A friend of mine was texting me the other night with issues she was having with her daughter, Mothers Day had come and passed and all she received from her daughter was a text stating Happy Mothers Day. Shallow and cold, I will admit, but not unexpected. The relationship between them has always been a bit strained. Even as a young child, the daughter is now in her 20’s, she was a self-centered child. Looking to always serve her own interest. The blame, as always, lies between the parents and the personality of the child.
Her parents are divorced, I do not know the father, but know the mother well. She holds on to the divorce live a badge, she will not let it go, never have and most likely never will. She is bitter and hurt. For what I do not know, for I only know one side of the story. And as we all know, one side of a two-sided story is never enough. What I do know is the deep roots this divorce has caused. I have known the mother for over 15 years, at one time we dated, and we have remained friends after the break-up. Her lack of ability to let it go causes much pain in her and those around her, this, of course, cause issues with-in the family unit. From what I can tell, based on what I have been told by the mother and the kids, she has two, a boy and girl, the father is not very concerned with rules. He is laid back and not very concerned with structure. Is that the case, I do not know, like I said I have never had the change to meet him. But it is the narrative played out in the kids and mother.
The mother, she is controlling and likes structure, she is deeply emotional and likes lots of affirmations, one could say she is needy. Is she a bad person, no, I think she has a big heart and means well, but I do think she has a difficult time defining love, to me it seems she places a tangible value on love and fails to see love as intangible. She needs to “see” love, the feeling is not enough.
Sure, I will be the first to admit Love is many things, tangible and intangible, but I will also be the first to admit that Love is not one thing, it’s not seeing over feeling, and Love does not always show it self in the ways we would expect. Sometimes the smallest of acts, a smile at just the right moment, says Love more than the words could ever do, Sometimes, but not Always…
Sometimes that same smile can be spiteful and hurtful… Love is…. What is it?
The bible offers us many passages about love, but the one that came to mind when I was talking to my friend, trying to help her through the latest issue with her daughter was this…
John 15:13
13 Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.
New American Standard Bible (NASB)
Why this passage of all passages… The Holy Spirit works in odd ways, let me tell you….
Some back ground of the conversations:
As I said, the daughter text her “Happy Mothers Day” her son, who is in Mexico as part of his seminarian training, called her and talked for 2 hours. A drastic difference, but the two kids are as different as night and day, so not unexpected. But back to the issue at hand.
She asked me what I thought of it all, my response, What did you expect from her. Her response, Love. This conversation went on for about 45 minutes (by the way, I hate texting).
She asked for my advice on what she should do, my advice, same as it has been for a few years now, Stop expecting what she will not provide you. Her response, What, I should not expect my daughters love.
Not exactly what I was talking about, I explained that she loves you, but you will never get the response you want, and if you keep setting yourself up for disappointment, that’s what you will always get.
Still no go, her questions, Is it so wrong for a mother to want her child’s love. My response, No, it’s not wrong, but you cannot force anyone to love you in the way you want or need. Love does not force, it does not control and it is not needy. She did not really like that response from me. Sometimes the truth hurts.
But she knows me well, and she knows I always speak my mind and tell it as I see it. No harm was intended and I am sure no harm was done. So she asked for clarification.
My clarifications, We have to learn to accept the love that is offered, not try to change the love to be what we want. This did not help. She still felt that love was a tangible thing.
Her plan of action
The daughter’s birthday is next month, so her plan is to give her daughter a photo of the three of them, the mother and the two kids. Sounds nice, unless you know the daughter, and I do… She will reject this, not because she hates her brother and not because she hates her mother, but she will reject it out of spite. Just to retain the control over her mother. The more she rejects her mom, the more control she has over her. Her mothers need for tangible love is strong, and her mothers need to control is strong (she is a passive aggressive controller).So the rejection of the photo would only lead to the mother feeling hurt and trying to figure out what she can do to earn her daughters love. This, of course, gives the daughter all the power, and the mother none.
My response to the planed gift, Not a good idea. Do not play into her hands. So what than should I do, was her next question.. Text her, Happy Birthday, and offer her a dinner. Leave it at that… She was not happy with that recommendation. Her concern, if the daughter rejects the dinner invite, that would hurt more, and she really wants to give the photo and birthday card.
The real concern, she wants to gain the upper hand, to have control, to tug at her daughter’s heart-strings, and she thinks the family photo will do the trick.
But she is missing the point, the text and dinner offer gives her the control, the daughter would not expect the same treatment she gives her mother. Now some would say I was being childish, but I beg to differ. The response is not meant to hurt, but to level the playing field, to stop setting oneself up for one disappointment after another, to start to accept the kind of love the daughter was offering and to learn that sometimes we must let go.
So this is the point where I offered my bible verse:
13 Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.
The point of the passage was missed on her. But it was too late at night for me to get in to is, so I told her to think on it. She asked me to send her an email explaining it to her, so this post is my response (I will only send her the part concerning the passage, all the above back ground information is for us only…Unless she reads this blog…)
Why did that passage pop into me head as a good passage to use? What was the Holy Spirit leading me to? And how do I explain it? Well here I will try:
When most people read that passage, the first think that comes to mind is Jesus upon the cross, offering up His life for our sins. Offering it up freely… WOW, that is true love and friendship. So most of us think of it as the ultimate act of sacrifice for love and friendship, to offer ones life, and it is, if it is not takes to lightly. We read stories and see it on the news, people placing themselves in danger for a child or a loved one, we even see it being done for total strangers (think Boston Marathon bombing).
