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Mother, Daughter and John 15:13


A friend of mine was texting me the other night with issues she was having with her daughter, Mothers Day had come and passed and all she received from her daughter was a text stating Happy Mothers Day. Shallow and cold, I will admit, but not unexpected. The relationship between them has always been a bit strained. Even as a young child, the daughter is now in her 20’s, she was a self-centered child. Looking to always serve her own interest. The blame, as always, lies between the parents and the personality of the child.

Her parents are divorced, I do not know the father, but know the mother well. She holds on to the divorce live a badge, she will not let it go, never have and most likely never will. She is bitter and hurt. For what I do not know, for I only know one side of the story. And as we all know, one side of a two-sided story is never enough. What I do know is the deep roots this divorce has caused. I have known the mother for over 15 years, at one time we dated, and we have remained friends after the break-up. Her lack of ability to let it go causes much pain in her and those around her, this, of course, cause issues with-in the family unit. From what I can tell, based on what I have been told by the mother and the kids, she has two, a boy and girl, the father is not very concerned with rules. He is laid back and not very concerned with structure. Is that the case, I do not know, like I said I have never had the change to meet him. But it is the narrative played out in the kids and mother.

The mother, she is controlling and likes structure, she is deeply emotional and likes lots of affirmations, one could say she is needy.  Is she a bad person, no, I think she has a big heart and means well, but I do think she has a difficult time defining love, to me it seems she places a tangible value on love and fails to see love as intangible. She needs to “see” love, the feeling is not enough.

Sure, I will be the first to admit Love is many things, tangible and intangible, but I will also be the first to admit that Love is not one thing, it’s not seeing over feeling, and Love does not always show it self in the ways we would expect. Sometimes the smallest of acts, a smile at just the right moment, says Love more than the words could ever do, Sometimes, but not Always…

Sometimes that same smile can be spiteful and hurtful… Love is…. What is it?

The bible offers us many passages about love, but the one that came to mind when I was talking to my friend, trying to help her through the latest issue with her daughter was this…

John 15:13

13 Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

 

Why this passage of all passages… The Holy Spirit works in odd ways, let me tell you….

Some back ground of the conversations:

As I said, the daughter text her “Happy Mothers Day” her son, who is in Mexico as part of his seminarian training, called her and talked for 2 hours. A drastic difference, but the two kids are as different as night and day, so not unexpected. But back to the issue at hand.

She asked me what I thought of it all, my response, What did you expect from her. Her response, Love. This conversation went on for about 45 minutes (by the way, I hate texting).

She asked for my advice on what she should do, my advice, same as it has been for a few years now, Stop expecting what she will not provide you. Her response, What, I should not expect my daughters love.

Not exactly what I was talking about, I explained that she loves you, but you will never get the response you want, and if you keep setting yourself up for disappointment, that’s what you will always get.

Still no go, her questions, Is it so wrong for a mother to want her child’s love. My response, No, it’s not wrong, but you cannot force anyone to love you in the way you want or need. Love does not force, it does not control and it is not needy. She did not really like that response from me. Sometimes the truth hurts.

But she knows me well, and she knows I always speak my mind and tell it as I see it. No harm was intended and I am sure no harm was done. So she asked for clarification.

My clarifications, We have to learn to accept the love that is offered, not try to change the love to be what we want. This did not help. She still felt that love was a tangible thing.

Her plan of action

The daughter’s birthday is next month, so her plan is to give her daughter a photo of the three of them, the mother and the two kids. Sounds nice, unless you know the daughter, and I do… She will reject this, not because she hates her brother and not because she hates her mother, but she will reject it out of spite. Just to retain the control over her mother. The more she rejects her mom, the more control she has over her. Her mothers need for tangible love is strong, and her mothers need to control is strong (she is a passive aggressive controller).So the rejection of the photo would only lead to the mother feeling hurt and trying to figure out what she can do to earn her daughters love. This, of course, gives the daughter all the power, and the mother none.

My response to the planed gift, Not a good idea. Do not play into her hands. So what than should I do, was her next question.. Text her, Happy Birthday, and offer her a dinner. Leave it at that… She was not happy with that recommendation. Her concern, if the daughter rejects the dinner invite, that would hurt more, and she really wants to give the photo and birthday card.

The real concern, she wants to gain the upper hand, to have control, to tug at her daughter’s heart-strings, and she thinks the family photo will do the trick.

But she is missing the point, the text and dinner offer gives her the control, the daughter would not expect the same treatment she gives her mother. Now some would say I was being childish, but I beg to differ. The response is not meant to hurt, but to level the playing field, to stop setting oneself up for one disappointment after another, to start to accept the kind of love the daughter was offering and to learn that sometimes we must let go.

So this is the point where I offered my bible verse:

13 Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.

