Mother, Daughter and John 15:13

A friend of mine was texting me the other night with issues she was having with her daughter, Mothers Day had come and passed and all she received from her daughter was a text stating Happy Mothers Day. Shallow and cold, I will admit, but not unexpected. The relationship between them has always been a bit strained. Even as a young child, the daughter is now in her 20’s, she was a self-centered child. Looking to always serve her own interest. The blame, as always, lies between the parents and the personality of the child.

Her parents are divorced, I do not know the father, but know the mother well. She holds on to the divorce live a badge, she will not let it go, never have and most likely never will. She is bitter and hurt. For what I do not know, for I only know one side of the story. And as we all know, one side of a two-sided story is never enough. What I do know is the deep roots this divorce has caused. I have known the mother for over 15 years, at one time we dated, and we have remained friends after the break-up. Her lack of ability to let it go causes much pain in her and those around her, this, of course, cause issues with-in the family unit. From what I can tell, based on what I have been told by the mother and the kids, she has two, a boy and girl, the father is not very concerned with rules. He is laid back and not very concerned with structure. Is that the case, I do not know, like I said I have never had the change to meet him. But it is the narrative played out in the kids and mother.

The mother, she is controlling and likes structure, she is deeply emotional and likes lots of affirmations, one could say she is needy.  Is she a bad person, no, I think she has a big heart and means well, but I do think she has a difficult time defining love, to me it seems she places a tangible value on love and fails to see love as intangible. She needs to “see” love, the feeling is not enough.

Sure, I will be the first to admit Love is many things, tangible and intangible, but I will also be the first to admit that Love is not one thing, it’s not seeing over feeling, and Love does not always show it self in the ways we would expect. Sometimes the smallest of acts, a smile at just the right moment, says Love more than the words could ever do, Sometimes, but not Always…

Sometimes that same smile can be spiteful and hurtful… Love is…. What is it?

The bible offers us many passages about love, but the one that came to mind when I was talking to my friend, trying to help her through the latest issue with her daughter was this…

John 15:13

¹³ Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.

^{New American Standard Bible (NASB)}

 

Why this passage of all passages… The Holy Spirit works in odd ways, let me tell you….

Some back ground of the conversations:

As I said, the daughter text her “Happy Mothers Day” her son, who is in Mexico as part of his seminarian training, called her and talked for 2 hours. A drastic difference, but the two kids are as different as night and day, so not unexpected. But back to the issue at hand.

She asked me what I thought of it all, my response, What did you expect from her. Her response, Love. This conversation went on for about 45 minutes (by the way, I hate texting).

She asked for my advice on what she should do, my advice, same as it has been for a few years now, Stop expecting what she will not provide you. Her response, What, I should not expect my daughters love.

Not exactly what I was talking about, I explained that she loves you, but you will never get the response you want, and if you keep setting yourself up for disappointment, that’s what you will always get.

Still no go, her questions, Is it so wrong for a mother to want her child’s love. My response, No, it’s not wrong, but you cannot force anyone to love you in the way you want or need. Love does not force, it does not control and it is not needy. She did not really like that response from me. Sometimes the truth hurts.

But she knows me well, and she knows I always speak my mind and tell it as I see it. No harm was intended and I am sure no harm was done. So she asked for clarification.

My clarifications, We have to learn to accept the love that is offered, not try to change the love to be what we want. This did not help. She still felt that love was a tangible thing.

Her plan of action

The daughter’s birthday is next month, so her plan is to give her daughter a photo of the three of them, the mother and the two kids. Sounds nice, unless you know the daughter, and I do… She will reject this, not because she hates her brother and not because she hates her mother, but she will reject it out of spite. Just to retain the control over her mother. The more she rejects her mom, the more control she has over her. Her mothers need for tangible love is strong, and her mothers need to control is strong (she is a passive aggressive controller).So the rejection of the photo would only lead to the mother feeling hurt and trying to figure out what she can do to earn her daughters love. This, of course, gives the daughter all the power, and the mother none.

My response to the planed gift, Not a good idea. Do not play into her hands. So what than should I do, was her next question.. Text her, Happy Birthday, and offer her a dinner. Leave it at that… She was not happy with that recommendation. Her concern, if the daughter rejects the dinner invite, that would hurt more, and she really wants to give the photo and birthday card.

The real concern, she wants to gain the upper hand, to have control, to tug at her daughter’s heart-strings, and she thinks the family photo will do the trick.

But she is missing the point, the text and dinner offer gives her the control, the daughter would not expect the same treatment she gives her mother. Now some would say I was being childish, but I beg to differ. The response is not meant to hurt, but to level the playing field, to stop setting oneself up for one disappointment after another, to start to accept the kind of love the daughter was offering and to learn that sometimes we must let go.

So this is the point where I offered my bible verse:

¹³ Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.