The gift of life should never be taken lightly and should never be given lightly. But is that the only way one can lay down ones life for a friend? I think not!
*Parents lay down their life for their children on a daily basis. Not always by risking death, sometimes it is by stand by their child through a sickness or by supporting a child through hard times. The love of a parent knows no bounds. The parent knows that rejection of the love is always a possibility, but it is offered anyway, parents know a child my do something that may go beyond anything they may have ever dreamed their child was capable of (think school shootings), but even than a parent will stand by their child. They may not approve of the child’s actions, they may even be the ones to turn them in to the authorities, but there love for that child does not falter. They are willing to take the mean words offered to them by others who do not understand, that will defend their child even if it means they to are persecuted. This is a death they are willing to undertake for their child. Not a physical death, but yet, it is still a death.
Consider a parent of an addict, they offer help and forgiveness to their child, they take them in and support them, only to have the addiction take over their child, yet again. But they continue to support and make excuse for the child, to shelter them from the crudeness of the world. Thinking that they are helping the child, suffering with the child, only to see the child falter again. This is not laying down ones life, it is protection of ones own life. The child needs to learn how to fail, so they can learn how not to fail. For the parent this means to let the child fail, and in doing so, they to will feel the failures the disappointments and resentment of and from the child. This is a death, but like the death of Jesus, there is a resurrection, a new life.
The new life comes from the child’s understanding that actions have consequences, that the addiction causes pain. But if the parent kept sheltering the child, the pain is always shifted to the parent, the child takes no responsibility for their actions. But by the parent allowing the child to feel the failure the parent is also allowing the child to grow to learn and to experience a new life. And the parent is also allowed to grow, to learn and to experience a new life. This most likely will not happen in tandem with each other, the parent may experience the new life before the child even realizes what has just happened, or the parent may take years to come to terms with the fact that they allowed their child to fail. But in the end, Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends… And a life can be laid down in many ways.
* The examples are given to illustrate a point, I am not implying that this is always the case. And before anyone starts yelling at me about the addiction example, yes I do understand additions, yes, I know what I am talking about… But remember, it was an example, not a real life situation, so deal with it…
The other day I attended an meeting at my Church, they have decided it was time to make some much needed changed to the religious education of the middle school youth program. It was time to re-evaluate how they approached the faith formation of youth, what books to use, if any, what grades will be changed and how do we change it… All questions that need answers, along with a million others.
The process of change is hard, as everyone knows, no one likes change, and God knows the Catholic Church does not come to change easily, this is true for the local parish as much as for the Vatican. Change with in the Church is a slow moving process, and for the most part I thing that is a good thing. The Church is not an institution that should change with every new fad in faith. Her traditions and teachings must remain constant, the stability of the Church is one of her strong points. But sometimes even the most simplest of changes take time. Lets face it, the Church moves slow.
Well, back the the meeting, my parish has decided that change is needed, that we must approach the youth is a format and fashion that appeals to them, and I’m sorry, most of what is currently offered as “religious formation” is nothing but memorization of religious facts. Really, facts = faith? Knowing the prayers of the faith is important, memorizing bible passages is important, but does that make one faithful?
Lets look at it in a different light…
Learning math, 2+2=4, does not make me a mathematician, it makes me able to add, subtract and do the simple math needed to navigate life. It also introduces me to math, allowing me to explore it more deeply, if I choose, and maybe I will become a mathematician latter in life. If not no harm, I now know how to add 2+2.
So, as a math teacher (I am not one) my job would not be to create mathematicians but rather to foster the desire to become one. I teach the basics and leave the rest up to the individual.
Much is the same with most things taught, The object of teaching is to pass on the knowledge, not to create new experts.
The exception to the rule…
Once a path has been chosen, such as Doctor, than the object become creating a new expert. So far I would assume that most would agree with me, education, in is simplest form is to pass on needed information, not to create new experts.
Object or Action
I look at it like this, The object of Faith Formation is not to create new Theologians or Priest, but rather to foster the desire to grow more deeply in the faith. Another way to look at it, Are we creating Theologians or Catholics?
Theologian is an object, a noun
Catholic is an action, a verb
The point of faith formation is not to create nouns but to foster verbs.
I would rather see the youth excited about the faith than to see them recite a prayer, yet have no attachment to the faith. With the basics of the faith instilled in them in a new and exciting way we will be creating a new generation of dynamic Catholics, Catholics that are on fire for knowledge, and some will become the new Theologians and Priest and others will be the new laity, the laity that is involved in parish life, that look at the parish as part of, not separated from, the family dynamics.
What will happen at my local parish, will we see the change that needs to come, or will continue to look at faith formation in the same old way? Only time will tell, but with the grace of God and the working of the Holy Sprit we just may…
…shared mostly so you can understand where I am coming from, even if you disagree with me.