The point of the passage was missed on her. But it was too late at night for me to get in to is, so I told her to think on it. She asked me to send her an email explaining it to her, so this post is my response (I will only send her the part concerning the passage, all the above back ground information is for us only…Unless she reads this blog…)

Why did that passage pop into me head as a good passage to use? What was the Holy Spirit leading me to? And how do I explain it? Well here I will try:

When most people read that passage, the first think that comes to mind is Jesus upon the cross, offering up His life for our sins. Offering it up freely… WOW, that is true love and friendship. So most of us think of it as the ultimate act of sacrifice for love and friendship, to offer ones life, and it is, if it is not takes to lightly. We read stories and see it on the news, people placing themselves in danger for a child or a loved one, we even see it being done for total strangers (think Boston Marathon bombing).

The gift of life should never be taken lightly and should never be given lightly. But is that the only way one can lay down ones life for a friend? I think not!

*Parents lay down their life for their children on a daily basis. Not always by risking death, sometimes it is by stand by their child through a sickness or by supporting a child through hard times. The love of a parent knows no bounds. The parent knows that rejection of the love is always a possibility, but it is offered anyway, parents know a child my do something that may go beyond anything they may have ever dreamed their child was capable of (think school shootings), but even than a parent will stand by their child. They may not approve of the child’s actions, they may even be the ones to turn them in to the authorities, but there love for that child does not falter. They are willing to take the mean words offered to them by others who do not understand, that will defend their child even if it means they to are persecuted. This is a death they are willing to undertake for their child. Not a physical death, but yet, it is still a death.

Consider a parent of an addict, they offer help and forgiveness to their child, they take them in and support them, only to have the addiction take over their child, yet again. But they continue to support and make excuse for the child, to shelter them from the crudeness of the world. Thinking that they are helping the child, suffering with the child, only to see the child falter again. This is not laying down ones life, it is protection of ones own life. The child needs to learn how to fail, so they can learn how not to fail. For the parent this means to let the child fail, and in doing so, they to will feel the failures the disappointments and resentment of and from the child. This is a death, but like the death of Jesus, there is a resurrection, a new life.

The new life comes from the child’s understanding that actions have consequences, that the addiction causes pain. But if the parent kept sheltering the child, the pain is always shifted to the parent, the child takes no responsibility for their actions. But by the parent allowing the child to feel the failure the parent is also allowing the child to grow to learn and to experience a new life. And the parent is also allowed to grow, to learn and to experience a new life. This most likely will not happen in tandem with each other, the parent may experience the new life before the child even realizes what has just happened, or the parent may take years to come to terms with the fact that they allowed their child to fail. But in the end, Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends… And a life can be laid down in many ways.

God Bless

Paul Sposite

Guided Insight Life Coach

* The examples are given to illustrate a point, I am not implying that this is always the case. And before anyone starts yelling at me about the addiction example, yes I do understand additions, yes, I know what I am talking about… But remember, it was an example, not a real life situation, so deal with it…

 

 

 

 

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Habit Change


I thought I would share an article with you that I found on the web. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did

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Secrets to habit change

by Meg Selig

Succeed at Habit Change With This One-Page "Book!"

8 "chapters," 19 quotes, 1 page, and you’ve changed.

Published on May 2, 2012 by Meg Selig in Changepower

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Most people don’t change a habit with a snap of their fingers. Oh, you’ve noticed that? So have many psychologists. In fact, some psychologists, notably James Prochaska, Carlo DiClemente, and John Norcross, have done extensive research showing that most people change their habits step by step, in predictable stages, over time. The “quick-change artist” is the exception, not the rule.

Using the stages-of-change idea (and taking a little poetic license with it), I’ve created a one-page "book" of successful habit change below. Whether you have a health goal, a relationship goal, or a work goal, this one-pager will help. Each “chapter” contains a few pithy quotes that will help propel you from stage to stage and finally to a successful resolution of your habit change challenge. Use these quotes for inspiration, wisdom, and humor as you reach for a healthier body, a calmer mind, or a happier life.


Preface: You are not aware that anything is wrong with your harmful habit. True, there was that one time…but you’d rather not think about that.  Your habit and you are a happy couple.

“I can resist everything but temptation.”  ~ Oscar Wilde

“How often it is that the angry man rages denial of what his inner self is telling him.” ~ Frank Herbert

Chapter 1:  As a result of your habit, you get a figurative or literal kick in the backside. You think about changing.

“We must embrace pain and welcome it as fuel for our journey.”  ~ Kenji Miyazawa

“A man too busy to take care of his health is like a mechanic too busy to take care of his tools.”  ~ Spanish proverb

Chapter 2: You get a Big Idea. This inspiration could fuel the change you want to see in yourself! This is your personal motivator!

“There is nothing more powerful than an idea whose time has come.” ~ Victor Hugo

“We generally change ourselves for one of two reasons: inspiration or desperation.” ~  Jim Rohn

Chapter 3: You make the decision to change.

“(Y)ou only need one decisive act of free will to transform the course of your own life.” ~ Jill Ker Conway

“You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage — pleasantly, smilingly, nonapologetically — to say ‘no’ to other things. And the way to do that is by having a bigger ‘yes’ burning inside.”   ~Stephen Covey

Chapter 4: You make a simple plan or choose a program to guide you as you change.  

