Spring Cleaning: A Leadership skill

Spring is a time for cleaning, you know, Spring Cleaning…

- Yard work

- All the closets in the house

- The Garage

- The Windows

- The Walls

Every surface and every corner gets a good deep cleaning, places you haven’t looked at all winter and now you are obligated to, for Spring Cleaning is a passage, a passage from the bleak dark days of winter in to the glory of spring and all she offers. The new growth, the smells and the sun. Yep, spring cleaning is as much apart of spring as Halloween is of autumn. And for the most part, we look forward to spring cleaning because we understand the importance of it. Not just the simple fact that we are clearing out the dust of the past 8 months, but there is more to it, it goes deeper than just that. There is something about it, something that seems to touch our deepest being.

How do I know this, just look at that facts, a quick search on Amazon for books on spring cleaning and I get 2201 hits, and a Google search returns about 112,000,000 hits…. Now tell me that people don’t feel a deep need to clear out the dust and cobwebs once per year, starting off fresh and new.

Now, I offer you Spring Cleaning: A Leadership Skill, a skill that every leader or want-to-be leader needs in their tool box. So what is it, what exactly is Spring Cleaning for Leaders? Well it’s not cleaning out the old corner office nor is it having all the workers clean up the work place. It’s not a fresh paint job, although all those things should be done from time to time. But that’s not leadership, that’s cleanliness.

Spring Cleaning Leadership has more to do with the person than the possessions. It’s a time for a leader to stop and look deep into the corners of their minds, to scrub every surface of their hearts and to open up the windows of their souls and let the fresh air in, once again.

Cleaning the deep corners of the mind

This is a perfect time to look at your deeply held thoughts and beliefs, a time to reevaluate your long-standing positions and to seek out new ways to approach issues, people and life. Lets say that you have always held the position that your job, as a leader, has always been one of dictatorship, that you give orders and they follow. And lets say that it has worked for you, that over the years people have always said that you’re a dictator, but you always get the job done right and on time. Over all, not a bad record. The job is done and on time and as a bonus, it was done right the first times.

So your thinking, great, this leader can skip the first step, they have no room for change or improvement. Why mess with what works… As the old saying goes, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!

But lets look at it anyway, lets pretend…

So what would the leader have to look at, what corner of the heart needs fixin’? Well, a lot of the depends on what the leader considers important in their life. Is the only goal to complete the task or do they see more? Do they see personal development of their people as important? Or is it just get the job done, do what you have always done, the same way you always have, we have a proven method that has worked for years and years and will continue to work for years to come. We are like a well oiled machine, no monkey wrenches needed.

Sure, the job will get done, and sure it will be right the first time, but are we missing something that may have improved it, something that may have saves time, effort or money? Maybe that person you hired to do job “X” had a new idea that would have save time and effort for the person doing job “Z”… Or maybe the person doing job “X” would be better at job “Z”… the possibilities are endless, yet we will never know them if we hold true to our deepest convictions that this is the way its done, always has been and always will be…

 

Even the best leaders can get caught in the trap of familiarity. So spring is a perfect time to re-examine your methods.. Are they really the best way or just the known way?

 

Scrubbing every surface of the heart

Leaders, true leaders are servants, and must have a servant’s heart. This is a fact, not just a nice saying. Someone can be the boss and call themselves a leader, but if they do not have a servant’s heart they are nothing more than a boss. And truth be told, anyone can be a boss, its really not to hard to “boss” people around. But a leader, a true leader, they are few and far between, leaders grow into true leadership, it is rare to find a natural servant leader, it is more often than not that the person worked long and hard scrubbing the surfaces of their heart before anyone would truly call them a servant leader. So what exactly is scrubbing of the heart, and how does one do so?

We all have dark places with in our heart, places where we hold deep grudges or prejudices. Places within our hearts where the light of servanthood cannot and does not shine. Places that even we fear to go. It is exactly those places that we must scrub. But how? How does one scrub the deep dark places of the heart…

Work, lots and lots of work… Prayer and humility are the best places to begin.

Lets look at the example from above, the same leader who got the job done on time and right every time. Once again, not a bad thing, and lets say that over all they are open-minded to new and different approaches… So, so far a good leader, they allow people of offer new ways of doing things, and allow people to try new and different jobs, if time allows for it and the circumstances are appropriate.

That’s a good over all rule, one would not want to risk messing up on a major project, sometimes the old ways are the best ways. But if the job is less risky and time permits, it makes sense to allow a little experimentation to take place.

But now lets say that such a job was taking place, a job that allows for this. Perfect… So worker “A” wants to try their hand at something new, they ask for the opportunity and its granted… Perfect… so far… worker “B” also asks to try their hand at something new, but this time is denied. Now lets say that both workers have the same level of experience and time on the job, that both workers are qualified to do the tasks at hand, but for some unknown reason, worker “B” is denied.

The leader gave a reason, something along the line of, we just can’t afford to put you on that job, you are needed here. Sounds good, in fact it sounds like a complement. Sounds like you are so valuable to the task at hand tat we can not afford to risk losing you to the other job.

Here is where the leader must stop and look deep within… Is that the real reason or is there a deeper darker reason. Is it because the person is no the same-sex, age, race or religion as they are? Is it because once, many moons ago they did or said something that you found hurtful or offensive, or maybe once, in the distance past, they messed up a job, and you had to take the blame for it… There can be millions of reasons why… But none are valid.

It is time to scrub the heart, to remove the old hurts and hate and to replace it with understanding and forgiveness. You may not like that person very much, on a personal basis, but that should have no bearing on the job at hand. If they can do the work and do it to the standards that everyone else on the team must meet, than they should be given the opportunity, to succeed or fail, the same as anyone else.

But change does  not happen over night, it is a long and hard process, one that needs to be worked on little by little… The first step is for the leader to recognize that there heart needs a good spring cleaning, the second step, list the dirty spots down, know what needs to be scrubbed away. And the lest step, start cleaning, pick one dirty spot, clean it and then move on to the next. Just like cleaning the walls of your house, you don’t move around randomly from wall to wall, spot to spot… You pick one wall to start on and clean it before moving on to the next.

Open up the windows of the soul to let the fresh air in

Leadership, authentic leadership, is a relationship with yourself and others, the group and individual. Leadership is never in a void or vacuüm, it is always in the eye of the storm, and this is where we will discover the soul of any great leader.

The image  of the eye of the storm is a strong image, one that invokes many other images, such as power and calmness, force and anti-force. Any great leader will tell you that is with in the storm that leaders are often times born. The forces that play upon the soul of such a person do not destroy them, but rather they ignites within them the sleeping giant that waits to be awaken.

We have all witnessed such leadership, think of times in your life when just the right person steps forward to take control, think of times of tragedy or strife, times of chaos and confusion.

Leaders seem to always emerge from such things. It is the soul that moves them into action. It was the winds of change and chaos that propelled them into the eye of the storm. They opened up the windows within their souls and allowed the wind to blow thru and into their soul. Leaders not by choice but by baptism, baptism of fire.