The point of the passage was missed on her. But it was too late at night for me to get in to is, so I told her to think on it. She asked me to send her an email explaining it to her, so this post is my response (I will only send her the part concerning the passage, all the above back ground information is for us only…Unless she reads this blog…)

Why did that passage pop into me head as a good passage to use? What was the Holy Spirit leading me to? And how do I explain it? Well here I will try:

When most people read that passage, the first think that comes to mind is Jesus upon the cross, offering up His life for our sins. Offering it up freely… WOW, that is true love and friendship. So most of us think of it as the ultimate act of sacrifice for love and friendship, to offer ones life, and it is, if it is not takes to lightly. We read stories and see it on the news, people placing themselves in danger for a child or a loved one, we even see it being done for total strangers (think Boston Marathon bombing).

The gift of life should never be taken lightly and should never be given lightly. But is that the only way one can lay down ones life for a friend? I think not!

*Parents lay down their life for their children on a daily basis. Not always by risking death, sometimes it is by stand by their child through a sickness or by supporting a child through hard times. The love of a parent knows no bounds. The parent knows that rejection of the love is always a possibility, but it is offered anyway, parents know a child my do something that may go beyond anything they may have ever dreamed their child was capable of (think school shootings), but even than a parent will stand by their child. They may not approve of the child’s actions, they may even be the ones to turn them in to the authorities, but there love for that child does not falter. They are willing to take the mean words offered to them by others who do not understand, that will defend their child even if it means they to are persecuted. This is a death they are willing to undertake for their child. Not a physical death, but yet, it is still a death.

Consider a parent of an addict, they offer help and forgiveness to their child, they take them in and support them, only to have the addiction take over their child, yet again. But they continue to support and make excuse for the child, to shelter them from the crudeness of the world. Thinking that they are helping the child, suffering with the child, only to see the child falter again. This is not laying down ones life, it is protection of ones own life. The child needs to learn how to fail, so they can learn how not to fail. For the parent this means to let the child fail, and in doing so, they to will feel the failures the disappointments and resentment of and from the child. This is a death, but like the death of Jesus, there is a resurrection, a new life.

The new life comes from the child’s understanding that actions have consequences, that the addiction causes pain. But if the parent kept sheltering the child, the pain is always shifted to the parent, the child takes no responsibility for their actions. But by the parent allowing the child to feel the failure the parent is also allowing the child to grow to learn and to experience a new life. And the parent is also allowed to grow, to learn and to experience a new life. This most likely will not happen in tandem with each other, the parent may experience the new life before the child even realizes what has just happened, or the parent may take years to come to terms with the fact that they allowed their child to fail. But in the end, Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends… And a life can be laid down in many ways.

God Bless

Paul Sposite

Guided Insight Life Coach

* The examples are given to illustrate a point, I am not implying that this is always the case. And before anyone starts yelling at me about the addiction example, yes I do understand additions, yes, I know what I am talking about… But remember, it was an example, not a real life situation, so deal with it…

 

 

 

 

Related articles

• A Mother’s Love (modernmanofthecloth.com)
• Mothers’ Day: Damn I Forgot!! (thoughtsthatforge.wordpress.com)

 

I was Raised in a Home…

I was born and raised in a home that thought respect was a good thing, that children showed respect to their elders, at all times, regardless of what the child thought of them.

I was raised in a home where manners was a requirement to eat at the dinner table, for everyone, guest included.

I was raised in a home were we, the children, understood that the adults had more privileges than us, that they, the adults, earned it, and we had not.

I was raised in a home were No meant No, where crying, pouting and other such behavior only made things worse.

I was raised in a home were good grades were expected, not rewarded and bad grades were punished not excused.

I was raised in a home with one TV that my mom and dad controlled, and we, the kids were privileged to use it, and that privilege could be taken away at anytime.

I was raised in a home were the car was something you asked permission to borrow, unless you bought your own, and even than the privilege to drive that car, or any other car could be striped away.

I was raised in a home were the parents were the parents, not the best friends, were the law of the land was at the discretion on said parents, not up for discussion. The parents ran the household, not the children, the parents enforced the rules, not the child and the parent had first, second and last say in all matters concerning my upbringing until I moved out of the house.

I was raised in a loving home with two parents who fought and argued and sometimes made mistakes. They sometimes punished when it was not fair they sometimes refused to understand my side and they sometimes just had not time for my little boy concerns, they had adult concerns. They had the bills to pay and the other 4 siblings to look after. They had the car repairs to look after and the groceries to buy. Sometimes my major life event was just to hard for them to see or understand.

I was raised in a home were sometimes my parents forgave me to quickly or overlooked my faults, were sometimes they put aside their concerns for the bills and food, just to spend time with me on the floor playing or going for a walk in the snow. Sometimes they saw no one but me.

I was raised in a home with understanding and misunderstanding under the same roof, were pride and disappointment could be seen side-by-side and were love was found in the smile of my frustrated parents.

I was raised in a home were the problems of the house hold, the adult problems, were not shared, the burden was not unloaded upon my shoulders, were the concerns of finding the money was never mine.  Were the house payment or loss of a job was dealt with in the wee hours of the night, with the children sleeping soundly.