“A goal without a plan is just a wish.” ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery

"He who has a why can endure any how."  ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

Chapter 5: You begin your change.

“To be in hell is to drift, to be in heaven is to steer.”  ~ George Bernard Shaw

“Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action.”  ~ William James

Chapter 6: You stumble. You lapse into your old ways. You try again. You alter your plan. You find better support. You fall again. You get up again. You keep going.

"He who never makes mistakes never makes anything." ~ English proverb

“To be enlightened is to be without anxiety over imperfection.”  ~ Buddhist saying

“Courage is not the absence of despair; it is, rather, the courage to move ahead despite despair.”     ~ Rollo May

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Chapter 7: Time passes. You hang in there, working on your goal. It’s getting easier. Slowly a new habit, a better habit, takes shape.

“Discipline is remembering what you want.”  ~ David Campbell

"Energy and persistence conquer all things." ~ Benjamin Franklin

Chapter 8: Your new way of life has become second nature. You’ve improved your life, your health, or your relationships, probably all three. You did it!

“He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still.” ~ Lao-tse

“I am, indeed, a king, because I know how to rule myself.” ~ Pietro Aretino

Do you have a quote that has inspired you as you changed your life in some way? Share it in comments!


(c)  Meg Selig, 2012

I am the author of Changepower! 37 Secrets to Habit Change Success (Routledge, 2009), the 232-page version of the one-page book above. For more nuggets on topics of habit change, willpower, and healthy living that are even shorter (!) than the one-page "book," like me on Facebook, and/or follow me on Twitter.

Podcast alert!  I am honored to be the guest on Dr.Tim Pychyl’s latest podcast.You can find the podcast at http://iprocrastinate.libsyn.com/webpage/changepower, or you can subscribe to the iProcrastinate podcast on iTunes.  Dr. Pychyl, a fellow PT blogger, is a procrastination expert and interviewer extraordinaire.

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Meg Selig is the author of Changepower! 37 Secrets to Habit Change Success.

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God Bless

Paul Sposite

Guided Insight Life Coach

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The Three Types of Change


word-cloud-change

All change is not growth, as all movement is not forward.

Ellen Glasgow

Being interested in and involved in the “Change” industry, I found this quote to be dead on, All too often we tend to think that if we are changing, it must be a positive thing, that we must be growing is some manner. Nothing could be further from the truth. Some change is neutral, you neither move forward nor back, your just stand still. Yet other changes seems to be more positive, we move forward, all-be-it, sometimes a little too slow for our liking, but it’s still a move forward. Change can also move us backwards, much to our dismay.

Let us look at each type of change and discover its potential:

Neutral Change:

The process of non-change, as it where, in the natural state we are neither moving forward nor back, we are just there. This state of being, I would venture, is the most common state. The state of contentment or resignation, we neither desire to change or do not possess the motivation to enact the steps necessary to change. In this state there is no complaining about your current state, but it does not mean you are satisfied with your current life, you may be, but you may also be just resigned to the fact that this is your life. This state can be a sort of sloth, a laziness or true contentment.

Forward Change:

This change is what most people would consider a positive change, a change that is moving you from one state to a new state. This is true, in a forward state you are moving in a new direction. However, the move may or may not be a positive move. For example, you may decide that you wish to advance your situation at work, to become a manager. To help you achieve this goal you start to read books on leadership and management. However, in your search for the right books, you are given bad advice and read books that teach you skills that cause you to back stab and claw your way to the top. You have now moved in a new direction, but that direction is not positive. It is not life affirming it is a direction that may get you that management position, but along the way you have destroyed yourself, and your relationships. Forward change is not always positive; we must pay close attention to how we go about achieving the change we desire.

Backward Change:

Using the example from above, you have now achieved your goal, you are a manager. Yet along the way you backstabbed many friends and you have neglected your relationships. Your life, simple, is a wreck. You have seen your failures, and no longer wish to remain the person you have become. You desire change. At this junction you have three choices. 1. Stay the course; learn to live with what you are. (Neutral) 2. Move forward, correction the misguided choices of the past. 3. Return back; Undo the changes to return to your former self.

This third choice, to move back, sounds like a retreat that you are giving up. However, nothing could be further from the truth. Ask any good General, and they will tell you that you need to know when to retreat. That a well-timed retreat can mean the difference between victory and defeat.

There are times in all our lives that we need to return to our past. Times that we must go back in order to truly move forward. In the example above, you may decide that returning to the “old” you bay be the best starting point to move forward to the “new” you. Especially if you never felt comfortable in the “current” you, you just created. Retreating to safety, back behind the lines, does not mean you are giving up the ground you have taken. Returning to the old you doesn’t mean you give up your new management position. However, it does mean that you must reevaluate your current position and decide if it fits into your new tactical plan.

Change is not a single war to be won, it is many battles, some are victories others are defeats and some are draws. Nevertheless, each battle is a part of the overall war. Only in war can an army lose most of the battles, yet still win the war. We must learn to choose our battles, to plan our attach and our retreats. Learn to be content with a draw and retreat as we are with a victory.