I could go back to the example I used above, but to  me, it seems it would cheapen the soul to do so. This spring cleaning project stands on its own…

Not every great leader was born of the eye of the storm, but every great leader must walk into that very same eye, and the only way to do so is to open your windows…

So what are the windows of the soul? and how does one open them…?

The eyes are said to be the windows of our souls, and I, for one believe this to be. How often have I heard the phrase, look me in the eyes when you are talking to me… and how often I have said the same… But why… Why is it so important to look into the eyes…

Because we all seem to see something more than just the eyes, we all seem to see deeper…

Leaders need to work with open eyes, nit just eyes that see the task at hand, but eyes the seem to see the underlying current of their team, eyes that can see the slight difference in a persons face or eyes that notice the off color of a persons personality. Eyes that are open to see the colors of the world, even in the darkness of it.

Leaders do not need to be told what is going on, they should be able to perceive it from not what there eyes see but rather from what there eyes tell them. Leaders learn to listen to there eyes (souls) rather then to see with them. The windows of the soul are the eyes that are open, that see the path that leads in the storm, if that is necessary, and out of the storm, if that is required. Leaders think not of the safe exit of themselves, but of the team whom they lead. And the soul, if allowed to do so, will lead them into the storm or around the storm, but it will never avoid the storm.

So how do we open our windows, and allow the fresh air in? We allow the eyes to do the souls bidding, we allow the winds to guide us. But to do this we need to first learn how to open the windows… How to feel the wind upon our soul and how to freely go wear the wind directs.

We have to practice observation, we need to learn to see the tree with in the forest and the breeze upon the leaf. In the office this means seeing everyone as a person, not just a worker, at home this means seeing family members as individuals and not a collective and in the community at large it means seeing each member of the community as a individual being.

For example, how many times have you ever been compared to others, such as, When so-and-so did this job, they did it this way… In the eyes of that person, you are not an individual, but rather part of the collective, many of the one, rather than one of the many. In larger companies this seems to be, more often than not, the case. How often people say, I feel just like a number to them, not a person”. The eyes of the corporation are closed and has no soul. But leaders to, if there eyes are open.

Experiment, learn to see things differently, try to notice one new thing in your office/home/school/community each day, teach your eyes to see deeper and allow your soul to take you… Pray and be still, be open to hear the soul and allow the moment to take you… Like any other skill, this takes practice…

And in the End…

Like anything in life, hard work and dedication to the task at hand is paramount in completing the task, the same can be said for leadership and change. The opportunity to do a little “Spring Cleaning” is an opportunity to start fresh… no examine your life, your leadership and to make changes for the better,

God Bless

Paul Sposite

Guided Insight Life Coach

 

Mother, Daughter and John 15:13

A friend of mine was texting me the other night with issues she was having with her daughter, Mothers Day had come and passed and all she received from her daughter was a text stating Happy Mothers Day. Shallow and cold, I will admit, but not unexpected. The relationship between them has always been a bit strained. Even as a young child, the daughter is now in her 20’s, she was a self-centered child. Looking to always serve her own interest. The blame, as always, lies between the parents and the personality of the child.

Her parents are divorced, I do not know the father, but know the mother well. She holds on to the divorce live a badge, she will not let it go, never have and most likely never will. She is bitter and hurt. For what I do not know, for I only know one side of the story. And as we all know, one side of a two-sided story is never enough. What I do know is the deep roots this divorce has caused. I have known the mother for over 15 years, at one time we dated, and we have remained friends after the break-up. Her lack of ability to let it go causes much pain in her and those around her, this, of course, cause issues with-in the family unit. From what I can tell, based on what I have been told by the mother and the kids, she has two, a boy and girl, the father is not very concerned with rules. He is laid back and not very concerned with structure. Is that the case, I do not know, like I said I have never had the change to meet him. But it is the narrative played out in the kids and mother.

The mother, she is controlling and likes structure, she is deeply emotional and likes lots of affirmations, one could say she is needy.  Is she a bad person, no, I think she has a big heart and means well, but I do think she has a difficult time defining love, to me it seems she places a tangible value on love and fails to see love as intangible. She needs to “see” love, the feeling is not enough.

Sure, I will be the first to admit Love is many things, tangible and intangible, but I will also be the first to admit that Love is not one thing, it’s not seeing over feeling, and Love does not always show it self in the ways we would expect. Sometimes the smallest of acts, a smile at just the right moment, says Love more than the words could ever do, Sometimes, but not Always…

Sometimes that same smile can be spiteful and hurtful… Love is…. What is it?

The bible offers us many passages about love, but the one that came to mind when I was talking to my friend, trying to help her through the latest issue with her daughter was this…

John 15:13

¹³ Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.

^{New American Standard Bible (NASB)}

 

Why this passage of all passages… The Holy Spirit works in odd ways, let me tell you….

Some back ground of the conversations:

As I said, the daughter text her “Happy Mothers Day” her son, who is in Mexico as part of his seminarian training, called her and talked for 2 hours. A drastic difference, but the two kids are as different as night and day, so not unexpected. But back to the issue at hand.

She asked me what I thought of it all, my response, What did you expect from her. Her response, Love. This conversation went on for about 45 minutes (by the way, I hate texting).

She asked for my advice on what she should do, my advice, same as it has been for a few years now, Stop expecting what she will not provide you. Her response, What, I should not expect my daughters love.

Not exactly what I was talking about, I explained that she loves you, but you will never get the response you want, and if you keep setting yourself up for disappointment, that’s what you will always get.

Still no go, her questions, Is it so wrong for a mother to want her child’s love. My response, No, it’s not wrong, but you cannot force anyone to love you in the way you want or need. Love does not force, it does not control and it is not needy. She did not really like that response from me. Sometimes the truth hurts.

But she knows me well, and she knows I always speak my mind and tell it as I see it. No harm was intended and I am sure no harm was done. So she asked for clarification.

My clarifications, We have to learn to accept the love that is offered, not try to change the love to be what we want. This did not help. She still felt that love was a tangible thing.

Her plan of action

The daughter’s birthday is next month, so her plan is to give her daughter a photo of the three of them, the mother and the two kids. Sounds nice, unless you know the daughter, and I do… She will reject this, not because she hates her brother and not because she hates her mother, but she will reject it out of spite. Just to retain the control over her mother. The more she rejects her mom, the more control she has over her. Her mothers need for tangible love is strong, and her mothers need to control is strong (she is a passive aggressive controller).So the rejection of the photo would only lead to the mother feeling hurt and trying to figure out what she can do to earn her daughters love. This, of course, gives the daughter all the power, and the mother none.

My response to the planed gift, Not a good idea. Do not play into her hands. So what than should I do, was her next question.. Text her, Happy Birthday, and offer her a dinner. Leave it at that… She was not happy with that recommendation. Her concern, if the daughter rejects the dinner invite, that would hurt more, and she really wants to give the photo and birthday card.

The real concern, she wants to gain the upper hand, to have control, to tug at her daughter’s heart-strings, and she thinks the family photo will do the trick.