I was raised in a home were childhood was nurtured and allowed to grow, were Santa existed and the back yard was window into the world of imagination.

My parents were not perfect, I was not perfect nor were my brothers and sisters, we were, simply put, a family learning how to live and grow with each other. I grew up knowing that I will not get everything I ask for, everything I want, but I will always have everything I need. The latest pair sneakers were a want, not a need, and I learned this lesson early in life. Were the lessons always painless, no, sometimes my little mind could not grasp the value at hand, what did I know of house payments or layoffs, this was not my concern as a child, it was the concern of my parents and there friends. Hard or easy, the lesson was there, and I am sure, more often than not, it was harder for my parents than for me.

This blog was to be about the problem with youth today, all the violence and just plain bad attitude, it was to offer a solution to the problem, to help find creative ways to deal with youth gone wild. The first few I was raised lines were to be lead-ins to the issues facing parents and communities, but like all good blogs, this one has a mind of its own, and turned into a tribute to my childhood, my parents and how I was raised.

Life was not perfect, my dad was laid off a few times from the automotive industry, we struggled to survive and we had our good and bad moments. I remember eating raw potato’s as a snack, I though nothing of it as a kid. I love them, little did I know it was because my parents could not afford the chips and other junk food my friends had. To me, a raw potato with salt was as good, if not better than a bag of chips. I still love them today. My parents didn’t bother us kids with such things, if we did ask such question pertaining to bills or other money concerns we were told, more often than not, that it was none of our concerns. We did not know nor understand the struggles and sacrifices our parents made, I, for I cannot speak for my siblings, never knew we had money concerns I just knew that the shoes I really wanted were too much, so I had to get the off brand ones, and I never had an issue with that, to me they were all the same.

A parents job is to provide and protect, to provide food, shelter and love and to protect us from harm as best they can. There job is not to give us our every want, to shower us with gifts or money, their job is not to treat us like little adults and burden us with adult sized issues. Our shoulders are not broad enough to hold such a load.

I was raised in a home of imperfections and blemishes, were wrong was sometimes right and yes was sometimes no.

I was raised in a home… A home that I am proud to call my own, a home that my parents built, not out of brick and stone, but out of love and concern. Our walls may not have been perfect, the floors may have creaked and yes, sometimes the wind may have blown through the cracks and crevasses. This home was in Detroit and The Irish Hills, it was in Clinton and Ann Arbor, it was in Canton and Westland and now it is with in me. My parents where not perfect and our home was lived in many houses, but it was always home.

God Bless

Paul Sposite

Guided Insight Life Coach

 

Suffer the Children

But Jesus said to them: Suffer the little children, and forbid them not to come to me: for the kingdom of heaven is for such.

Mathew 19:14 (Douay-Rheims Bible)

Yesterday was a sad day in Detroit, Michigan and Chardon, Ohio. (Select the city to read the stories) Our youth, our children have become murderers. Nothing new you may be saying to yourself, and right you are, Children have been killing each other over silly things since Cain and Abel.

Now Abel kept flocks, and Cain worked the soil. ³ In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the LORD. ⁴ And Abel also brought an offering—fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock. The LORD looked with favor on Abel and his offering, ⁵ but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor. So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast.

⁶ Then the LORD said to Cain, “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? ⁷ If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.”

⁸ Now Cain said to his brother Abel, “Let’s go out to the field.”^[d] While they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him.

⁹ Then the LORD said to Cain, “Where is your brother Abel?”

“I don’t know,” he replied. “Am I my brother’s keeper?”

¹⁰ The LORD said, “What have you done? Listen! Your brother’s blood cries out to me from the ground. ¹¹ Now you are under a curse and driven from the ground, which opened its mouth to receive your brother’s blood from your hand. ¹² When you work the ground, it will no longer yield its crops for you. You will be a restless wanderer on the earth.

Genesis 4:2-12 (NIV)

Youth, from the start, have been envious of others; it seems to be a part of them. So no, murder is nothing new within society, but something has changed. I am not sure what, but something has.

Yesterday I was thinking about the senseless acts of both the Detroit youths and the Chardon, and I knew I needed to write about it today, to offer something, but what that something is I do not know. My mind goes from one thought to the next, one direction to the other, and it is hard for me to focus on one train of thought. I know this, I know that this has to stop, that we have to find a way to make the madness stop!

The responsibility falls on all of us, the Family, the Community, the Church, State and Nation. The violence is an epidemic a cancer eating away at our cities, our youth. Killing off the next generation of Doctors and scientist, politicians and fathers and mothers. We are aborting our responsibilities, all too often in the name of, of what?