Recommended Reading:

Each of the four books looks at change and life. The first two are historical in nature, but offer lessons that we all should learn. I have read each book, learned life lessons and gained insight in to myself and the world around me. Each book will teach you about the three types of changes and the power of each. Happy reading!

Killing Lincoln

By: Bill O`Reilly

Publication Date: September 27, 2011

killing

A riveting historical narrative of the heart-stopping events surrounding the assassination of Abraham Lincoln, and the first work of history from mega-bestselling author Bill O’Reilly

The anchor of The O’Reilly Factor recounts one of the most dramatic stories in American history—how one gunshot changed the country forever. In the spring of 1865, the bloody saga of America’s Civil War finally comes to an end after a series of increasingly harrowing battles. President Abraham Lincoln‘s generous terms for Robert E. Lee‘s surrender are devised to fulfill Lincoln’s dream of healing a divided nation, with the former Confederates allowed to reintegrate into American society. But one man and his band of murderous accomplices, perhaps reaching into the highest ranks of the U.S. government, are not appeased.

In the midst of the patriotic celebrations in Washington D.C., John Wilkes Booth—charismatic ladies’ man and impenitent racist—murders Abraham Lincoln at Ford’s Theatre. A furious manhunt ensues and Booth immediately becomes the country’s most wanted fugitive. Lafayette C. Baker, a smart but shifty New York detective and former Union spy, unravels the string of clues leading to Booth, while federal forces track his accomplices. The thrilling chase ends in a fiery shootout and a series of court-ordered executions—including that of the first woman ever executed by the U.S. government, Mary Surratt. Featuring some of history’s most remarkable figures, vivid detail, and page-turning action, Killing Lincoln is history that reads like a thriller.

Being George Washington

By: Glenn Beck

Publication Date: November 22, 2011

george

IF YOU THINK YOU KNOW GEORGE WASHINGTON, THINK AGAIN.

This is the amazing true story of a real-life superhero who wore no cape and possessed no special powers—yet changed the world forever. It’s a story about a man whose life reads as if it were torn from the pages of an action novel: Bullet holes through his clothing. Horses shot out from under him. Unimaginable hardship. Disease. Heroism. Spies and double-agents. And, of course, the unmistakable hand of Divine Providence that guided it all.

Being George Washington is a whole new way to look at history. You won’t simply read about the awful winter spent at Valley Forge—you’ll live it right alongside Washington. You’ll be on the boat with him crossing the Delaware, in the trenches with him at Yorktown, and standing next to him at the Constitutional Convention as a new republic is finally born.

Through these stories you’ll not only learn our real history (and how it applies to today), you’ll also see how the media and others have distorted our view of it. It’s ironic that the best-known fact about George Washington—that he chopped down a cherry tree—is a complete lie. It’s even more ironic when you consider that a lie was thought necessary to prove he could not tell one.

For all of his heroism and triumphs, Washington’s single greatest accomplishment was the man he created in the process: courageous and principled, fair and just, respectful to all. But he was also something else: flawed.

It’s those flaws that should give us hope for today. After all, if Washington had been perfect, then there would be no way to build another one. That’s why this book is not just about being George Washington in 1776, it’s about the struggle to be him every single day of our lives. Understanding the way he turned himself from an uneducated farmer into the Indispensable (yet imperfect) Man, is the only way to build a new generation of George Washington’s that can take on the extraordinary challenges that America is once again facing.

Seeds of Success

By: Bill and Billy Moyer (Father and Son)

Publication Date: 2008

seeds

This book serves as a wake up call for men and women of all ages and occupations by helping them balance their lives and realize what matters most. Will you choose success or significance? "Take a look in mirror, and redefine what matters most."–Patrick Morley

How to Think Like Leonardo da Vinci: Seven Steps to Genius Every Day

By: Michael J. Gelb

Publication Date: February 8, 2000

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Genius is made, not born. And human beings are gifted with an almost unlimited potential for learning and creativity. Now you can uncover your own hidden abilities, sharpen your senses, and liberate your unique intelligence—by following the example of the greatest genius of all time, Leonardo da Vinci.
Acclaimed author Michael J. Gelb, who has helped thousands of people expand their minds to accomplish more than they ever thought possible, shows you how. Drawing on Da Vinci’s notebooks, inventions, and legendary works of art, Gelb introduces Seven Da Vinci an Principles—the essential elements of genius—from curiosity, the insatiably curious approach to life to concessioner, the appreciation for the interconnectedness of all things. With Da Vinci as your inspiration, you will discover an exhilarating new way of thinking. And step-by-step, through exercises and provocative lessons, you will harness the power—and awesome wonder—of your own genius, mastering such life-changing abilities as:
•Problem solving
•Creative thinking
•Self-expression
•Enjoying the world around you
•Goal setting and life balance
•Harmonizing body and mind
Drawing on Da Vinci’s notebooks, inventions, and legendary works of art, acclaimed author Michael J. Gelb, introduces seven Da Vinci an principles, the essential elements of genius, from curiosity, the insatiably curious approach to life, to concessioner, the appreciation for the interconnectedness of all things. With Da Vinci as their inspiration, readers will discover an exhilarating new way of thinking.
Step-by-step, through exercises and provocative lessons, anyone can harness the power and awesome wonder of their own genius, mastering such life-changing skills as problem solving, creative thinking, self-expression, goal setting and life balance, and harmonizing body and mind.