But she is missing the point, the text and dinner offer gives her the control, the daughter would not expect the same treatment she gives her mother. Now some would say I was being childish, but I beg to differ. The response is not meant to hurt, but to level the playing field, to stop setting oneself up for one disappointment after another, to start to accept the kind of love the daughter was offering and to learn that sometimes we must let go.

So this is the point where I offered my bible verse:

¹³ Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.

The point of the passage was missed on her. But it was too late at night for me to get in to is, so I told her to think on it. She asked me to send her an email explaining it to her, so this post is my response (I will only send her the part concerning the passage, all the above back ground information is for us only…Unless she reads this blog…)

Why did that passage pop into me head as a good passage to use? What was the Holy Spirit leading me to? And how do I explain it? Well here I will try:

When most people read that passage, the first think that comes to mind is Jesus upon the cross, offering up His life for our sins. Offering it up freely… WOW, that is true love and friendship. So most of us think of it as the ultimate act of sacrifice for love and friendship, to offer ones life, and it is, if it is not takes to lightly. We read stories and see it on the news, people placing themselves in danger for a child or a loved one, we even see it being done for total strangers (think Boston Marathon bombing).

The gift of life should never be taken lightly and should never be given lightly. But is that the only way one can lay down ones life for a friend? I think not!

*Parents lay down their life for their children on a daily basis. Not always by risking death, sometimes it is by stand by their child through a sickness or by supporting a child through hard times. The love of a parent knows no bounds. The parent knows that rejection of the love is always a possibility, but it is offered anyway, parents know a child my do something that may go beyond anything they may have ever dreamed their child was capable of (think school shootings), but even than a parent will stand by their child. They may not approve of the child’s actions, they may even be the ones to turn them in to the authorities, but there love for that child does not falter. They are willing to take the mean words offered to them by others who do not understand, that will defend their child even if it means they to are persecuted. This is a death they are willing to undertake for their child. Not a physical death, but yet, it is still a death.

Consider a parent of an addict, they offer help and forgiveness to their child, they take them in and support them, only to have the addiction take over their child, yet again. But they continue to support and make excuse for the child, to shelter them from the crudeness of the world. Thinking that they are helping the child, suffering with the child, only to see the child falter again. This is not laying down ones life, it is protection of ones own life. The child needs to learn how to fail, so they can learn how not to fail. For the parent this means to let the child fail, and in doing so, they to will feel the failures the disappointments and resentment of and from the child. This is a death, but like the death of Jesus, there is a resurrection, a new life.

The new life comes from the child’s understanding that actions have consequences, that the addiction causes pain. But if the parent kept sheltering the child, the pain is always shifted to the parent, the child takes no responsibility for their actions. But by the parent allowing the child to feel the failure the parent is also allowing the child to grow to learn and to experience a new life. And the parent is also allowed to grow, to learn and to experience a new life. This most likely will not happen in tandem with each other, the parent may experience the new life before the child even realizes what has just happened, or the parent may take years to come to terms with the fact that they allowed their child to fail. But in the end, Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends… And a life can be laid down in many ways.

God Bless

Paul Sposite

Guided Insight Life Coach

* The examples are given to illustrate a point, I am not implying that this is always the case. And before anyone starts yelling at me about the addiction example, yes I do understand additions, yes, I know what I am talking about… But remember, it was an example, not a real life situation, so deal with it…

 

 

 

 

Related articles

• A Mother’s Love (modernmanofthecloth.com)
• Mothers’ Day: Damn I Forgot!! (thoughtsthatforge.wordpress.com)

 

Words have power

Below is an article form my local community newspaper, I thought it was worth sharing….

Who doesn’t love the power of words?

By Susan Willett

In my business, one has to love words. True, some of my favorites and most often used remain unprintable in a family (or any other) newspaper, but still, one simply has to love the power and beauty of words. I mean, what can’t they do? They can bring one great joy, terrible agony and nearly every emotion in between, depending on the skill of their user. The pen really can be mightier than the sword, as long as one isn’t attempting to defend oneself in a duel, I guess. So last month when the Wayne State Word Warriors revealed their list of words most worth of retrieval and reentry in common usage, I was especially interested. In a preface to the list, the Warriors explained that most of these words have fallen out of common use and are on the brink of obsolescence. Bringing them back, said Jerry Herron, the dean of the Honors College, "is just another way of broadening our horizons." Well butter my buns and call me a biscuit, Jerry, but to my great consternation, many of these haven’t really fallen out of usage with some old fogies, such as myself. I was way too familiar with several of them, which made me feel as antiquated as, well, as some of the others sound. Here’s the list, see what you think. • Buncombe Rubbish; nonsense; empty or misleading talk. What a relief to have the election over — that great festival of buncombe that so distracted the nation for months. • Cerulean The blue of the sky. Her eyes were a clear, deep cerulean blue, like no eyes Trevor had ever seen, and looking into them made him feel lighter than air. • Chelonian Like a turtle (and who doesn’t like turtles?). Weighed down by bickering and blather, the farm bill crept through Congress at a chelonian pace. • Dragoon To compel by coercion; to force someone to do something they’d rather not. After working in the yard all day, Michael was dragooned into going to the ballet instead of flopping down to watch the Redwings on TV. • Fantods Extreme anxiety, distress, nervousness or irritability. Jeremy’s love of islands was tempered by the fact that driving over high bridges always gave him the raging fantods. • Mawkish Excessively sentimental; sappy; hopelessly trite. To her surprise, Beth found Robert’s words of love to be so mawkish that they made her feel sticky, as though she were being painted with molasses. • Natter To talk aimlessly, often at great length; rarely, it means simply to converse. You can tell our staff meetings are winding down when everybody starts nattering about their kids. • Persiflage Banter; frivolous talk. Emma hoped to get Lady Astor into a serious conversation, but as long as the King was around she could elicit only persiflage and gossip. • Troglodyte Literally, a cave-dweller. More frequently a backward, mentally sluggish person. Susan felt she could have saved the company if only the troglodytes in management had taken her advice. • Winkle To pry out or extract something; from the process of removing the snail from an edible periwinkle. Jack showed no inclination to leave his seat beside Alice, but Roger was determined towinkle him out of that chair no matter what it took. See what I mean? I may be mawkishly nattering on at a chelonian pace, but trogdolytes who can’t winkle some fun out of words give me the fantods. They should be dragooned into a library until the persiflage and buncombe of their vocabularies is transformed into a cerulean streak of intelligent discourse.

http://www.associatednewspapers.net/editions/eagle013113/index.html#/6/zoomed

I hope you enjoyed….

 

God Bless

Paul Sposite

Guided Insight Life Coach 

Related articles

• Top 10 words you should use more in 2013 (washingtonpost.com)
• Save the words! Language lovers campaign to revive old-timey terms (o.canada.com)
• Essay: The Morals of Gossip (time.com)

 

These are my thoughts… (a post from my friend)

A fantastic post by a good friend…..