We no longer “discipline” our youth, for fear of social services coming in and taking them. We are more concerned about their self-esteem them about their lives. Me, I say low self-esteem for a few hours is well worth the price of a lifetime. We no longer “force” youth to follow basic rules, in order to allow them to express themselves. I am sorry, they will have a lifetime to do that, in school rules are to be followed, and at home, rules are to be followed. This idea that the child and the parents are “best friends” is silly at best and destructive at worst. We are not “friends” to our children, we are parents, and we are caretakers and guardians of their little lives. We are to nurture and love them, but we are also to teach them and sometimes “punishment” is part of teaching.

In the real world, if I break a law, I must pay the fine, be it cash, time or whatever the price is, I am expected to pay it. Yet all too often, we teach our children that there is no punishment, there is no fine for the crime they commit.

I remember, years ago, when my boy came home from playing soccer at the local soccer club. This club charges $5 per person to play. He did not have the $5 to play, because I was at work and unable to give it to him. Nevertheless, when he returned home that day, he told me he played. I asked him how he paid, he said he didn’t, I assumed one of his friends paid, so I asked, who paid for you? No one he said… Therefore, me being the ever-smart one, asked, so how did you get in, and he being the ever not so bright at times said, we waited until the girl left the counter and walked in.

Yep, he walked in, without paying. Sure, it was only $5, at least that is what he said to me, no big deal, its only $5. Now I could have said, your right, they make enough money, and they should not charge you anyway. But what I said was, I don’t care if it was only one penny, what you did was wrong, it was stealing and you will pay it back, you will go and apologize and you will never, ever do it again. Because if you do, you will be one sorry young man. So we got in the car, drove back to the soccer place, I made him look the person in the eyes, tell them what he did, say he was sorry and offer his services to pay back the $5. He washed windows for about 45 minutes. Than we drove home. On the way home, I told him I was disappointed in him and that I loved him, we stopped for dinner and enjoyed our night. Now, he still did not think he did anything wrong, but a few days later he came back to me and said he understood and that he was truly sorry.

Yep, sometimes punishments have to be part of love and understanding. Yesterday my reaction to the Detroit mess was to bring the death penalty into Detroit, it was a knee jerk reaction, but I feel it may still have some merit. The problem, most of the violence is from youth, under 18. However, we need to do something, we need to fix this, and we need to fix it soon.

I do not have the answers, no one person does, God does, so I know we need to pray for the youth and pray for the cordage to do what is needed to be done. I also know that it is going to take all of us to fix this mess, all of us working together, putting aside our egos and city verse suburbs mentality. I know that I love the city of Detroit, but I also know that I am, for the first time in my life, getting a little scared to go to the city. The youths are running wild and they have no respect, none for themselves and even less for others. Life to them is expendable. Sad… However, expected…

We, as a nation, began to teach our youth that life is expendable. It started in 1979, and has grown. The land mark case of Roe v Wade, making abortion the law of the land, murder on demand. What do we expect, when Planned Parenthood goes into our schools and tells the youth, you do not want the “problem” you created, get rid of it, kill it, toss it out on to the streets, murder it. So life becomes worth nothing. Oh, and by the way, you want to do, do not let anyone tell you that you cannot, you just do it. We have allowed our youth to be taught that parents, the caretakers, guardians and we have no right to tell them, the youth, how to live, what to do, what is morally right and wrong. We have created a generation of individual morals, a generation that thinks they personally are more important that the person standing next to them. This flies in the face of what we know to be true.

²⁸ just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

Mathew 20: 28 (NIV)

We know, as Christians, that we are to serve others, yet we have created a generation that sees it as, others are to serve them. The question is how do we get back to that, Jesus calls us to?

This Lent, use the time to pray for our youth, to ask God for guidance and grace and to protect our youth from the evil one.

God Bless & Happy Lent

Paul Sposite

Guided Insight Life Coach (website is being updated, current web is just a template)

 

Related articles

• Chapter 4 – Sin Continues through Cain (candylehnen.com)
• Massacre in Chardon, Ohio (ronskemp.wordpress.com)
• Genesis 4 (youthalphapeterson.wordpress.com)
• 365 Day Bible Challenge (Day 3) (seattlegirl07.wordpress.com)
• Cain and Abel (fellowshipofminds.wordpress.com)
• Cain and Abel (Genesis 4) (refreshmyheartinchrist.wordpress.com)
• BIBLE JOURNEY !!! Part Four (ebenezerjmalyi.wordpress.com)
• World Lit 1/23 (classesofgcsu.wordpress.com)
• Cain, by José Saramago (theglobeandmail.com)
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Whitney and the 4 points

First Point

I, like many, was sadden to hear about Whitney Houston’s death. Death, of anyone, is always a tragic and sad moment, Life that has ended always leaves someone sad, even the murder has loved ones. Yes, I am a child of the 80’s, I graduated in ‘84, so the soundtrack to my teenage years was the 80’s. I remember seeing Whitney in “The Body Guard” and hearing “I will always love you” and thinking, what a great and powerful song. That is my favorite song of hers. The power and depth touched me, and it still does. I remember thinking what a mistake it was when she married Bobby Brown and thinking how sad it was when she admitted she was a crack user. What a tragic waste of life, and in the end, it was. So yes, I was saddened, but I was not shocked.