It is 11:47 pm right now and I should be sleeping. I should be sleeping but I am unable to. One hour ago, it appeared that the current president was going to win his bid for re-election. One hour ago, I walked into our family room and asked my husband to come join me in our room and hold me until I fell asleep. He fell asleep firs…(typical) I asked him to come hold me because I am scared. Here is the thing, I know I have a lot of friends who voted for ‘the other guy’ and I know that tonight is a night of celebration for you. I know you will be happy and think that you have reached a level of success. I know you are certain that something better has happened for our country. I know you are confident that you can believe in the change that you are striving for. And finally, I know that you don’t quite know why people like me are so scared. I thought I would let you know why. Because here is the thing, understanding where the ‘other’ is coming from is a good thing. I want to help you understand…. (To Keep reading, select here)
Hello darkness, my old friend I’ve come to talk with you again Because a vision softly creeping Left its seeds while I was sleeping And the vision that was planted in my brain Still remains Within the sound of silence
The song has an quality to it that makes it seem kind of dark, almost eerie feeling. Some would consider it a depressing song, a song with no hope. But I hear it differently, I hear it as a song of inner peace, a song searching for the meaning of self, the meaning of life, to me it is a song of becoming.
In todays world of connectedness, Wi-Fi and smart phones, we are never to far from being connected to someone or something. In fact we are frightened of being non-connected, of being off the grid as it were. Silence is the “monster under the bed” of many, they fear it, but have no rational reason to do so.
Recently I took a vacation to Koln Germany, I brought my iPad and smart phone, the iPad for reading and checking up on my home via Facebook and the smart phone, just incase I needed to call home. The phone was on, but never used, in-fact a few times it lost its charge, the iPad, well it was on daily, to read the news of the day and to check in on the doings of the two young lads who were watching over my home and pets, and to read. My postings to my Twitter (@paulsposite) and Facebook were at a stand still, and my blogging was put on the back burner. The sound of silence was welcomed, and was filled with real conversations with real people.
Wait, how can I say that, how can the silence be filled with conversation? What do I mean? What the hell am I talking about?
Silence comes in many different flavors, there is, of course, the traditional silence, no sound at all, just the nothingness that surrounds you. This silence is very useful, allowing you to become fully aware of yourself and your surroundings. I have talked about this kind of silence before, the need for it in our lives, even if its just 15 minutes per day, a time to reset and replenish your energy. I have spoken about how Jesus used this time time of silence to hear His Fathers commands and how we need to do the same. But this is not the silence I am referring to today, today I am referring to the digital silence, the silence of electronics. The need to replace the buzz of phones and instant messaging with the hum of humanity.
The world we are living in, is a world of connections, we are connected to each other in ways we have never seen. We have Facebook friends and Twitter alliances, we instant message each other on our way to be with each other and than continue to message others why we are with each other. We are fearful of being disconnected, we are fearful that we will miss out, we are fearful of the silence of technology.
I love technology, and use it daily, I live on my iPad, I like keeping up with my friends and family and reading the latest news events as they happen, but I also love the down time, the time for me to just sit and be still. When I first got my iPad I was on it every waking hour, posting every news article I read, and every quote I heard. I felt connected, I felt as if I was contributing to the massive world discussion of politics and current events. I still do post, more than some but less than others, but I have cut back, I have learned lessons and I have become friends with silence once more. Now most nights I post a few things, but for the most part my iPad is closed and away from me. Why the change, why did I give it up, if it was truly something I enjoyed? Simple, the stacks of magazines, books and other stuff that goes unread, the projects that are delayed and the time for silence that is lost. I was replacing all my enjoyment with one thing, the iPad and the net had become my single place of activity. The books I intended to read have collected dust, the magazines I subscribe to have gone unread and in many cases unopened. The projects I have started around the house are 1/2 finished or barley started and all the great plans I have made are just that, plans but no actions.
Is it the fault of the iPad, Facebook or Twitter, nope, its all mine, I allowed them to fill up the silence, I allowed them to take over and become my anti-silence. There is a time and a place for Facebook and Twitter, the iPad offers me many great opportunities to be silent, I have many great books downloaded that I could be reading, I have the ability to work on some of the projects I have started or want to start, its not the fault of technology, but the fault of my use of it.
My To-do list is long, but my actions are short. My personal silent time was lacking, but this is changing. My time in Germany, on my vacation, allowed me to once again remember the quality time I had when I had the time for silence. I remembered that the iPad does not own me, but I own it, I remembered that there is an On and Off switch on it, that if it can be turned on, it can also be turned off. I like that… I think it’s a lesson most of us need to learn, that what can be turned on, The TV, the Radio, the Computer or iPad, MP3 player, all it can also be turned off. The book that is closed can be opened, the magazine that sits there can be picked up. The walk you have been talking about can become reality and the quiet evening spent with good friends over a glass of wine can happen with out the smart phones. Life can exist with out being connected, life did before Wi-Fi and it can do so once again.
We need to re-learn that missing a phone call will not end our life, that not posting our current global position every 15 minutes will not cause the earth to spin off its axis and that our Facebook friends do not really need to know what we are eating or reading or watching every moment of the day. We need to understand that Twitter will still be Twittering with out our little comments and life will go on with or without our input.
The lesson will be hard, we have become so use to posting and tweeting that it almost seems second nature. But life will go on, technology is not the essence of life, this is a hard, true fact.
We need to remember that Wi-Fi cannot replace Face to Face, that Facebook is not the same as “Lets do dinner” and that a tweet is not the same as conversations over a glass of beer. Each have there time and purpose, but one cannot, and should not, replace the other. Reading a good book, be it paper or electronic cannot be replaced by reading the tweets of some celebrity you decided to stalk, and video chatting with your loved ones is not the same as dinner and a movie.