 

These are my thoughts…

…shared mostly so you can understand where I am coming from, even if you disagree with me.

It is 11:47 pm right now and I should be sleeping. I should be sleeping but I am unable to. One hour ago, it appeared that the current president was going to win his bid for re-election. One hour ago, I walked into our family room and asked my husband to come join me in our room and hold me until I fell asleep. He fell asleep firs…(typical) I asked him to come hold me because I am scared. Here is the thing, I know I have a lot of friends who voted for ‘the other guy’ and I know that tonight is a night of celebration for you. I know you will be happy and think that you have reached a level of success. I know you are certain that something better has happened for our country. I know you are confident that you can believe in the change that you are striving for. And finally, I know that you don’t quite know why people like me are so scared. I thought I would let you know why. Because here is the thing, understanding where the ‘other’ is coming from is a good thing. I want to help you understand…. (To Keep reading, select here)

_____________________

God Bless

Paul Sposite

Guided Insight Life Coach

 

The Sound of Electronic Silence

Cover of Sounds of Silence (Exp)

Hello darkness, my old friend
I’ve come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence

Sounds Of Silence By: Simon & Garfunkel

The song has an quality to it that makes it seem kind of dark, almost eerie feeling. Some would consider it a depressing song, a song with no hope. But I hear it differently, I hear it as a song of inner peace, a song searching for the meaning of self, the meaning of life, to me it is a song of becoming.

In todays world of connectedness, Wi-Fi and smart phones, we are never to far from being connected to someone or something. In fact we are frightened of being non-connected, of being off the grid as it were. Silence is the “monster under the bed” of many, they fear it, but have no rational reason to do so.

Recently I took a vacation to Koln Germany, I brought my iPad and smart phone, the iPad for reading and checking up on my home via Facebook and the smart phone, just incase I needed to call home. The phone was on, but never used, in-fact a few times it lost its charge, the iPad, well it was on daily, to read the news of the day and to check in on the doings of the two young lads who were watching over my home and pets, and to read. My postings to my Twitter (@paulsposite) and Facebook were at a stand still, and my blogging was put on the back burner. The sound of silence was welcomed, and was filled with real conversations with real people.

Wait, how can I say that, how can the silence be filled with conversation? What do I mean? What the hell am I talking about?

Silence comes in many different flavors, there is, of course, the traditional silence, no sound at all, just the nothingness that surrounds you. This silence is very useful, allowing you to become fully aware of yourself and your surroundings. I have talked about this kind of silence before, the need for it in our lives, even if its just 15 minutes per day, a time to reset and replenish your energy. I have spoken about how Jesus used this time time of silence to hear His Fathers commands and how we need to do the same. But this is not the silence I am referring to today, today I am referring to the digital silence, the silence of electronics. The need to replace the buzz of phones and instant messaging with the hum of humanity.

The world we are living in, is a world of connections, we are connected to each other  in ways we have never seen. We have Facebook friends and Twitter alliances, we instant message each other on our way to be with each other and than continue to message others why we are with each other. We are fearful of being disconnected, we are fearful that we will miss out, we are fearful of the silence of technology.

I love technology, and use it daily, I live on my iPad, I like keeping up with my friends and family and reading the latest news events as they happen, but I also love the down time, the time for me to just sit and be still. When I first got my iPad I was on it every waking hour, posting every  news article I read, and every quote I heard. I felt connected, I felt as if I was contributing to the massive world discussion of politics and current events. I still do post, more than some but less than others, but I have cut back, I have learned lessons and I have become friends with silence once more. Now most nights I post a few things, but for the most part my iPad is closed and away from me. Why the change, why did I give it up, if it was truly something I enjoyed? Simple, the stacks of magazines, books and other stuff that goes unread, the projects that are delayed and the time for silence that is lost. I was replacing all my enjoyment with one thing, the iPad and the net had become my single place of activity. The books I intended to read have collected dust, the magazines I subscribe to have gone unread and in many cases unopened. The projects I have started around the house are 1/2 finished or barley started and all the great plans I have made are just that, plans but no actions.

Is it the fault of the iPad, Facebook or Twitter, nope, its all mine, I allowed them to fill up the silence, I allowed them to take over and become my anti-silence. There is a time and a place for Facebook and Twitter, the iPad offers me many great opportunities to be silent, I have many great books downloaded that I could be reading, I have the ability to work on some of the projects I have started or want to start, its not the fault of technology, but the fault of my use of it.

My To-do list is long, but my actions are short. My personal silent time was lacking, but this is changing. My time in Germany, on my vacation, allowed me to once again remember the quality time I had when I had the time for silence. I remembered that the iPad does not own me, but I own it, I remembered that there is an On and Off switch on it, that if it can be turned on, it can also be turned off. I like that… I think it’s a lesson most of us need to learn, that what can be turned on, The TV, the Radio, the Computer or iPad, MP3 player, all it can also be turned off. The book that is closed can be opened, the magazine that sits there can be picked up. The walk you have been talking about can become reality and the quiet evening spent with good friends over a glass of wine can happen with out the smart phones. Life can exist with out being connected, life did before Wi-Fi and it can do so once again.

We need to re-learn that missing a phone call will not end our life, that not posting our current global position every 15 minutes will not cause the earth to spin off its axis and that our Facebook friends do not really need to know what we are eating or reading or watching every moment of the day. We need to understand that Twitter will still be Twittering with out our little comments and life will go on with or without our input.

The lesson will be hard, we have become so use to posting and tweeting that it almost seems second nature. But life will go on, technology is not the essence of life, this is a hard, true fact.

We need to remember that Wi-Fi cannot replace Face to Face, that Facebook is not the same as “Lets do dinner” and that a tweet is not the same as conversations over a glass of beer. Each have there time and purpose, but one cannot, and should not, replace the other. Reading a good book, be it paper or electronic cannot be replaced by reading the tweets of some celebrity you decided to stalk, and video chatting with your loved ones is not the same as dinner and a movie.

With the Christmas season upon us, maybe we should consider this. Maybe this year when we are buying all our gifts, maybe we could venture out of the electronics department and look in the old fashion game department, you know the ones were you have to sit face to face to play, were you have plastic game pieces and paper money. Or maybe this year when you are planning your Christmas party you could make it a mandatory Electronics Free Zone Party. No Phones, smart or otherwise, no iPads or other Wi-Fi connected devices. Maybe even have a few board games and deck of cards out, maybe you can even communicate directly to each other, you know face to face.. Just a thought….

Look for the opportunities to become electronic free, look for times you can be “Off the Grid” and enjoy the silence of no electronics in your life. Rediscover live that is Twitter free, learn to live a life of no Facebook, even if its for just a few hours per day, make rules for when the smart phones must become silent, establish a time with all OFF buttons must be in use. It can be done, my friends in Germany, they do something very radical, they turn off the power to there modem when they are done using the computer… They disconnect from the grid, and they survived! We can do it, I know we can, besides the benefit of not being connected to the web, you will also save energy… It’s a big step, and I admit, I am not there yet, but I am thinking about it. If I did do that, if I did turn the power off to my modem, not only would I not be able to surf the web, post my amazing input to Facebook, but I would also not be able to watch TV. My TV is run through my computer, I cut the cord and dished the dish years ago. The lack of internet would also turn my iPad into a very expensive e-reader and my books and magazines would become more accessible.