Second Point

I knew, once I heard the news reports, that the eulogies would start, the road to sainthood would be paved and Whitney, by some, would become a symbol of perfection. I listened to people, fans or just happen to be standing their, state there professed love for her, I listened to them talk of her as if she was perfection. I listen to then shaking my head in wonderment and asking myself “How can they sit there and talk about her as if she had nothing to do with her own death.” Whitney had a problem, she was a drug user, she use to be a crack addict, as far as we know she was not using it anymore. But years of abuse has its residual effects on the body. We do know she was found with prescription drugs and alcohol in her system. But as of this posting, we do not know if that was the cause of her death. And I will not even venture to guess, to me that is as wrong as all who make her out to be a saint. Whitney is dead, this much we know, Whitney was, and possible was at the time of her death, a drug user and Whitney was a talent that we only see every so often on this earth.

Third Point

As the news unfolded, and more stars had the opportunity to make sure there voice and face was seen and heard on TV over Whitney’s death, I heard more than once, “Whitney is in heaven now”… This statement, as well-meaning as it is, has always bothered me. As a Catholic, I do not believe we know the fait of anyone, not even ourselves. As a Catholic I do not believe that we know the heart of anyone, so I do not know what was in Whitney’s heart at the time of her death, so I do not know if she was in the good Graces of God or not. Only Whitney and God know that. So for me, a humble, fallen, Human to  state that anyone is in heaven is very presumptions. As a Catholic, I do not believe in the once saved always saved theology. to me that just opens the door to , I can do as I please, because I am saved. As a Catholic, if I had to venture a guess as to Whitney’s current state, it would have to be that she, if God wills it, is in Purgatory, not heaven. Where she can purify herself and make ready for the glory that is heaven. Do I know this, absolutely not, do I pray for this for he, absolutely.

Fourth Point

Whitney was a mother, a sister and a daughter, she was loved as such. But she was also a talented singer and entertainer who has millions of fans. But like all of us, she was lost and searching, she was a fallen creation, searching for Gods love and compassion. And sadly she turned to drugs to find it. We all have faults, none of us are perfect. I do not know if Whitney is in Heaven or Hell, but this I do know. To deny the existence of Hell is dangerous, and to deny. The Evil One exist and he greatest lie is this, “Hell does not exist”. I do not know what has become of Whitney’s soul, nor would I venture to guess. But this I do know, only God and Whitney know if she is at peace or not.

God Bless

Paul Sposite

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• Whitney Houston’s Death: Isn’t It Time to Stop Blaming Bobby Brown? (celebs.gather.com)
• Bobby Brown ‘Deeply Saddened’ by Whitney Houston’s Death — Video (theboombox.com)
• OP-ED: Is Whitney Houston in heaven or hell? (hipsterrunoff.com)
• Whitney Houston’s Doctors Interviewed Over Prescriptions (perezhilton.com)
• Whitney Houston Cause of Death: Doctors Investigated over Pills (celebs.gather.com)
• Watch: Shakira’s Close Call With a Sea Lion (abcnews.go.com)
• Bobby Brown’s Emotional Reaction To Whitney Houston’s Death (now1031.radio.com)
• Bobby Brown’s Emotional Reaction To Whitney Houston’s Death (thenewx1023.radio.com)
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How Do You Teach People Values When They Are Raised in a Secular World?

Hate him or love him, this is a great discussion… This is a conversation we, as a community, as a nation, as adults, need to have more often. This should be our number 1 concern. Want to know what tomorrow will be like, look at our youth…

I hope you enjoy…

 

Beck Asks Panel: How Do You Teach People Values When They Are Raised in a Secular World?

It is a question that many of us have likely asked: How do you instill values in people — especially young people — when they are raised in an ever-increasingly secular world?

David Horowitz, Pastor Geronimo Aguilar and other faith-leaders joined Glenn Beck on Wednesday evening to discuss this very topic.

Citing the “domino effect” that has arisen since faith has come under fire, the panel delved into issues such as single-parent homes, the contributions of faith-keepers versus secularists, and the somewhat recent creation of the “underclass.”

Horowitz explained that “accountability” and “responsibility” — as core tenets of faith — gives one the power to change their lives for the better, thus reversing self-destructive behaviors. He also explained that the underclass is only a recent development dating back to the 1960′s and the Great Society, reminding that before those days there was the “working poor” who were able to advance themselves gradually throughout life.

“Now people are addicted to dependency,” Horowitz said.

Glenn led the engaging panel through a discussion of statistics, with one panelist adding that a few short decades ago, “75 percent of black children were born to two parents” and that one study suggested “90 percent” of all violent crimes were perpetrated by adults or teens who came from a one-parent home. Glenn reminded that splitting up families is a common tactic of those who seek to oppress.

