as He loves is a command to better ourselves, to grow and deepen our relationship with Christ. It is through Him that we can achieve anything.

²² “Have faith in God,” Jesus answered. ²³ “Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them. ²⁴ Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. Mark 11:22-24 (NIV)

The key to the commandment to Love one another as Jesus has loved you, is to have faith in God, to love God with all your heart mind and soul:

He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’ ; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ ”
Luke 10:26-28

The answer is love… Love of God and love of self…

So are we set up for failure? Nope, not at all, Jesus understands that the command is not easy, but He also knows that we are capable of achieving it. Jesus knows that we will need His help, that we will need to lean on His love. that without love of Him, we are incapable of love of self or others. Jesus’ command causes us to have to call on Jesus, to love Jesus. Jesus wants us to rely on Him, to depend upon His love, and to use His love to help us love others. So no, Jesus does not expect us to fail, but He does expect us to call upon Him, to depend upon Him and to love Him.

We are capable to love others as Jesus has loved us, but only to the extent that we are able to love Jesus and our self. Use this Holy day deepen your love of Christ, and pray for the strength to learn how to love yourself. Call upon Jesus to teach you how to love, call upon the mercy of God to show you true love and call upon Mary, the mother of our Lord, to show you how to love her Son. Use Holy Thursday as a day of love.

God Bless & Blessed Holy Thursday

Paul Sposite

Guided Insight Life Coach

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