With the Christmas season upon us, maybe we should consider this. Maybe this year when we are buying all our gifts, maybe we could venture out of the electronics department and look in the old fashion game department, you know the ones were you have to sit face to face to play, were you have plastic game pieces and paper money. Or maybe this year when you are planning your Christmas party you could make it a mandatory Electronics Free Zone Party. No Phones, smart or otherwise, no iPads or other Wi-Fi connected devices. Maybe even have a few board games and deck of cards out, maybe you can even communicate directly to each other, you know face to face.. Just a thought….
Look for the opportunities to become electronic free, look for times you can be “Off the Grid” and enjoy the silence of no electronics in your life. Rediscover live that is Twitter free, learn to live a life of no Facebook, even if its for just a few hours per day, make rules for when the smart phones must become silent, establish a time with all OFF buttons must be in use. It can be done, my friends in Germany, they do something very radical, they turn off the power to there modem when they are done using the computer… They disconnect from the grid, and they survived! We can do it, I know we can, besides the benefit of not being connected to the web, you will also save energy… It’s a big step, and I admit, I am not there yet, but I am thinking about it. If I did do that, if I did turn the power off to my modem, not only would I not be able to surf the web, post my amazing input to Facebook, but I would also not be able to watch TV. My TV is run through my computer, I cut the cord and dished the dish years ago. The lack of internet would also turn my iPad into a very expensive e-reader and my books and magazines would become more accessible.
Now its true, its not very hard to turn it back on, but the process takes time, I would have to reboot the computer, log in and make sure all the programs are running that need to be running for my TV to work, to the time it takes would be a deterrent to just turning the TV on because I can. Its something to consider.
I was born and raised in a home that thought respect was a good thing, that children showed respect to their elders, at all times, regardless of what the child thought of them.
I was raised in a home where manners was a requirement to eat at the dinner table, for everyone, guest included.
I was raised in a home were we, the children, understood that the adults had more privileges than us, that they, the adults, earned it, and we had not.
I was raised in a home were No meant No, where crying, pouting and other such behavior only made things worse.
I was raised in a home were good grades were expected, not rewarded and bad grades were punished not excused.
I was raised in a home with one TV that my mom and dad controlled, and we, the kids were privileged to use it, and that privilege could be taken away at anytime.
I was raised in a home were the car was something you asked permission to borrow, unless you bought your own, and even than the privilege to drive that car, or any other car could be striped away.
I was raised in a home were the parents were the parents, not the best friends, were the law of the land was at the discretion on said parents, not up for discussion. The parents ran the household, not the children, the parents enforced the rules, not the child and the parent had first, second and last say in all matters concerning my upbringing until I moved out of the house.
I was raised in a loving home with two parents who fought and argued and sometimes made mistakes. They sometimes punished when it was not fair they sometimes refused to understand my side and they sometimes just had not time for my little boy concerns, they had adult concerns. They had the bills to pay and the other 4 siblings to look after. They had the car repairs to look after and the groceries to buy. Sometimes my major life event was just to hard for them to see or understand.
I was raised in a home were sometimes my parents forgave me to quickly or overlooked my faults, were sometimes they put aside their concerns for the bills and food, just to spend time with me on the floor playing or going for a walk in the snow. Sometimes they saw no one but me.
I was raised in a home with understanding and misunderstanding under the same roof, were pride and disappointment could be seen side-by-side and were love was found in the smile of my frustrated parents.
I was raised in a home were the problems of the house hold, the adult problems, were not shared, the burden was not unloaded upon my shoulders, were the concerns of finding the money was never mine. Were the house payment or loss of a job was dealt with in the wee hours of the night, with the children sleeping soundly.
I was raised in a home were childhood was nurtured and allowed to grow, were Santa existed and the back yard was window into the world of imagination.
My parents were not perfect, I was not perfect nor were my brothers and sisters, we were, simply put, a family learning how to live and grow with each other. I grew up knowing that I will not get everything I ask for, everything I want, but I will always have everything I need. The latest pair sneakers were a want, not a need, and I learned this lesson early in life. Were the lessons always painless, no, sometimes my little mind could not grasp the value at hand, what did I know of house payments or layoffs, this was not my concern as a child, it was the concern of my parents and there friends. Hard or easy, the lesson was there, and I am sure, more often than not, it was harder for my parents than for me.
This blog was to be about the problem with youth today, all the violence and just plain bad attitude, it was to offer a solution to the problem, to help find creative ways to deal with youth gone wild. The first few I was raised lines were to be lead-ins to the issues facing parents and communities, but like all good blogs, this one has a mind of its own, and turned into a tribute to my childhood, my parents and how I was raised.
Life was not perfect, my dad was laid off a few times from the automotive industry, we struggled to survive and we had our good and bad moments. I remember eating raw potato’s as a snack, I though nothing of it as a kid. I love them, little did I know it was because my parents could not afford the chips and other junk food my friends had. To me, a raw potato with salt was as good, if not better than a bag of chips. I still love them today. My parents didn’t bother us kids with such things, if we did ask such question pertaining to bills or other money concerns we were told, more often than not, that it was none of our concerns. We did not know nor understand the struggles and sacrifices our parents made, I, for I cannot speak for my siblings, never knew we had money concerns I just knew that the shoes I really wanted were too much, so I had to get the off brand ones, and I never had an issue with that, to me they were all the same.
A parents job is to provide and protect, to provide food, shelter and love and to protect us from harm as best they can. There job is not to give us our every want, to shower us with gifts or money, their job is not to treat us like little adults and burden us with adult sized issues. Our shoulders are not broad enough to hold such a load.