Watch this fascinating discussion and weigh in below with your thoughts:

(Video)

God Bless

Paul Sposite

Guided Insight Life Coach

 

Questions of Force and Faith

The death of 15-year-old Jaime Gonzalez has shaken this neighborhood along the U.S.-Mexico border, where parents already burdened by economic woes and street gangs are now faced with explaining the tragedy to their children.

Making it especially hard: It remains unclear to his parents and investigators why Jaime — a drum major who danced in his church’s annual religious festival, stayed out of gangs and had two parents who closely watched him — could swerve off course and bring a weapon to school. The weapon, police later determined, was a pellet gun. (link)

Reading this article makes me think about many things. The sadness the parents and friends must feel, the questions it opens and the wounds that will never heal. It makes me think about the questioning and second guessing the officers must be going thru, did we have to shoot to kill, did we do the right thing. It makes me wounded what was going on in the head of this young man, whom, by all reports I have read, seems like a normal 15 year old, staying clean and out of trouble.

It’s a sad story, and I truly feel for the parents and all involved, I pray for the young mans soul, and that God will have mercy on him.  But I feel that there is more to the story, that we are missing something…. I’m not say he was not a good boy, or that that parents were not good parents, but there is something missing…

I would have to say that most likely what was missing was community, safety and security with in the community. we all have hear that is take a village to raise a child, and its true. Think about it, we spend more time outside of the family than we do in it, as a school aged young man, he spent more hours away from home than in the home. Be it at the school or hanging out with friends. And that is as it should be, that is how a young man becomes a man. But the dynamics of that “village” plays a roll, a very big roll…

The village is not a physical location as much as it is a concept. The boundaries of the village grow and the youth grows, as a 8 year old, his village most likely was school and home, maybe daycare. His friends were local and his parents had more control over who he played with and not. As he grew, so did his village, as a 15 year old his village would now include more physical space, able to go more places and hang with more types of people. His school becomes just one of many places with in the village. And his parents influence is, to some degree, less than the influence of his friends. And all this is as it should be, the process of growing up, and becoming a young man.

It is this force that helps shape the boy into a man, and by all accounts it seemed to be doing a fine job. So what happen, what made this young man bring a gun, all-be-it a harmless gun, but still a gun, to school. What possessed him to run thru the halls, refusing to put it down? All questions we will never know the answer to. Sad… Very sad…

But now this is were faith comes in, the parents must have faith that they did the best they could, that they did not let there son down, and faith that God, in HIs own way, will make it all clear to them. But we must also examine the village, and see were, if any, safety nets may have failed. Was there a sign that was over looked, was he crying for help, but know one noticed, or cared to take action. Just questions…

God Bless

Paul W Sposite

Related articles

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• Texas Police Kill 15-Year-Old Carrying Pellet Gun – NPR (npr.org)
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• Cops shoot and kill 8th grader brandishing a pellet gun in middle school hallway (examiner.com)
• Texas police kill student carrying pellet gun – CBC.ca (cbc.ca)

 

The Lost week

It has been sometime between blog posting, it’s not that I haven’t wanted to sit down and post, I have. In fact several times I have sat down to do just that, write a blog and post it. Yet when I sat own it seemed I had nothing to say. So I would sit there for a few moments and stare at the monitor than exit the program and get up and walk away. I must not have had any real ideas, because if I did I would have posted them.

Well with Christmas Day behind us and the New Year looming ahead of us, we as a people, are in a transition phase. It funny really how this one week between almost feels like a lost week of sorts. As for me, I am off of work this week, as I was last week. My decorations are still up my house is clean and I have a new book to read, Being George Washington: The Indispensable Man, as You’ve Never Seen Him, by Glenn Beck along with several free books I download to my iPad. So I am sure this week will be filled with reading and old movies. This weekend I will take down the Decorations and ring in the New Year by sitting at home enjoying my last days of vacation.

This lost week, as I called it in the above paragraph, is just that. Stories of the Year in Review are everywhere, yet the year is not even over yet, it’s as if this week is outside of time, that there are only 51 weeks in a year, and one week of transition into the new year. We hear people saying things like, “I’ll start my diet next week, after the New Year” or “In the New Year we will clean out our closets” As if this week does not exist. I am guilty of this myself. I need to get back to working out, yet I keep putting it off, until the New Year, I need to quit smoking, yet again I tell myself, in the New Year.

Why Wait?

Why do we put it off, why do we wait that extra 7 days? Because we really don’t want to do what ever it is we are putting off, we use the “holiday” as an excuse. Than after the “holiday” we will find other excuses. So I have decided that I am going to work out today, I am going to start it back up, before the New Year, I am going to use this Lost Week to find the courage and strength to improve myself, to reach for the goals I have set for myself each and every New Year:

• Get into shade
• Quit Smoking
• Lose Weight
• Make time for Friends

The list is larger but I am finding that if I make to many goals, I achieve none, so I will stick to that.  With each day that passes it will get harder and harder to achieve the goals, so the Lost Week is only going to make it harder come the New Year. So I have decided to find that week, and make it productive.