Now its true, its not very hard to turn it back on, but the process takes time, I would have to reboot the computer, log in and make sure all the programs are running that need to be running for my TV to work, to the time it takes would be a deterrent to just turning the TV on because I can. Its something to consider.

Lots to consider…

God Bless

Paul Sposite

Guided Insight Life Coach

 

Ben Franklin and Leadership

Portrait of Benjamin Franklin (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Leadership is something we hear about all the time, we can attend seminars, read books and articles and even blog post. Everyone seems have the solution to being a leader. To me it seems that the title of the book or workshop seems to be more important that the content of the book or workshop. The key to a multi-million dollar book is the title, not so much the content. Now don’t get me wrong, there are some great books out there on leadership, but really, is there anything we have not already hear, read or seen, is there a new holy grail of leadership quality that we just happen to stumble upon?

Can there really be something we missed? I find it hard to believe, sure there are new challenges to being a leader in the 21st century, we have a world that is connected like never before, we tweet or thoughts the moment we have them and Facebook our likes for all the world to see. We have smart phones and tablets that keep us connected to the grid at all times, allowing us to “lead” at any given moment. We can bark our orders to all with one simple posting and we can “keep tabs” on our team with a few clicks of the mouse.

So sure there are new challenges, but has leadership really changes? New tools for a new world, but is being a leader harder today than 10, 20, 50, 100 or 1000 years ago? I think not, if anything, it should be easier. Think about it… Before the advent of cellphones and the internet leaders had to communicate face to face or through well written letters that would take days, weeks or months to arrive at its destination.

Case and point:

Ben Franklin the American Statesmen who helped define this nation, a founding father and great leader. He could not tweet the French monarchy and ask for help in the American cause, he could not pick up his cell phone and give them a little ring nor text them a question. He had only two options, write a letter and send  it off, on a boat to France or pack up his bags and head there himself. Franklin did both. The letter first, stating his purpose and announcing his arrival and than he himself heading off. This was no 8 hour flight, it was a long and treacherous trip on a ship. Not a modern-day cruse liner, but a wooden vessel with very few comforts we would consider must haves.

The trip is only part of it, a lot could change in the time it took Franklin to travel from America to France, and he had no real way of knowing so. There was not onboard communication device to receive updates on the revolution back home. Franklin was flying blind, or should I say, sailing blind. By the time Franklin arrives in France the fight could have been over, the British could have defeated the rebels and his trip could have been in vane.

Sure, we may have times were we are flying blind, times we may feel as if we are on a ship sailing off to ports unknown, but we are never truly out of the loop, not in todays connected society. We few postings to our Linked In account, a few Google searches and before we know it, we have the latest rumors or tid-bits of information. Franklin had none of this, in fact, by the time he arrives in France, the French would know more about the revolution latest happenings than him.

Franklin would have to update himself once in France, based on old news, for even the “breaking news” in France would have been weeks if not months old. No instant updates or news feeds for Mr. Franklin, he had to use his intuition to read between the lines of the old news and speculate on the news yet to come. No fact checking or quick call to the home office to verify his information, nope, Franklin had to just wait for updates.

Franklin spent months in France, waiting for the perfect moment to ask the King for help, he used his time to learn and plan. His face, his words and actions represented the Face of America to the French.

Leaders today have lost the art of statesmanship, most have lost the art of communication, be it a political leader, corporate or community leader, we expect instant results with instant feedback. Look around you, how many people are attached to there smart phones and tablets. How many are afraid to make any decision on there own, how many do not like to wait, feel lost without being connected to the outside world. Leadership is the ability to think on your own, the ability to think of others, Ben Franklin had to do this on a daily bases, he had to consider the nation with out the latest polls to help him form a decision.

Sure he wrote letters home and waited for the reply, the lattes news on how the fight for independence was going, knowing that the news, at best, was weeks old. His decisions were based on facts that could not be easily verified and checked. Life was different, some would say less complex, less hectic, but was it really?

Leadership is not always being in the know, but sometimes its intuition, the gut feeling or reaction. Great leaders learn to trust themselves and others. The Founding Fathers had to have faith in Franklin, they had to trust that he would represent them well, but also trust that his intuition would serve them and the nation, a nation that was at war, fighting for its very existence.  They had to do it based on blind trust, they had no ability to contact him via phone or text, the written word was all the had, and even that was delayed, old news, by the time it reached him. Our very existence depended on a mans intuition and his ability to be a statesman.

Leadership is not new nor has it really changed, the challenges are timeless and the values are eternal. The tools may have changes, but the underlining principals of leadership are universal and forever-in-a-day. This is why we so often look back in history to find examples of true leadership, Washington, Gandhi, Martian Luther King Jr. and many others. Books have been written and seminars given on the leadership styles od Jesus, the Art of War is still considered on of the best books on leadership, yet we still feel the need to try to separate ourselves, to pretend that our day and age is different, that our circumstances calls for new approaches, yet leadership qualities have not changes, they have remained constant and universal throughout history.

We may label them differently, give them updated descriptions but if you spend the time, look for the root of leadership, you will find that all leadership styles breakdown to the same basics:

-Trust

- In self

-In others

-Intuition, gut feelings

-Commutation

-Listening

-Verbal

-Non-Verbal

-Written

-Faith

-In a greater power

-In Self

-In Humanity

-Action

-When to take action

-When not to take action

Leadership in not new and improved because we have new tools, email, twitter, Facebook and Linked In are tools to allow us to lead, but the basics never change. Leadership is still about others, about placing yourself not at the front, but at the rear, not lifting yourself above others, but lifting others above yourself. A true leader is not elected to power, does not take or steal power, a true leader is elevated, raises naturally and humbled by the power granted to them by the ones they lead. The Founding Fathers understood this, and they lived it.

God Bless

Paul Sposite

Guided Insight Life Coach

Related articles

• How Ben Franklin Became a Colonel in the Pennsylvania Militia (mentalfloss.com)
• Leadership and discomfort (claudetoland.com)
• Paul Ryan and Ben Franklin (broeder10.wordpress.com)
• What’s wrong with leadership books? [Andrew Priestley] (ecademy.com)
• Would Ben Franklin be a blogger? (10zenmonkeys.com)
• Ben Franklin Virtue #4 (animaticpress.com)
• The most important message to leaders (cbsnews.com)
• Three Leadership Traits that Never Go Out of Style (blogs.hbr.org)

 

Retreat to Success: A Book Review

Anyone who has read my blog or knows me, knows that I love to read. You would also know that I love to read all different types of books, from Catholic to Stephen King and everything in-between, reading is the elixir of life, books are your friend when no one else it, books are the educators that don’t judge and the parents that teach you silently. I love books, I love to read, even in this day-and-age of eBooks, I still prefer the good old fashion paper books.