Please let me know of other books you feel would be good reads for all. Post them here for all to see.

God Bless

Paul Sposite

 

Guided Insight Life Coach

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Did Jesus set us up for Failure?


 

Jesus H. Christ

Jesus H. Christ (Photo credit: angelofsweetbitter2009)

“I give you a new commandment: Love one another as I have loved you.” (John 13:34)

Jesus, after washing the feet of His friends, gave the commandment to love one another as he has loved us, that, my friends, is a hard commandment. The love of Jesus is the love of God, for Jesus is God, therefor Jesus’ love is Gods love, and we are commanded to love as Jesus loved. WOW…. Talk about asking a lot of someone.

The love that Jesus gives us is a love that knows no boundaries, has no conditions placed upon it and is given freely and without expectation. I don’t know to many people like that. At best our parents, but even they have limits, there Jesus like love is reserved for their children. Yet reading the news, we know that not all parents love as Jesus loves. But that’s the closest I can get to a love that even comes close to the commandment that Jesus gives us at the last supper.

So why would Jesus command us to do something that we seem unable to do, that seems so hard and unreachable? Why would the all-knowing and loving Jesus have us try and fail at such a task? Is is so He can sit back and laugh at our meager attempts to love as He loved? Did Jesus set us up for failure?

It’s kind of hard to imagine Jesus devising a grand plan to watch us fail, I just don’t see Him that way. So, why would He command something so hard…

Because it is hard, loving others in a perfect way, the way Jesus calls us to love, is hard, no way around it. But is it impossible, that is the next question. Did Jesus give us an impossible task? Would He, the all loving, really give His creation a commandment that was impossible to uphold?

I don’t think so…

Live all the teachings of Jesus, the command to love as He loves is a command to better ourselves, to grow and deepen our relationship with Christ. It is through Him that we can achieve anything.

22 “Have faith in God,” Jesus answered. 23 “Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them. 24 Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. Mark 11:22-24 (NIV)

The key to the commandment to Love one another as Jesus has loved you, is to have faith in God, to love God with all your heart mind and soul:

He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’ ; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ ”
Luke 10:26-28

The answer is love… Love of God and love of self…

So are we set up for failure? Nope, not at all, Jesus understands that the command is not easy, but He also knows that we are capable of achieving it. Jesus knows that we will need His help, that we will need to lean on His love. that without love of Him, we are incapable of love of self or others. Jesus’ command causes us to have to call on Jesus, to love Jesus. Jesus wants us to rely on Him, to depend upon His love, and to use His love to help us love others. So no, Jesus does not expect us to fail, but He does expect us to call upon Him, to depend upon Him and to love Him.

We are capable to love others as Jesus has loved us, but only to the extent that we are able to love Jesus and our self. Use this Holy day deepen your love of Christ, and pray for the strength to learn how to love yourself. Call upon Jesus to teach you how to love, call upon the mercy of God to show you true love and call upon Mary, the mother of our Lord, to show you how to love her Son. Use Holy Thursday as a day of love.

God Bless & Blessed Holy Thursday

Paul Sposite

Guided Insight Life Coach

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Posted by on April 5, 2012 in Death, Easter, Faith, Friendship, Life, Love, Prayer, Religon

 

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Holy Week: A Lenten Reflection


Jesus and Mary Magdalene

Jesus and Mary Magdalene (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This week is the summit of Christendom, it is the week that establishes our missions and our purpose. It is the week the God sacrificed His Son for our sake. This week we experience the Passion of our Lord, the scourging, the ridicule the lies and the humiliation. This week we are taken to the hill, we partake in the nailing of our Lord upon the cross, we share in the agony of Mary and John and we are party to the mocking. We cannot remove ourselves from the Passion, because the Passion is eternal. Christ died for our sins, our sins of today and of tomorrow. The Passion unfolds daily, when we sin, the hammer falls upon the nail that pierces our Blessed Lords skin with each utterance of disparity and sin. Our actions today, our inequity of our humanity places the crown of thorns upon His blessed head and our lies are the spit upon His most Holy face. We are the cross that we nail Him to, we are the sins that He died for, we are the bystanders that mock and call to Him, “Come down from the cross, and save yourself”. We are the reason for His passion.

We are also the reason for His Resurrection, we are the stone that covered His tomb, but we are also the stone that was moved away. We are Mary Magdalene, when she peered into the empty tomb and saw that our Lord was “taken away”. We cried the tears of loss and desperation as she did, in the frantic search for our Lord. We are Mary in the garden when she hears the word “Why do you cry” and we are Mary when she discovers that our Lord is not dead, but risen. We are the paradox that is humanity, we are the saints and sinners we are the crucifiers and the crucified, we are one with the Lord.