They say it takes 21 days to form a habit, that may be true, but to me it seems to only work on bad habits. I was working out 3 times per-week for 4 months, yet I was able to break that habit with no problem. I have stopped smoking for 2 months at a time, yet I seem to be able to start-up again with no problem.

Life changes are hard to make, hard to commit to and even harder to keep. We are creatures of habit, and it seems our habits are life long. I have never talked to an ex-smoker who does not miss smoking. Like any other life changing event, it takes time and dedication to achieve. As a life coach I understand the issues that come with life changes. I have gone through many in my life, from the death of my parents to wanting to quit smoking. Each event has its own rhyme and reasons, its own ebb and flow. Yet each even shares some very basic characteristics. Each event involves some sort of personal resolve.

With the death of a parent, or any loved one, our lives are forever altered, we never “get over it” it never “gets better” it just gets “Different”. We change is some way, we become something different. For some the change is profound, for others it is subdued, but a change does take place. The same can be said for people who quit smoking, they never “get over smoking” and it never “gets easer” it just gets “different”. And like the death of a parent or loved one, the change is different for each of us, but a change does take place.

It seems to me that it is how we choose to deal with it, how we choose to approach it. With the death of my Dad, I learned a life lesson, simple yet very profound, “Life is too short”. That was it, but to me it was life changing. My dad died to young, and he left a family, including my mother, and I am sure he had unfinished business to attend to. Yet in his death I learned that valuable life lesson, Life is to short. I also saw who were his true friends and the impact his life had on others. Yes I mourned his death, yes I felt and still feel a hole in my heart, but I also learned. The death of my mother taught me how to die. And in teaching me how to die, she taught me how to live. Her faith was strong and her love was even stronger. She never lost sight of her family or her sense of humor and she never took her eyes off the love of the Cross. As with my dad, my mom died far to young, but as with my dad, in her death she continued to teach me, to protect and nurture me.

My experience with the death of my parents has changed me, altered my life, hopefully for the better. Yet not all people can claim positive experiences from death, many people allow death to change there lives not for the better, but for the worst. They dwell upon it, relive each and every moment… Creating an environment of death, one devoid of life, shutting life out. I can not answer why some people do this, why they would choose this (yes I believe everything we do comes down to being a choice).

What does all this have to do with the Lost Week, lots…

This week between Christmas and New Years, this lost week that we seem to use as just an excuse not to achieve our goals is a perfect time to make a choice, how are we going to deal with ______(fill in the blank)____, what am I going to do, how and I going to react, what in my life is going to change for the better… I made decisions when my parents died, I decided I would use their deaths as a lesson, a time to learn, a time to take their love and life and use it as a gift from them to me, to better my life. Well I can look at my goals in the same way, I can look at working out as a lesson, a gift of love, from myself to me, I can look at quitting smoking as a life lesson, “don’t follow the cool kids” or “Be yourself”…

Life is all about choices, we just need to learn to make smarter ones…

God Bless

Paul

Related articles

• How to Make Your Quit-Smoking Resolution Stick (nlm.nih.gov)
• Smoking Cessation (cdc.gov)

 

Doctor Death is dead…

Image via Wikipedia

Over the weekend we had a death of a celebrity in the Detroit area. He is well known through out the country, and I am sure, the world. Dr. Jack Kevorkian, or Doctor Death, as he is known. Although the death of anyone is sad, the loss of human life is always sad, I am not sure I can gander-up any real emotions for the man. Sure, I know he had friends who are sad, and family, but for me, well… I just can’t seem to feel one way or the other. (read here)

On the local news the mood was somber, at best. The accolades were for an important diplomat or humanitarian. Sure, sure, I know, some consider Doctor Death to be a humanitarian, I for one do not. He killed people, plain and simple! I mean no disrespect, and I pray to God to have mercy on his soul. But the fact is, he killed, he was a killer.

As a pro-life conservative Catholic, abortion and euthanasia are one in the same, it is the taking of human life before its natural time. God can only create and take life.  Sure, we humans help out all the time, wars, murder, drugs and all the rest. But the natural end of life is up to God, not Doctor Death, or anyone else.

Yes it is hard to watch someone suffer, I know, I have watched both of my parents suffer until they passed on, but that is part of life. I would not change a thing about it, at each of there bedsides I learned life lessons that I would not have gained anywhere else. Lessons that have helped to shape me into the man I currently am. Sure, I wish they never had cancer, and sure I wish they never suffered. But wishes are only for the fool hearted. I prayed that they did not suffer, but if they had to, that it was all for the glory of God. And in the end, well, in the end they suffered little, and I was granted a miracle. I was able to experience the power and glory of the Holy Spirit at work, both in me and my parents. If they would have taken the easy way out, used Doctor death, they would have never and I would have never had the opportunity to experience God in that moment.