When ever I travel I always bring a few books, on my last trip to Mexico City I brought along a Stephen King book, “The wind through the key hole” and “Bill & Billy Moyer and Amber Fogarty’s “Retreat to Success”. This is the second book I have read by Bill & Billy, their fist, “Seeds of Success” was a joy to read and I was looking forward to reading “Retreat to Success”.

Like there first book, “Retreat” was short and to the point, something I love in self-help books. They see no reason to waste the reader’s time with lots of words, but rather, they get to the point and move on. Time is valuable and they understand this. But leaving out the unneeded words does nothing to diminish the effectiveness of this little book, in fact, if anything, it makes this book even more valuable is someone’s collection.

Each chapter of this book alternates between the three different authors as they journey together through a retreat. The insights they gain, the struggles they face and the lessons learned are laid out. Each unit contains the retreat masters questions and the attendees take-a-ways. Having attended weekend retreats before, I understand the mental and physical toll this can take on a person, the pure physical exhaustion one feels at the end of the retreat along with the feeling of accomplishment. I know, for me, that my mind races and new thoughts and ideas abound within me, and I seem to find new and exciting insights in every word uttered by the retreat master. To me that hard part is digesting the information, to find the one of two points that speak directly to my life, to my needs. Bill, Billy and Amber did just that, they where able to find the nuggets of information that not only spoke to them and there needs, but also to me. They made it personal, not only to themselves, but also personal to me. That is a hard thing to do, I know, I try to make that happen in each and every blog I write, it a fine wire between writhe an article that speaks to everyone and a journal that speaks to only the author, “Retreat to Success” does just that, if speaks to everyone.

I would recommend this book, along with their first book, to anyone who is serious about wanting to grow, to grow as a parent, a wife or husband or a business leader. Leadership is not just a corporate thing, in fact I would say that true leadership is more a  humanity thing than anything else. We all are leaders, or at least we all should be. By spend a few hours with a hot cup of tea, curled up in your favorite chair reading “Retreat to Success” will be time well spent. 

I love to read, I love to learn and I love to grow, and “Retreat to Success” fulfilled all three objectives. So what was my take-a-way from this book, what one nugget did I dig out of the book, that a goal should not be a tangible thing but an idea. For example, my goal should not be “I want to make a million dollars”, sure it’s a fine goal, but once I make it, than what. My goal should be “I want to be successful in my company”. The difference, the first goal places a value on my success, a million dollars, the second leaves room for continues improvement. Success is a moving target, something I need to always be monitoring and adjusting my actions to achieve, and in truth, one never fully achieves this goal, because success is a continuation, it never stops calling to you. Success is not measured by dollar amounts, but by relevance. How relevant are you? Whose life have you effected today, in a positive manner and how have your actions or lack of actions made a difference in the world around you, these are the measures of success, not how much money you have or how big your house is. Success is not things, success is legacy, what did you leave behind for others?

Read, learn and grow, the keys to success. Add Bill, Billy and Amber’s book “Retreat to Success” to your book collection, read it, learn from it and grow. It will be time well spent.

God Bless

Paul Sposite

Guided Insight Life Coach

Link to their web site, SOS Leadership

 

Words and Power

Benjamin Franklin (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Words are powerful things; they have the power to change history, to create revolution and to mend broken hearts. I was reminded of this fact this morning when I gave the following quote to a friend:

There are three things extremely hard: steel, a diamond, and to know one’s self.

– Benjamin Franklin

The quote is a tab bit hard to understand unless you take the time to see the words as they are. When I first read it, I read it as only two things, stealing a diamond and knowing thy self. I missed the nuance of the punctuation, and of course my mind replace steal for steel. This friend also did the same, but in order to “fix” the problem they wanted to rewrite the quote, or better yet, reorder the words. They wanted

There are three things extremely hard: a diamond, steel, and to know one’s self.

Yes, it makes the reading a bit easier on us, but it is not what Mr. Franklin said, and not how he wanted it stated. For anyone who knows Ben knows that he loved the English language and was a master at it. I do not know for sure, but I would venture to guess that he placed the words exactly as he did for a very specific purpose. Regardless, his words should be represented as he stated them. Words are very powerful indeed, and rearranging them or substituting them can and often does cause issues.

Misunderstandings are often the result of misplaced or missed used words. The Founding Fathers understood this, and knew the power of the written word, the permanence of them and the importance of each word. The Catholic Church is known to spend years debating the simplest of words, knowing that a simple, yet very important distinction are between using one word over another. Nuances in communication is extremely important, politicians know this, this is why they hire speech writers and practice there talking points, a simple slip-up can cause them to lose the election. We often call the gaffes, but what they really are, are moments of truth.

Words, spoken or written have the power to shape our destinies or destroy our past. Historians understand this, they understand how they can write about our Founders, telling the truth, yet leading you to a conclusion that is anything but the truth. The omission of words alters the facts, but leaves behind the basic truth.

We recently saw this in the Trayvon Martian case. The news media played the tape, the call from George Zimmerman, but by omitting one seeming simple line of conversation, the narrative changed. Words have the power to unite or to divide.

It seems to me, that we have lost the art of words; we have simplified them, dumb them down and turned them into meaningless letters. For example, take the word “Fair”, we hear it almost daily, “Fair share” “Fair Play”, as is “All Americans deserve a fair share of the American Dream”. I agree, but I would venture to guess that my understanding of Fair is not the majorities understanding. Most would think of fair as equal, as in, if one person has the dream, to be fair about it, all should have the dream. Not so, fair does not mean equal.

free from bias, dishonesty, or injustice: a fair decision; a fair judge. (Source)

To be fair only means to offer the same,

as great as; the same as (often followed by to or with ): The velocity of sound is not equal to that of light. (Source)

Take your time, read the definitions and you will notice the nuance, the words have meaning…

We need to return to the day when words had meanings, when the power of words were understood and respected. How did we get to this point, I am not sure, I have my own theories, but they are just that, mine. I would place the blame on the dummying down of America, instead of keeping our standards high and expecting people to reach for them, we have lowered the standards, all in the name of fairness, so all can reach them. Our newspapers use to be written at the 9th grade level, now many are written at the 5th grade level, our leaders use to be statesmen, speaking and writing as such, but now they strive to be everydaymen. Our schools use to expect excellence but now promote fairness, is hopes of being inclusive and accepting of all, to offer a fair chance for all to excel, yet most will not.

Our Founders understood something we have seem to have forgotten, they understood that we all deserve a fair chance at success, but we all will not achieve it. They understood that my success is not your success that each person is unique, that success is individual, not communal that fairness does not equate to equal, and that the guarantee of The Pursuit of Happiness is not the same as the guarantee of happiness. Our Founders understood the power of words, and based on them a new nation was born, a revolution declared and lives placed in the balance to defend them.

The United States was and is a Nation based on words, based on the nuances of the words and many a brave man and woman have spilled their blood upon the ground in defense of those words.