I was raised in a home of imperfections and blemishes, were wrong was sometimes right and yes was sometimes no.
I was raised in a home… A home that I am proud to call my own, a home that my parents built, not out of brick and stone, but out of love and concern. Our walls may not have been perfect, the floors may have creaked and yes, sometimes the wind may have blown through the cracks and crevasses. This home was in Detroit and The Irish Hills, it was in Clinton and Ann Arbor, it was in Canton and Westland and now it is with in me. My parents where not perfect and our home was lived in many houses, but it was always home.
We all have created resumes in our life, it includes our education and work experience and sometimes we include the clubs and organizations we belong to. It is a must to get a new job. Our résumé is our foot in the door, it opens up the opportunities to a better job for ourselves. It is our work life history. But is it our history, does it truly represent us?
Leonardo’s résumé
Leonardo sent the following letter to Ludovico Sforza, the ruler of Milan, in 1482:
Most Illustrious Lord: Having now sufficiently seen and considered the proofs of all those who count themselves masters and inventors in the instruments of war, and finding that their invention and use does not differ in any respect from those in common practice, I am emboldened… to put myself in communication with your Excellency, in order to acquaint you with my secrets. I can construct bridges which are very light and strong and very portable with which to pursue and defeat an enemy… I can also make a kind of cannon, which is light and easy of transport, with which to hurl small stones like hail… I can noiselessly construct to any prescribed point subterranean passages — either straight or winding — passing if necessary under trenches or a river… I can make armored wagons carrying artillery, which can break through the most serried ranks of the enemy. In time of peace, I believe I can give you as complete satisfaction as anyone else in the construction of buildings, both public and private, and in conducting water from one place to another. I can execute sculpture in bronze, marble or clay. Also, in painting, I can do as much as anyone, whoever he may be. If any of the aforesaid things should seem impossible or impractical to anyone, I offer myself as ready to make a trial of them in your park or in whatever place shall please your Excellency, to whom I commend myself with all possible humility.
Our resumes tell our potential employer all about our work life, who we are, what we have accomplished, normally resumes are short, one to two pages and direct, to the point, leaving out the fluff. How often do you update your résumé, this exercise is in valuable, something that we should do yearly. refresh it, refine it and redefine our work life.
We should be doing the same with our personal life as well, create a Life Resume, listing our accomplishments and our goals, defining ourselves in short and concise statements, leaving out all the fluff. What would your personal Life Resume look like? Would it include lots of personal development or social activities or would it be more traditional education and institutional? Would your Life resume include diverse hobbies or more mundane tasks?
Our life is an ever-changing series of events, we are not the same person today as we were yesterday, our life experiences shape us, change us and help us to grow. By sitting down and creating a Life resume, we will see the changes, see the growth, by organizing our life in to sections, categories, we will learn how we define ourselves.
Life Resume Outline:
Profile:
This heading would include your description of yourself, weight, sex, age, birth date and other vital statistics. Use this section as a starting point, include the current date.
Professional Experience:
In this section include all your work experiences, from paperboy to CEO. List your accomplishments and responsibilities. Include your starting age and ending age.
Life Experience:
In this section include life events, Baptism, Conformation Graduation from High School, Wedding, birth of Children etc.… Any milestone event in your life.
Education:
This section should include only formal education, completed or not completed. Indicate your age at time of completion or age when you took courses
Personal Development:
This section would include seminars, Continuing education courses or just for the fun of it courses offered at your local community centers. Indicate your age at the time of taking
Hobbies:
Include all hobbies from past to present, indicate your age of start and end From stamp collecting to master crafts maker.
Goals:
This section should include all your goals, from a young person up till now. Indicate your age at the time of the goal. Include everything from wanting to be a cowboy to taking over the world.
Achievements:
This section should list all your life achievements, from winning the spelling bee to closing that major deal. Include your age at the time of the achievement.
Completion of the Life resume may take you some time, and in truth, you are never finished with your Life Resume, it is a living breathing document. But the first “draft” should include as much past history as possible. Why include events that have already gone by, to show you how much you have already accomplished. We have done more than we often times give ourselves credit for, Why include your age, to show a progression of thoughts and growth. For example, if I stated that in 1976 I wanted to be a cowboy, I would have to do the math to figure out how old I was and in truth, it seems to far in the past, but stating that when I was 10 I wanted to be a cowboy, the year does not matter, but the age places my goal in the right context. I can clearly see a growth for Cowboy at 10 to owning my own company at 20. Simple is better, the less math I have to do, the better.
Creating and maintaining your Life Resume will help you bring clarity to your life, showing you how you have grown and evolved, and were you may be stuck. You will start to see patterns develop in your life and you will learn to appreciate and celebrate the little life achievements as much as you do the big life achievements.
Make a point to review your Life resume at least once a month, and when you edit it, include the date of edit, create a history of your Life Resume. Never remove information, only add, if information was incorrect, correct it, but leave the incorrect information intact, use Microsoft editing tools, to use the cross-out tool to remove the unwanted information, (example)
Goal: I want to be a cowboy Spy, age 10
Why keep the old or incorrect information, to show your progression, your thought process. As we continue to edit our Life Resume, we will begin to remember facts. As we begin to remember Life facts, we will start to gain a more clear picture of our past, as our past becomes more clear, we may need to correct our facts. And understanding our past, gaining a clearer picture of our past will help us define our future.