I know some will say that that’s just my imagination at work, trying to deal with a difficult time in my life. Maybe, but I think not. But I do know that I was never closer to my parents than at the time of there suffering, seeing the resolve to not show it, the ever present parenting they held on to. The need to protect us, there children, from the suffering they were dealing with. Never once did they complained or show outward signs that they were in pain. Instead they were smiling and telling jokes until the end. I am thankful for this, and I am blessed. My memories of them will always be  one of fighters and happy. Doctor Jack could never offer me or my parents that.

So Doctor Jack is dead… I hope his family and friends have memories of his last few days that are filled with the grace of God… I know I d0…

God Bless

Paul

Related articles

• ‘Doctor Death’ Jack Kevorkian is Dead at 84 (towleroad.com)
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Thanksgiving

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Thanksgiving, an American holiday… Yes I know Canada has thanksgiving also, but I am talking about the American Thanksgiving, our Holiday, our day to give thanks. In todays politically correct world I am shocked that someone has not mandated that we change the name from Thanksgiving to something like, I am Sorry Day or Apology Day. Based on what the schools are teaching, the white Europeans came to this utopia and killed everyone off. That this land was a paradise, the native Americans lived in harmony with each other and the land. In fact many think the movie “Avatar” represents the struggle of the native Indians. This is not completely true, the native Americans, like Europeans, had many diverse nations with in America, some peaceful others not so much.

The first settlers of America from Europe came to the shores of this great land to find freedom, they came to carve out a new life in the wilderness, to establish a life for themselves. No it was not always a peaceful co-existence between the natives and the pilgrims, yes killing took place, on both sides. What we have to understand and take into consideration is the times this took place in. the mindset of the collective world. We cannot hold the past responsible for actions taken them based on morals and standards of today. Times were different, and the native Americans and the Pilgrims and other Europeans reacted based on standards and norms of the day. 

This is one of the main faults of the political correct movement, the norms of a society change, yet we feel that todays norms, the norms of 2010 should be applied to all times. Books such as ‘Huck Finn” are being banned based on todays political correct mindset, generations of youth will never know the genius of Mark Twain. History books are being re-write to fit into the political correct world, and leaving the facts to fall into the political correct obis. Sure, we as a Nation have made mistakes, as have every Nation, including the Native American Indian Nations. No Nation is perfect, but we also have made many positive contributions to the world, he have fostered peace among Nations and Peoples. We have established a democracy that is the envy of the world and we have created a Nation where all have a say and all are equal. Yes we have a long way to go, but we also have come a long way.

This Thanksgiving, give thanks for all that we, as a Nation, are thankful for, give thanks for the freedoms our fathers, mothers, brothers and sisters have fought for, give thanks for the freedom to disagree with this post and the freedom to express your own feelings.

Happy Thanksgiving and God Bless

Paul

Related articles

• Tim Giago: A Day To Give Thanks Is Part Of Native American Tradition (huffingtonpost.com)
• The Two Stories of Thanksgiving 2010 (culturalhealth.blogspot.com)
• Big Government Not Invited to Thanksgiving Feast: Caroline Baum (businessweek.com)
• The American Thanksgiving Day (socyberty.com)
• What Really Happened? Comparing Stories of the First Thanksgiving (learning.blogs.nytimes.com)
• “Pilgrims and Native Americans In One Family’s Tree” and related posts (genealogy.families.com)
• Mark Twain: not an American but the American | Sarah Churchwell (guardian.co.uk)
• Autobiography of Mark Twain: Vol I: review (telegraph.co.uk)
• “The Catholic Origins of Thanksgiving!” and related posts (cantuar.blogspot.com)
• An American Thanksgiving, Skewered and Roasted (opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com)

 

Lots to be thankful for

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Thanksgiving is upon us, a time for the nation to stop and reflect upon what we are thankful for. And for some it may be hard to find things to be thankful for, the past few years have been extremely tuff for many. Living in Michigan, I have seen the hard times, and even though I personally have not experienced it like others have, it has touched my family. My sister was out of work for two years, that’s hard times.

But there are still a few things that we all can be thankful for:

• A loving God
• A Nation founded on freedom
• Family (by blood or by your own making)
• Mothers who make hot coco on cold winter days
• Fathers who toss the football
• Brothers who get on your nerves
• Boss’s who demand to much
• Sisters who pester you 
• Friendship
• A freely elected government
• The ability to disagree with loved ones and others
• The genus of the Founding Fathers and the Constitution

 

Sing it Bing!

Thanksgiving is a time to remember all we have, to remember all who have to go with out. We all have something to be thankful for, as Americans we have more than most in the world. So this Thanksgiving around the dinner table, take time to give thanks for all your blessings.

 

Got to love that Bing!

 

I for one am thankful for the voice of Bing, my family and all who love me and all whom I love and for a country were my vote counts and in two years time I can vote once again.

God Bless

Paul

Related articles

• 10 Reasons I’m Thankful To Be Single This Thanksgiving (thefrisky.com)
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• {QOTW} What Are You Thankful For? (csahm.com)