So is it really a big deal if someone reorders or replaces a word, to simplify the words, to bring them down to make them more “accessible”, Yes, I think so, I think words have meaning, have power and purpose, and to lower them, to bring them down, even in the name of understanding, is wrong. Instead, we should be striving to raise ourselves up, to strive to understand and to learn. Our Founding Fathers, many of them self-educated, saw the power in them, understood the need for them and knew that this new nation would rise up to them, and defend them or die. Patrick Henry understood:

It is in vain, sir, to extenuate the matter. Gentlemen may cry, Peace, Peace– but there is no peace. The war is actually begun! The next gale that sweeps from the north will bring to our ears the clash of resounding arms! Our brethren are already in the field! Why stand we here idle? What is it that gentlemen wish? What would they have? Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death! (Source)

Words have meaning… Words have power… Make your word count…

God Bless

Paul Sposite

Guided Insight Life Coach

Related articles

• Lazy Words (fakeplasticsouks.blogspot.com)
• 14 Lessons From Benjamin Franklin About Getting What You Want In Life (acordocoletivo.org)
• Benjamin Franklin- Continual Inspiration (the-senior-citizen-times.com)
• Original Draft: The Declaration of Independence (Jefferson abolished slavery) (libertarianreview.us)
• 14 Lessons From Benjamin Franklin About Getting What You Want In Life (businessinsider.com)
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Road to Redemption: How to Overcome Feeling Sorry for Yourself

Feeling sorry for yourself, and you present condition, is not only a waste of energy but the worst habit you could possibly have.

-Dale Carnegie

What can we do about this, how can we change our own outlook on our own life? How do we stop feeling sorry for ourselves, stopping the self-pity and self loathing?  What can we do to save ourselves from ourselves?

Some points to consider:

• Only you can make you feel bad
• Only you are in control of you
• Only you can fix you
• Only you can do it

We are in control of our own lives, this is a basic and true fact, nothing can change this basic fact. However, being human, being of a fallen nature, we are prone to failure, we are prone to self-doubt we are prone to self-destruction. So how do we change this, how do we get past our fallen human nature? What can we do to become a better person, a person of confidence a person of integrity and person of character?

We can teach ourselves to over come our fallen nature, we can grow above and beyond that, it is achievable, it is with-in our grasps, all we need to do is trust, trust in God, trust that He will provides the graces we need to archive our perfection.

Trust in God does not mean we sit back and do nothing, quit the contrary, trust in God means we buckle down, place our nose to the grind stone, work our fingers to the bones, what ever cleaver little saying you choose. Trust is God is not the easy road, but it is the road less traveled. It is the road to perfection and happiness, it is the road to freedom and salvation, it is the only road to our own personal redemption.

God is our ticket to liberation, liberation from self-doubt, liberation from self-hatred, the two self-defeating attitudes that create the conditions necessary for self-loathing and just plain old feeling sorry for yourself. God and His graces, His love for you and all your imperfections, our ability to accept His love, to use His graces, that’s the way to freedom, the road to liberation.

Sounds easy, who would not want Gods love, who does not want the graces God bestows upon us? Ask almost anyone, and they would tell you, Yep, I want Gods love, I want His grace, not many would out-and-out refuse it. Some do, but most would be more than happy to accept the freely given gifts. So why that do we have so much pain and suffering, why do we have so many people who are full of self-pity and self-hatred?

Because the gifts and love are given freely, but we must be open to and willing to accept them, and simply saying yes, simply using words, dead words, is not enough. Action is required, God wants us to fully participate in His divine plan for ourselves, He wants us to be active, not just a vessel to poor His love and graces into, but an active participant in His love and grace.

What good are gifts, given freely, if we do not use them, what good is love, given unconditionally, if we do not accept it? A gift is only as useful as it is used, otherwise the gift is of no value. We can receive Gods love all daylong, but if we do not open ourselves to this love, if we do not partake in this love, the love is of no value to us. Yes God continues to love us, regardless of our acceptance or not, but the love goes unused, it is not returned nor is it give to others. The love of God is not meant to be buried like a secret love, but to be received and displayed for all to see, and to be given to others as freely as it was given to us.

The act of receiving is not a passive act, it is an act that requires us to participate fully. Consider this, have you ever given a gift to a friend or loved one, a gift that you gave out of no obligation, no requirement, no special occasion. You gave the gift just out of love, given freely, expecting nothing in return. But the recipient was not receptive to your gift, they may have accepted it, they may have even opened it, but they were not receptive. They showed no sign of joy in the act of love, they showed no sign of rejection, they just accepted it. We, the gift bearer, leave feeling rejected, feel that our love was neither accepted nor outright rejected. We think to ourselves, I would rather have them say I reject your gift, I do not want it, than to just accept it with no emotion at all. The act of receiving is active, it requires work on the part of the receiver. It is the same with Gods gifts to us, He freely offers His gifts, He will not force them upon us, we must freely accept them, and just saying yes is like the friend that opened the gift you offered with no emotion, no reaction, just nothingness. The gift, although given was not truly accepted, it was discarded, not with words, but the lack of action.

So what actions, what is required of us, nothing, we are not required to accept Gods graces nor Gods love, just like we are not required to accept gifts on our birthday or at Christmas. We can choose freely to participate in Gods love, just as we choose freely to accept Christmas gifts and attend birthday parties. But once we choose to attend, action is required, input and output are part of the interaction of any social gathering, so is the case with God, He provides the input, and we provide the output. He gives us, freely, His love, the input, and we actively, through our works, provide the output. Notice, God gives freely, and we work actively, it is through the active works we perfect the graces and love of God is fully realized.

So how can God help us get over our self-hate, our feeling sorry for ourselves. What must we do to actively participate in Gods graces and love given freely. How do we perform the work to  fully realize the gifts God has given. For each of us God has given the gifts that we need, the gifts that are unique to us, so for each of us the works are also unique, but here is a list of a few things all of us can do to help us realize the full potential of our gifts.