Good luck with this project, and I will post mine on this site and on the Guided Insight Life Coach website soon. You may want to consider using a Life Coach to help you create and define your Life Resume, they can help you add clarity to your visions and goals.
In a world that is always on the run, were each moment is scheduled and every activity planned the word rest can seem a bit odd. How often have I heard people so, I have no time for rest, too much to do, too many places to go. It is a common response, sad to say, that people just do not find it very important to find time to rest.
Rest in me, take refuge in my arms, relax and breathe of new life. This is what the Lord is saying to us all, it is a commandment, keep hole the Sabbath, God himself rested on the seventh day and Jesus often found time to go off and rest in His Fathers loving arms. Yes, we cannot seem to find the time. Odd, don’t you think, that the creator of all can find time to rest, yet we cannot.
Jesus often times would go off by Himself to pray, to rest, He understood the importance of quiet time to Himself, time to reenergize his spirit with a little conversation with His Father. Conversation that sometimes meant just being in God’s presence, no words, no actions, just resting in Him.
I have been thinking a lot about resting as of late. Work has been hectic and family life has been a tab bit stressful, and the word “REST” has been calling to me. My mind has been calling up the word tired whenever anyone asks how I am. Tired, just tired. Tired of work, tired of winter, tired of family, tired of being tired.
Rest, relaxation, meditation and contemplation, that is the remedy for tired. Lent offers us the opportunity to “schedule” that into our daily lives. Nightly reading from the bible, quiet prayer time, retreats and other Lenten activities that call us to quiet ourselves and to let the soft voice of God whisper into our hearts. Rest in me and you shall find peace that is what God is whispering to me, what is He whispering to you? Can you stop and rest long enough to hear his words?
Yesterday was a sad day in Detroit, Michigan and Chardon, Ohio. (Select the city to read the stories) Our youth, our children have become murderers. Nothing new you may be saying to yourself, and right you are, Children have been killing each other over silly things since Cain and Abel.
Now Abel kept flocks, and Cain worked the soil. 3 In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the LORD. 4 And Abel also brought an offering—fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock. The LORD looked with favor on Abel and his offering, 5 but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor. So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast.
6 Then the LORD said to Cain, “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? 7 If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.”
8 Now Cain said to his brother Abel, “Let’s go out to the field.”[d] While they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him.
9 Then the LORD said to Cain, “Where is your brother Abel?”
“I don’t know,” he replied. “Am I my brother’s keeper?”
10 The LORD said, “What have you done? Listen! Your brother’s blood cries out to me from the ground. 11 Now you are under a curse and driven from the ground, which opened its mouth to receive your brother’s blood from your hand. 12 When you work the ground, it will no longer yield its crops for you. You will be a restless wanderer on the earth.
Youth, from the start, have been envious of others; it seems to be a part of them. So no, murder is nothing new within society, but something has changed. I am not sure what, but something has.
Yesterday I was thinking about the senseless acts of both the Detroit youths and the Chardon, and I knew I needed to write about it today, to offer something, but what that something is I do not know. My mind goes from one thought to the next, one direction to the other, and it is hard for me to focus on one train of thought. I know this, I know that this has to stop, that we have to find a way to make the madness stop!
The responsibility falls on all of us, the Family, the Community, the Church, State and Nation. The violence is an epidemic a cancer eating away at our cities, our youth. Killing off the next generation of Doctors and scientist, politicians and fathers and mothers. We are aborting our responsibilities, all too often in the name of, of what?
We no longer “discipline” our youth, for fear of social services coming in and taking them. We are more concerned about their self-esteem them about their lives. Me, I say low self-esteem for a few hours is well worth the price of a lifetime. We no longer “force” youth to follow basic rules, in order to allow them to express themselves. I am sorry, they will have a lifetime to do that, in school rules are to be followed, and at home, rules are to be followed. This idea that the child and the parents are “best friends” is silly at best and destructive at worst. We are not “friends” to our children, we are parents, and we are caretakers and guardians of their little lives. We are to nurture and love them, but we are also to teach them and sometimes “punishment” is part of teaching.
In the real world, if I break a law, I must pay the fine, be it cash, time or whatever the price is, I am expected to pay it. Yet all too often, we teach our children that there is no punishment, there is no fine for the crime they commit.
I remember, years ago, when my boy came home from playing soccer at the local soccer club. This club charges $5 per person to play. He did not have the $5 to play, because I was at work and unable to give it to him. Nevertheless, when he returned home that day, he told me he played. I asked him how he paid, he said he didn’t, I assumed one of his friends paid, so I asked, who paid for you? No one he said… Therefore, me being the ever-smart one, asked, so how did you get in, and he being the ever not so bright at times said, we waited until the girl left the counter and walked in.
Yep, he walked in, without paying. Sure, it was only $5, at least that is what he said to me, no big deal, its only $5. Now I could have said, your right, they make enough money, and they should not charge you anyway. But what I said was, I don’t care if it was only one penny, what you did was wrong, it was stealing and you will pay it back, you will go and apologize and you will never, ever do it again. Because if you do, you will be one sorry young man. So we got in the car, drove back to the soccer place, I made him look the person in the eyes, tell them what he did, say he was sorry and offer his services to pay back the $5. He washed windows for about 45 minutes. Than we drove home. On the way home, I told him I was disappointed in him and that I loved him, we stopped for dinner and enjoyed our night. Now, he still did not think he did anything wrong, but a few days later he came back to me and said he understood and that he was truly sorry.