We carry our cross daily to the hill, we nail our own hands to the cross with our actions and we carry our own passion in remembrance our Lord.  Holy week  offers us the opportunity to experience the Passion, Death and Resurrection of our Lord in a very personal way. Through the Holy Mass and reflection upon our lives, we can and do die unto ourselves and resurrect anew with the Lord. Easter is a time of renewal, a time of death giving over to life, we see it in the earth with the birth of spring, and we experience it the Mass with the Holy Sacrifice of Communion. Catholicism offers the opportunity to truly walk with Christ on the road to Calvary, to partake in the Passion in a real sense and experience the resurrection in our lives. Allow this Easter session to truly awaken in you the Passion of our Lord, allow your feelings to flow as if from the wounds of our Lord and allow your heart to feel the last earthly movement and your soul to experience the Resurrection, not as a bystander, but as a participant. Join your suffering with our Lords, and allow the healing grace of the Passion to wash over you, to engulf you and renew you.

God Bless & have a Blessed Holy Week, one filled with many deaths and resurrections

Paul Sposite

Guided Insight Life Coach

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Posted by on April 2, 2012 in Catholic, church, Easter, Eucharist, Faith, Lent, Mass, Religon

 

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The Good Thief: A Lenten Reflection


Stations-11-remember-large

Lent offers us a time to examine your lives, to look deep within, to take inventory of our lives and see what is stuffed under our spiritual beds. However, how many of us really take the time to do this, how many of us look at Lent as just a time to give up candy or maybe attend a retreat.

I know for me, lent is one of the hardest sessions of the Church year. I find it hard to wrap my hands around the idea, ya I get that we are too fast and offer up our sufferings, but really, is giving up candy suffering? Is attending a retreat at Lent, as more of an obligation, really, what it is all about, I think not.

I think we have lost the true meaning of Lent, just as most of us have lost the true meaning of Christmas and Easter. The meaning somehow got lost in all the other stuff of life. The question, how do we get it back, what can we do, today, this week, the Lent, to get back the true meaning of Lent, Easter and yes even Christmas.

It is more than just attending a retreat or giving up candy because we are expected to. I have a friend who is a fallen away Catholic, who every Lent tells me, I can’t eat meat on Fridays, my question to him, why? It means nothing to you, why bother. His response, because we are not supposed to. See, it is not a question of devotion, but one of duty.

Yes, duty has a part in it all, but really is that why we sacrifice? Because of duty, is that why Jesus offered up his life, because of duty, I hope not! I hope it was because of love, a profound love of me of you of humanity.

Therefore, do we suffer out of duty or out of love for God, love for Jesus and love for humanity?

Lent offers us a time to heal our hearts, to look past the call of duty and forward to the call of Love. But to look forward to the call of love, we must first look to the past, to the hilltop with the three crosses. Yes, all three crosses are of concern for us. Jesus being paramount, but the two thieves offer up lessons on healing.

Two men were crucified at the same time as Jesus, one on his right hand and one on his left (Matthew 27:38, Mark 15:27-28, Luke 23:33, John 19:18), which Mark interprets as fulfillment of the prophecy of Isaiah 53:12. According to Matthew, both of the “thieves” mocked Jesus (Matthew 27:44); Luke however, mentions that

39 Now one of the criminals hanging there reviled Jesus, saying, “Are you not the Messiah? Save yourself and us.” 40 The other, however, rebuking him, said in reply, “Have you no fear of God, for you are subject to the same condemnation? 41 And indeed, we have been condemned justly, for the sentence we received corresponds to our crimes, but this man has done nothing criminal.” 42 Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.” 43 He replied to him, “Amen, I say to you, today you will be with me in Paradise.” 23:39-43

It is the good thief that teaches us about healing or hearts, he sees his wrongs, looks into himself and then asks Jesus to simply remember him. Nothing more, just remember him. The thief had not grand plan, no motive beyond being remembered. Yet Jesus saw his heart, healed his heart and gave to him the honor of being with Him in paradise.

The good thief practiced true suffering and repentance, all in the matter of seconds. Time is of no use to our Lord, our suffering can be days, weeks, years or seconds, it is all the same, true suffering is timeless. The good thief offered up his suffering when he stated “And indeed, we have been condemned justly, for the sentence we received corresponds to our crimes, but this man has done nothing criminal.” 42 Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.”

Do we truly believe we deserve our suffering, do we truly offer it up, or do we expect it to be just taken from us, with no action on our own part?

This Lent spend some time examine your life, and discover what you are called to do, what you are destined to suffer for. Read about the good thief, read between the lines of the passage, and find yourself in him. Can you offer up as he did, can you become the good thief?

God Bless & Happy Lent

Paul Sposite

Guided Insight Life Coach

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I Want… A Lenten Reflection


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I have labored and toiled and have often gone without sleep; I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food; I have been cold and naked.
2 Corinthians 11:26-28

We all have wants and needs, statements like this are throughout the bible, someone is always complaining, from the beginning of time until now. Adam, our first parent, complained that he had no one, than he turned around and disobeyed God. The Israelites complained for 40 years and every time they did, God responded, gave them what they asked for and on and on it went…. 