• Pray daily, offer up 30 to 60 minuets per day to God, talk to Him, but more importantly, listen, be still, be quiet, and listen to the loving voice of God. And do not worry if you don’t hear Him  the first time or every time you pray, like everything else in our lives, it take practice. So just pray, daily and know and accept that some days will be better than others.
• Read daily, anyone who has read my blog before knew that this would be one of the point, it almost always is. But reading is important, reading opens our minds to new possibilities. Read the bible, read a good solid spiritual book or read a novel, just read and let your mind go, let your mind enter into the story or passage. Let the author take you along for the ride. Read at least 15 minutes per day. God often times speaks to me through the books I choose to read that day, the passage I decide to look up or the magazine I choose out of the stack on my coffee table. God uses the everyday items about us to communicate to us, God comes to the place we are, He does not wait for us to arrive at the place He desires us to be.
• Journal daily, write about your day, write about what you see about you, write about your prayer life, write about what ever you choose to write about. This blog is my journal, it allows me the opportunity to clear my mind, to put down on paper (well in this case, electronic paper) what is on my mind, allows me the opportunity to clear it, to visualize it. God uses these opportunities to speak to us, often times I just sit to write, no idea what I want to write about, just feel the need to clear my mind. It is in these moments that I feel God guiding me more that any other. So journal daily, allow the Holy Spirit to guide your hand across the paper, or in my case the keyboard. Use your time journaling as a time of communion with God.
• Learn daily, learn about your faith, learn about your life, learn about your country learn about wine or basket weaving, just learn, never stop learning. God created our minds to grow, to learn to expand. In the process of learning, we are using one of Gods greatest gifts to us, the gift of knowledge. So learn something new daily, try something new daily. I try to make it a point to learn something new daily, be it a simple fact or a complex idea. Learning about this world, our self, our nation or about basket weaving is learning about God, for through the ordinary we find God.
• Think one positive thought daily, when you are in the mist of a bad day, stop yourself, and think about one positive event that took place that day. There is always one, no day is completely bad. Even Good Friday, the day our Lord was killed upon a cross had a positive moment, the moment He offered His life for our sins. So stop and think, seek out the shinning spot among the darkness of your day. It is in the moment, that spot that God will be found.
• Thank someone daily, always give thanks to all around you, but find someone who needs your thanks more than any other, we find God in our fellow-man, and they find God in us, give freely of your Gift of love from God, by returning to others.

Our works do not purchase Gods love nor are the required, God gives it freely, but our works bring the fullness of Gods love to light. Through Gods love we will learn to love the self, and only through our works will we fully realize that self-love.

 

God Bless

 

Paul W Sposite

Guided Insight Life Coach

Related articles

• Freely Given – Freely Give (eworth2011.wordpress.com)
• The Gift of Embodiment (dreamprayact.com)
• What Is Love??? (parlaadaltavoce.wordpress.com)
• God’s Love Will Never Fail Us, No Matter Our Weaknesses (chronicillnesspaindevotionals.wordpress.com)
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The 4 Points of Leadership

Bearing compass (18th century). (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The 4 Points of Leadership, like a compass, we need to make sure our leadership skills, our life skills are inline with the 4 main points on our internal compass. The goal of any leader, be they corporate leaders, group leaders or mom and dads, direction and clarity are important. The 4 Points of Leadership will help you set your compass to true north and help you to set your course to a leadership style of clarity and direction.

 

Point One: Environment

Be careful the environment you choose for it will shape you; be careful the friends you choose for you will become like them.
W. Clement Stone

The people and things we choose to surround ourselves with define us, they shape us and inform the world who and what we are. As my mother use to so, you are who you hang with, we choose to associate with like minded people, to frequent places filled with the atmosphere we thrive in. We do not often exit our comfort zone nor do we often drastically change our environment, we are creatures of habit and seek out comfort and security.

To set our compass to True North, to Clarity and Direction, we need to create an environment that is healthy and uplifting, we need to choose friends and associates that will help define us as productive and positive influences on our society.  Our Direction needs to be one of upward movement, one set with the goal of creating a better world that we entered into. This includes \more that just donating to the local soup kitchen, it includes our actions and words as well. The simple act of teaching our children to say please and thank you, or to open the door for an elderly person. Respect and charity go hand in hand, and are all part of the environment we create.

Point two:  Action

We have too many high sounding words, and too few actions that correspond with them.

Abigail Adams (1744 – 1818), letter to John Adams, 1774

Actions speak louder than words, we all have heard this saying, most likely from our Mothers, and once again, our mothers were right. Actions do speak loader than words, in-fact actions define our words. It is easy to say “I will” or “Yes” or even “I love you” but if our actions do not back up the words, the words become hollow and meaningless. Yet, if we just do it, with out the words, the action stands on its own, becomes the truth with in the words not spoken. Actions are our currency, it is with actions that we gain trust and respect. And like money, we must learn when to spend our actions and on what. Well spent actions will provide us with respect and trust, where as miss spent actions or lack of action will deplete our account and render us morally bankrupt in the eyes of our creditors, our friends and family.

To set our compass to True North, to Clarity and Direction, we need to learn the value of actions, to see the outcome and consequences of our actions on ourselves and those who surround us. We need to learn that our words must be followed by our actions, and that our actions can and do define our moral character. We are what we do or don’t do. Our inaction is as important as our actions.

 

Point three: Laugh

A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It’s jolted by every pebble on the road.
~Henry Ward Beecher

Nothing in this world is beyond a laugh. We cannot take life or ourselves to seriously. Life is to short not to smile to enjoy and to laugh. Learn to relax and go with the flow, and you will learn that life is not all that bad. We all have run into that one person who seems to have the personality of a arm pit hair, they find no joy in any aspect of life, and fine no humor in this world. They see the world as a cold humorless place, a place that needs to be pitied not laughed at.

Before you condemn them, stop and look at yourself, are there times, moments or days that you too feel this old world is just in to sad a shape to laugh to enjoy and experience. We all could use a little more laughter in our lives, we all can light up a bit more and learn to make this world a little more bearable.

To set our compass to True North, to Clarity and Direction, we need to learn to find the silly in life’s stressful moments. We need to learn to laugh at the ridiculous and find the humor in the outrageous. We need to teach our children not to be offended so easily and to find the funny in the sometimes not so funny world. The world can be, and often is a cruel place, God has given us the grace of humor, it is up to us to use this gift to help make this world a better place, for ourselves and the next generation of leaders.

Point Four: God

God gives every bird its food, but He does not throw it into its nest.

~J. G. Holland

Our being depends on only one Being,God, believe in Him or not does not change the simple fact that God is there and God is the Creator. God provides all that we need, but we must achieve it ourselves. We have faith in the outcome, but the work must come from within. We are not capable of achieving greatness without the graces of God flowing through us and within us. We must learn to respect and harness the graces God has provided for us, each to our needs, not our desires. God knows all our wants and provides for all our needs. Our wants and needs may not be the same, we may not understand the differences, but God does.

To set our compass True North, to Clarity and Direction we need to learn that God exist, truly exist and provides for our well being, but allows us to partake in the process, allows us to journey alongside the Creator. Our actions, words and desires need to be all for one purpose, glorifying God and praising Him for the graces He has bestowed upon us. Once again, believe in God or not, does not change the fact the God believes in you.

In Conclusion

The 4 Points of Leadership can and should be thought of as the 4 Points of Life, a life lived well. Each person is a leader, a leader of there life, there family there destiny. We choose the path we wonder, we set our compasses on the prize we seek and we gather around us the ones whom we esteem and hold dear to ourselves. God allows us the freedom, grants us the freewill to choose the path we walk, always offering us the graces we need to walk the path with Clarity and a sense off Direction. It is our decision to take up His offer to to choose to walk the path alone. Leadership is not about going it alone, not about forging a new path or even about making a name for yourself, Leadership is about understanding, understanding self, others and your place in the universe, it is about understanding your roll in Gods plan, not Gods roll in your plans.

 

God Bless

Paul Sposite

Guided Insight Life Coach 

 

 

 

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