Yep, sometimes punishments have to be part of love and understanding. Yesterday my reaction to the Detroit mess was to bring the death penalty into Detroit, it was a knee jerk reaction, but I feel it may still have some merit. The problem, most of the violence is from youth, under 18. However, we need to do something, we need to fix this, and we need to fix it soon.
I do not have the answers, no one person does, God does, so I know we need to pray for the youth and pray for the cordage to do what is needed to be done. I also know that it is going to take all of us to fix this mess, all of us working together, putting aside our egos and city verse suburbs mentality. I know that I love the city of Detroit, but I also know that I am, for the first time in my life, getting a little scared to go to the city. The youths are running wild and they have no respect, none for themselves and even less for others. Life to them is expendable. Sad… However, expected…
We, as a nation, began to teach our youth that life is expendable. It started in 1979, and has grown. The land mark case of Roe v Wade, making abortion the law of the land, murder on demand. What do we expect, when Planned Parenthood goes into our schools and tells the youth, you do not want the “problem” you created, get rid of it, kill it, toss it out on to the streets, murder it. So life becomes worth nothing. Oh, and by the way, you want to do, do not let anyone tell you that you cannot, you just do it. We have allowed our youth to be taught that parents, the caretakers, guardians and we have no right to tell them, the youth, how to live, what to do, what is morally right and wrong. We have created a generation of individual morals, a generation that thinks they personally are more important that the person standing next to them. This flies in the face of what we know to be true.
28 just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
Mathew 20: 28 (NIV)
We know, as Christians, that we are to serve others, yet we have created a generation that sees it as, others are to serve them. The question is how do we get back to that, Jesus calls us to?
This Lent, use the time to pray for our youth, to ask God for guidance and grace and to protect our youth from the evil one.
I, like many, was sadden to hear about Whitney Houston’sdeath. Death, of anyone, is always a tragic and sad moment, Life that has ended always leaves someone sad, even the murder has loved ones. Yes, I am a child of the 80’s, I graduated in ‘84, so the soundtrack to my teenage years was the 80’s. I remember seeing Whitney in “The Body Guard” and hearing “I will always love you” and thinking, what a great and powerful song. That is my favorite song of hers. The power and depth touched me, and it still does. I remember thinking what a mistake it was when she married Bobby Brown and thinking how sad it was when she admitted she was a crack user. What a tragic waste of life, and in the end, it was. So yes, I was saddened, but I was not shocked.
Second Point
I knew, once I heard the news reports, that the eulogies would start, the road to sainthood would be paved and Whitney, by some, would become a symbol of perfection. I listened to people, fans or just happen to be standing their, state there professed love for her, I listened to them talk of her as if she was perfection. I listen to then shaking my head in wonderment and asking myself “How can they sit there and talk about her as if she had nothing to do with her own death.” Whitney had a problem, she was a drug user, she use to be a crack addict, as far as we know she was not using it anymore. But years of abuse has its residual effects on the body. We do know she was found with prescription drugs and alcohol in her system. But as of this posting, we do not know if that was the cause of her death. And I will not even venture to guess, to me that is as wrong as all who make her out to be a saint. Whitney is dead, this much we know, Whitney was, and possible was at the time of her death, a drug user and Whitney was a talent that we only see every so often on this earth.
Third Point
As the news unfolded, and more stars had the opportunity to make sure there voice and face was seen and heard on TV over Whitney’s death, I heard more than once, “Whitney is in heaven now”… This statement, as well-meaning as it is, has always bothered me. As a Catholic, I do not believe we know the fait of anyone, not even ourselves. As a Catholic I do not believe that we know the heart of anyone, so I do not know what was in Whitney’s heart at the time of her death, so I do not know if she was in the good Graces of God or not. Only Whitney and God know that. So for me, a humble, fallen, Human to state that anyone is in heaven is very presumptions. As a Catholic, I do not believe in the once saved always saved theology. to me that just opens the door to , I can do as I please, because I am saved. As a Catholic, if I had to venture a guess as to Whitney’s current state, it would have to be that she, if God wills it, is in Purgatory, not heaven. Where she can purify herself and make ready for the glory that is heaven. Do I know this, absolutely not, do I pray for this for he, absolutely.
Fourth Point
Whitney was a mother, a sister and a daughter, she was loved as such. But she was also a talented singer and entertainer who has millions of fans. But like all of us, she was lost and searching, she was a fallen creation, searching for Gods love and compassion. And sadly she turned to drugs to find it. We all have faults, none of us are perfect. I do not know if Whitney is in Heaven or Hell, but this I do know. To deny the existence of Hell is dangerous, and to deny. The Evil One exist and he greatest lie is this, “Hell does not exist”. I do not know what has become of Whitney’s soul, nor would I venture to guess. But this I do know, only God and Whitney know if she is at peace or not.
Anyone who knows me, knows that I am anti-union, that I see no reason for the union to exist. Where they needed at one point in history, most likely, are they needed now, in 2012, nope, not at all. They are a socialistic organization that only has itself in mind, they care nothing for their membership or the company their members work for nor the community they living and serve. Unions, by there very definition are anti-capitalism, the driving force behind our nations economy. Left up to the unions, we would have no manufacturing in this nation; they would have killed all possibility of production anything at a price the average American can afford.