In the New Testament we see more of the same, I want this, I need that, I desire this…. And so it goes… But the question is, Is that really a bad thing? Is it really a bad thing to want, to desire, to need? Some will say yes, in fact most will say yes.

But I say, maybe not…

Jesus wanted

Sure we never hear him say I want this or that, but He wanted. He wanted to know who people said he was,

[ Peter Declares That Jesus Is the Messiah ] Jesus and his disciples went on to the villages around Caesarea Philippi. On the way he asked them, “Who do people say I am?”
Mark 8:26-28

He wanted people to follow him

When Jesus heard this, he said to him, “You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”
Luke 18:21-23

He wanted friendship

Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.”
Matthew 26:37-39

We all have wants and needs, wanting and needing, in-of-it-self is not a bad thing, it how we want or need that makes the difference. Jesus, from the cross, teaches us the way to want, they way to need, when he utters the words “I am thirsty.

[ The Death of Jesus ] Later, knowing that everything had now been finished, and so that Scripture would be fulfilled, Jesus said, “I am thirsty.”
John 19:27-29

Jesus was asking for his thirst to be satisfied, but not the thirst of humanity, but the thirst for humanity. A subtle difference, but a major one. In the first, OF HUMANITY, this is a biological thirst, a thirst for water the second FOR HUMANITY is a spiritual thirst, a thirst for the souls of man. Jesus is thirsting for us, for our souls, he has offered his life upon the cross, so he can consume us, drink us in and quench not his thirst but ours.

This is the difference, Jesus wants, not for His sake, but always for yours. His need for friendship was not for Him, but for us. He understands our needs, and wants to fulfill them, if we allow Him to. By asking his friends to stay with Him on the night He was betrayed was not to comfort Him, but for Jesus to teach us comfort. His needs and wants only reflect ours. Jesus does not need humanity, but humanity needs Him.

This Lent, ask yourself why you are giving this or that up, why are you giving up smoking or candy or TV? Is it just to satisfy the Lenten obligation? Why are you not eating meat on Fridays, just to be in good standing with the Church? Lent offers us an opportunity to truly discern our needs and wants, to truly offer up to God our prayers and desires. But ask yourself, do you have the Thirst OF  or a Thirst FOR, are you observing Lent because its expected of you or because its pleasing to God?

Lent is a time of reflection, a time to clean the spiritual house, use the forty days to cleanse your temple and to learn the true meaning of want and need. The true meaning of Lent, learn from the Christ, who hung upon the cross, not for His wants or needs, but for ours.

God Bless & Happy Lent

Paul Sposite

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Posted by on February 22, 2012 in Catholic, Faith, Lent, Prayer, Religon

 

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An Open Letter to all Catholics, to all Americans


Dear Catholics:

clip_image002This Open letter it to all Catholics, be they liberal or conservative, laps or practicing, fallen away or on their way back home to Rome. In-fact this open letter should be shared with non-Catholics, non-Christians and anyone who is concerned about their personal liberty and freedom. This letter is intended to excite you, motivate you and call you to action. This letter is a letter of protest and a letter of compassion; it is written from my heart and shared with the world. It will, undoubtably contain miss-spellings, bad punctuation and grammatical errors. However, what it will not contain is false emotions and lack of integrity. It will be heartfelt and passionate, it will be my personal views and my faith presented for you and for all.

Revelation 3:16
So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.

The above quote is the foundation upon I build my letter. The words of St. John in the book of Revelation needs to be in our hearts and on our minds as we read this letter and internalized. It is the basis of all that I have to say concerning the current state of anti-Catholic, anti-liberty rhetoric coming from Washington DC.

The Obama administration continues their attack on Liberty and Freedom; they continue to erode our rights to religious freedom. The latest being their insistence that Catholic Institutions abandon their core beliefs and offer healthcare benefits that cover birth control, sterilization and abortion causing drugs. This is a direct act against our religious freedom and anti-American. (Source)

We, as Americans, as Catholics as a freedom loving people must stand up, speak out and protest this act of religious bigotry. We, as Catholics, are called to do so, by our very baptism, we have been given the responsibility to stand up for and defend our faith and our Church. Yet, all too often, we fail to do so. If we remain still and quiet the Obama Administration will win, not just the healthcare debate, but even more importantly they clip_image003will the war he and his administration has waged against religious freedoms.

Our right as Americans and our obligations as Catholics are being challenged and we must respond, and we must respond loudly and boldly. This administration is forcing Catholic Charities, Hospitals and Schools to support and pay for treatments that are counter to our faith, counter to our faith structure. This should shock all Americans, not just Catholics. This is an attack on all Freedoms, not just Religious Freedoms. The Founding Fathers would be shocked to their core and the call for Revolution would once again be heard over this great land. The Founding Fathers fought for Freedom and Liberty, the ability for people to choose their Faith and practices it as seen fit by the faith. They fought for less government and more personal responsibility, not for Big Brother and Government intervention into our daily lives. Healthcare is a personal responsibility and one that the government should not be involved in, but that will be saved for another time. Back to this open letter and the attack on our religious freedoms.