Think about it, the American manufacturing industry has dwindled in size, we have lost complete industries, why, because unions priced us out of the market. And the argument that we should tax imports more, to create a more level playing field, we that is just plan stupid, its called protectionism. We have tried that before, and it don’t work, the free and open market and trade agreements are the best way to prop up America, the more we can purchase from other countries, the more we help their economy, they more we help their economy, the more they want to purchase our products, and in doing so, helping our economy. But this is a little off topic, what I want to talk about is how Unions are killing America, how unions are a cancer upon America, a cancer that is growing and killing of good industries, killing off education and opportunity. Do not believe me, watch this:
Unions at their best…
Yep, you hear right, “Sometimes life is not fair”, but wait, I thought teachers unions were all about the student, the learning… OH, wait that is just the nice line they feed us, the truth is much to ugly to tell, so they hide it. What is the truth, the truth is teacher unions are looking out for themselves, protecting bad teachers, rewarding mediocre and punishing students and parents with poor performing schools. Fighting any action that would give parents a choice an option to improve their child’s chances at succeeding in life, all in the name of Utopia.
The brotherhood (and sisterhood, I don’t want to piss anyone off by being sexist) of the unions has created a workforce that no longer believes in merit pay, of right to work, rather they have drank the kool-aid of socialism. A job is no longer a privilege, but a right. No longer do we need to prove our ability’s, just buy or time, wait long enough and you are in like flynn. No longer do you have to work hard and prove your worth, rather it has become a God-given right for a pay increase. I do not know about anyone else, but I look at pay increases as a way for my boss and the company to thank me and reward me for doing a good job, above the expected. I am always very humbled when I get a bonus or pay increase, but then again, I’m not in a union, so I know I have to work hard to keep my job, and I have to do what is expected and more to merit a bonus or raise. But if I was in a union, it would be expected, regardless of my personal input. I find that rather disturbing. I know, from my own personal life, that when a co-worker received a pay increase and bonus, larger than mine, yet I knew, as did everyone else, that they did not deserve it, based in work outcomes, I felt like the pay increases and bonuses had no real value. The value of the extra $55.00 per month is not the money, but the satisfaction knowing you were recognized and rewarded for your efforts. Yet, if everyone got that same $55 pay increase, regardless of their value to the company, than that $55 becomes meaningless. This same person who received the bonus and raise was also the first to complain about not receiving a bonus or raise during the hard times, go figure. He was a perfect candidate for a union job.
I have traveled the world teaching union and non-union people, I have negotiated with the State of Michigan to open a Charter School, and had to deal with the local Teachers Union, and I can tell you from experience, there is a major difference in attitude and perception. Unions see things is what can I get and how does it benefit me were as non-unions see things as what is the best over all, how does it benefit all parties involved. Now I know that not every union person feels this way and not every non-union person feels this way, but on average, this has been my experience.
When I have to teach union students, I always have to remind myself that the traditional classroom rules are tossed out the door. The idea of respect, gone, they show up when they want, leave when they feel like it and do as they please, all with no regard to me or the job I must do. True story, I was teaching a 2-day class to a group of union members. One student sat at her computer the first half of the first day doing nothing but checking her Facebook. How do I know, because she was not shy about sharing facts and tid-bits about her grandchildren to the whole class during my lectures. Yep, right in the middle of a lecture she would blurt out a funny little fact. No concern for me, or the other students. Most of whom were more than happy for the interruption. At lunch time she came up to me and said she would not be returning after lunch, I asked hey why, her response, “Because I don’t want to”, when I informed her that I would have to mark her as not completing the course and she would not be able to get her user ID, she responded with “Ya I will, they have to give it to me” and walked out. Did she get her ID, I do not know, but my guess is yep, she was union. Ah, what a joy…
I take my job and my performance seriously, and when something like that happens, I find it hard to not take it personally. Teaching is what I do, I love it and I always try to give my very best, yet when you are faced with the union mentality, well it all sort of goes out the window, I find myself teaching not my best, but just enough to get through the day. And I hate that feeling, I feel like I have failed. But I find that it is just easer that way, I find that I am not fighting the union mentality as much, they don’t care, so why should I. What a horrible way to go through life. I take no pride in it, but there is no other way to deal with it, I am stuck teaching them, regardless of whether they want it or not, so I might as well make it as painless for them and myself. The odd thing is, my evaluations are better when I put no effort into it, when I expect nothing from them. They reward me for mediocrity. Amazing!
Yep, Unions, the down fall of America and innovation. They need to be busted up and never return. Plain and simple!
The daughter’s birthday is next month, so her plan is to give her daughter a photo of the three of them, the mother and the two kids. Sounds nice, unless you know the daughter, and I do… She will reject this, not because she hates her brother and not because she hates her mother, but she will reject it out of spite. Just to retain the control over her mother. The more she rejects her mom, the more control she has over her. Her mothers need for tangible love is strong, and her mothers need to control is strong (she is a passive aggressive controller).So the rejection of the photo would only lead to the mother feeling hurt and trying to figure out what she can do to earn her daughters love. This, of course, gives the daughter all the power, and the mother none.
I asked him to come hold me because I am scared. Here is the thing, I know I have a lot of friends who voted for ‘the other guy’ and I know that tonight is a night of celebration for you. I know you will be happy and think that you have reached a level of success. I know you are certain that something better has happened for our country. I know you are confident that you can believe in the change that you are striving for. And finally, I know that you don’t quite know why people like me are so scared. I thought I would let you know why. Because here is the thing, understanding where the ‘other’ is coming from is a good thing. I want to help you understand…. 