From Bishop Boyea of the Lansing Diocese

Diocese of Lansing Responds to HHS Mandate

These past days have seen a grave error on the part of the federal government, as well as a blessed response from Catholics all across this great state and nation.
By now, all men and women of faith know that the United States Department of Health and Human Services has declared that health benefit plans must include coverage for sterilization, contraception, and abortion-inducing drugs. This unconstitutional and unconscionable mandate is to take effect in stages during 2012 and 2013.
The Catholic Church in the United States will never comply with this mandate. Told that the federal government has allowed a one-year grace period during which the Church can adjust itself to this mandate, Cardinal-designate Timothy Dolan of the Archdiocese of New York responded that the Church does not need a year to determine whether it would comply. He is right. In offering this supposed mandate, the federal government misreads the Constitution of the United States. It equally misreads the determination of Catholics.
This nation is built upon the three-legged stool of the First Amendment. Our precious freedoms of religion, speech, and assembly underlie everything this nation is, and everything this nation has ever accomplished. Religious liberty gives the freedom to preach the Truth. And the truth is that pregnancy is not a disease. Nor is the natural fertility of a woman a disease.
Through the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops and the Michigan Catholic Conference, we are exploring a number of options, including litigation and Congressional reform. As these efforts move forward, Catholics should make clear to their elected officials the crucial importance of religious liberty, and they should pray daily for those who have the responsibility for making these decisions.(Source)

God Bless Bishop Boyea for his strong stance, he truly is a Sheppard of his flock, and I for one am proud to know he is in Michigan and at one time was part of the Archdiocese of Detroit. He speaks boldly and strongly, and his statement should be ours, we, as Catholics, will never comply with this mandate. We need to refuse, to protest and to vote with our Catholic heart and sensibility. We need to let Obama and his administration that he cannot, that no politician can dictate the pillars of our faith, that no mortal man can overturn the laws of God! We will not stand for this and we will, we must, fight back!

It is not only Conservatives or Republicans that should be upset, but Liberals and Democrats, this is not going to stop, the power grab will continue if it is not revered. We will see more laws; more directives infringing upon our Liberates and Freedoms enter into the cause of fairness and equality. The forced secularization of Catholic institutions is neither fair nor equal; it is tyranny in its infancy. It is socialism at its birth and will continue to grow unless we, as Americans, stand and fight! It is time that we rejuvenate our revolutionary hearts and stand for what is right.

Please do not miss understand me here, I am not talking about bloodshed, but I am talking about revolution, a change in the current regime and a return to Liberty and the Constitution. This Administration has trampled this document more than any other has; they have no respect for the Founders and see the Constitution as outdated and in-need of an update, The Constitution 2.0, if you will. Obama himself has stated this:

The President said,”…our Founders designed a system that makes it more difficult to bring about change than I would like sometimes.” (Source)

clip_image004Really, the system Obama is referring to is outlined and detailed in the Constitution… Hmm, How dare the Founders limit King Obama’s power to force his radical and leftist views upon Americans. That is exactly what he is doing with the contraceptive healthcare law being enforced upon Catholics. I know some Liberals and pro-abortionist are hailing this as a victory. However, they should be careful not to celebrate too much, because soon the heavy hand of tyranny will crush your freedoms and liberties, as it is ours. Hold your convictions tight, as Americans; we have the right to do so, and an obligation to defend them. However, be careful and de diligent, the road to socialism is paved with many tempting things. Such as forcing all to accept, for the betterment of all, abortion, birth control and serialization. It promises a nation with “free” healthcare and equality that is not only protected by the government but also guaranteed. The temptations of Utopia are many and they shine and glimmer of in the distance, just like fools gold below the waters of injustice. We all want Equality and Liberty, we all strive for Freedom and Fairness, but as we quest for and search for this Utopia, this perfection of Government and men, we often times forget the men to whom we are governing. Our Nation was designed with one concept in mind, that it is man who gives government its power, not government who gives man its Freedoms. We, as a Nation allow the Federal Government the power to withhold Liberties and Freedoms as a payment for protection of our Liberties and Freedoms. We give them the power, not the other way around. Yet they seem to see it differently, The Obama administration seems to see it as they grant us our Freedoms and Liberties, and in doing so, they rightly feel they have the power to remove, to hold ransom, our Liberties and Freedoms. As long as we allow them to feel this way, as long as we do not stand and fight for our Freedoms and Liberties, they will continue to act as if they have the power over us, and not as our Founding Fathers intended, we have the power of them. It is our Government, we created it and we can destroy it or we can restore it! What will it be? This is a defining moment in our history; this is a turning point for our Great Nation. How will we react?

Revelation 3:16
So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.

I for one am going to stand and Fight!

God Bless

Paul Sposite

Guided Insight Life Coach

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